Whose child is the weird one?

[CousinQuandary]

I’m staying with DSis. Her DD(8) has the world’s biggest collection of Playmobil, beautifully laid out all round her room. She does play with it, but it’s always kept very neat.
My DD(5) has pulled the heads off the flowers. She also pulled the leaves off the trees and put them in the Playmobil swimming pool.
DSis thinks this is really strange behaviour - to dismantle things rather than playing with them in the way they were intended.
I think my DD is normal and it’s her DD’s obsessive tidiness that is abnormal. AIBU?

Neither is weird, just different. I have two DC, one likes to make Lego sets and leave them beautifully set up; the other likes to play with it constantly, dismantle and reassemble, mixing sets to improvise new things. They’ve both always been the same, so not even an age thing. The first one’s looks great but the second gets more play value - it also causes big arguments when the second one raids the first’s sets for pieces

The same used to go for Playmobil, the second one basically treated it as Lego, completely taking it apart, heads off to make new people, etc.

Both children are normal they just play differently to each other, neither of them are weird.

Surely the Playmobil flowers just slot unto the stem so she's really only playing. They're just different and Playmobil is for playing with , not a decoration

Totally normal for their ages, I have two kids almost the same ages. The 7yo has only recently become tidy

@CousinQuandary

Thanks for the replies. We’re not really accusing each other’s kids of being weirdos, although we do both genuinely think the other’s daughter is outside the norm. The Playmobil flowers are made to come apart and go back together - I’d totally agree it was wrong if my 5yo was actually breaking her cousin’s toys!

You should at the very least be telling your child that it's not OK to take apart another child's things without permission. The fact that the Playmobil is made to be taken apart doesn't mean that a visiting child should just assume she can do so, and 5 is not too early to start learning that.

Have you ever met a five year old? This is completely normal

I’ve met plenty. Destroying things in the name of play isn’t what the 5 year olds I know do.

You should at the very least be telling your child that it's not OK to take apart another child's things without permission

This. Regardless of who is playing correctly, you don’t trash another kid’s toys.

Here is a different slant......they are both weird, we all are. Children just don't hide it they a true versions of themselves...perfect in their imperfections.

My kids play like your sister's kid. I find it odd when other children come to play and just destroy stuff. But we are all different. Neither is that strange.

"I find it odd when other children come to play and just destroy stuff"

But OPs child wasn't 'just destroying stuff'! She was enacting a scene involving leaves blowing into a pool, using play equipment which is explicitly designed to be taken apart and used in that way. Some kids do wantonly destroy stuff, but this isn't what was going on here. Would you call breaking apart and remaking Lego 'just destroying stuff'?!

5 year olds do often want to pull stuff apart. I don't think it's unusual behaviour for a 5 year old, I also don't think its unusual for the 8 year old to want her scenes laid out neatly.

Op hasn't actually said that the 8 yo was upset, just that the mothers thought the others kid unusual

The specific issue in this case, which was in the original op, is that the elder child has her playmobil all set up and doesn't really play with it. If a child had lots of built lego sets displayed in their room i certainly wouldn't expect another child to break them.

Whereas the massive pile of lego in the playroom anyone can and does build and make whatever they like

This was me and my brother. One of us with ADHD and one on the spectrum. So we're both weird I suppose.

Who TF wants to be 'normal'? Yuk.

Purposefully breaking something, eg ripping off flowers. Particularly if it’s clearly a special toy. Not normal

Actually that's totally normal in a 5 year old. They'll just see a toy and play with it how they see fit, which may well be removing the flowers. It's hardly breaking it is it? The flowers are meant to come apart. (Although obviously if the 8 year old likes it just so it may be best if 5 year old doesn't play with it).

My eldest has loads of carefully constructed lego. His 4 year old cousin would naturally like to rip it to bits and bash it apart - totally normal but we don't let him.

One might like aesthetics or design or patterns, one might be heavily into how things work, connect or are constructed. I'd be bearing those things I kind when choosing gifts, but as far as I'd think about it.

But the four year old cousin isn't allowed to rip the lego apart.

The not normal bit is that she wasn't stopped from dismantling the scene, and assuming that she had been told not to that she carried on doing it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

@chocolateicecream

I found my children’s playmobil unicorns shagging 🤪 What does that make my children OP?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Bluebird76

"I find it odd when other children come to play and just destroy stuff"

But OPs child wasn't 'just destroying stuff'! She was enacting a scene involving leaves blowing into a pool, using play equipment which is explicitly designed to be taken apart and used in that way. Some kids do wantonly destroy stuff, but this isn't what was going on here. Would you call breaking apart and remaking Lego 'just destroying stuff'?!

Well, yes, if it's another child's carefully constructed model that they've spent time on and have got just how they want it.

The little one is just learning how things work. Now if she starts tearing apart birds to see what's inside, that might be weird.

My nephew likes us to build a Lego thing, then immediately take it apart and ask us to fix it

@Dishwashersaurous

But the four year old cousin isn't allowed to rip the lego apart.

The not normal bit is that she wasn't stopped from dismantling the scene, and assuming that she had been told not to that she carried on doing it.

That's not what the OP asked though. It's totally normal to want to play with a toy like that and a 5 year old won't think 'oh hang on this is currently perfectly arranged, maybe my cousin doesn't want it meddled with'. It's for the adults to tell her she can't touch it and give her something else to play with.

@MintyMabel

Have you ever met a five year old? This is completely normal

I’ve met plenty. Destroying things in the name of play isn’t what the 5 year olds I know do.

I'm surprised anyone who has been around kids let alone has one themselves could be so utterly clueless! Taking apart playmobil (which is meant to be taken apart) is 100% normal. It is not destroying anything. It's a toy not a museum piece it's absolutely meant to be taken apart. That said it's also normal for some toys to be out of bounds for younger siblings/cousins/friends. If a child has set up a special toy a certain way they should be able to keep it that way and other children should be told not to touch. That doesn't mean the other children are malicious - they're just kids being kids.

"Well, yes, if it's another child's carefully constructed model that they've spent time on and have got just how they want it."

That's a totally separate question and not what OP was asking - the question was whether it was a 'normal' way to play with Playmobil, or whether it is only meant to be used for creating a static unmoving scene, like the 8yo was doing.