to think it's a bit mean to not tell children whether or not they've been successful?

[Thefifthbeatle]

DD (7) is very musical. She recently auditioned to become a chorister at the cathedral in our city. I wasn't sure whether it was a good idea for a 7 year old to be doing auditions - it seemed like quite a lot of pressure - but a note came home from school about it, so we took her along to the open day and she absolutely loved it, and we went ahead with it.

The audition was almost three weeks ago; we haven't heard anything yet. One of DD's friends heard in the middle of last week that she has been offered a place, so it seems likely that DD hasn't. I wondered whether perhaps an email had been lost along the way somewhere, so emailed them a couple of days ago to check, but they are not responding. I now don't know what to say to DD. The evidence suggests that she hasn't got a place, and although we've tried very hard to keep everything very casual, she has been asking every day whether they've decided yet, and is going to be pretty upset, because she really wanted to do it. Do we wait a week to check whether they do eventually come back to us to confirm? If they don't respond, do we wait 2 weeks? 3?

I can't help feeling that it's a bit mean to put 7 year olds in this position; they aren't adults, applying for jobs. They are still pretty young kids and it isn't really fair to not tell them at all whether or not they've got in, and just leave us to decide when the level of rudeness involved is so great that they must have not got a place. Is it just me? And in this situation, how long would you wait before deciding that the answer must be no, and telling your DC?

@smurfsarethefuture

In regards to your comment of 'eh?' a cathedral is the, for want of a better word, the 'head' Church in a diocese whether RC or C of E.

As these are both Christian denominations they aren't really praticing what they preach.

Londonmummy's comments made me laugh.

For my sins I was once engaged to a future Vicar and saw Oxford theological colleges from the inside - it beggars belief.

Among other things
A future cleric who studied his subject at university because he liked the hood - pink with fur - and wanted to be a Dean as the cathedral would belong to him and he could ban the Bishop from entering.
Another, in advance of his ordination as deacon, being rather high church, bought himself a biretta without thinking that before being priested he'd have to cut 2 of the 3 fins off. He was crowned with it at the breakfast table much to his annoyance.

On a more practical note it might be worth contacting the RSCM (Royal school of Church music) at Addington Palace in Croydon from memory to find details of affiliated choirs near to you.

I was head chorister for 6 years in an RSCM-affiliated choir and it was tremendous fun, including singing at a festival in the cathedral.

Hope your dd finds out soon and isn't too disappointed if it's a 'no' as there are other possibilities.

Charlotte Church sang as a chorister so who knows where it could lead!

RSCM is now based in the Cathedral Close in Salisbury - they have a number of national choirs and residential courses as well so you could look at what they have to offer. My younger DC sings in their Millenium Youth Choir and loves it.

“Thefifthbeatle

It's not just me, is it? It's really bloody rude.”

It is very rude. Unfortunately, in my experience anyway, this sort of rudeness and insensitivity can go on in the music world - a sort of sniffy superior attitude.

Why not telephone and ask them just in case though?

Try not to let your DD lose confidence and simply carry on enjoying her singing to her utmost. (Have you read “Mindset”? It has some good ideas on general resilience.)

“GorgeousNightingale
Another terrible suggestion. This is probably why communication has been delayed - they're dealing with a barrage of pushy parents.”

What a nasty thing to say.
I wonder if, to you, anyone whose child is involved in an activity that needs skill and talent is “pushy”?

The OP’s question was about the choir school neither giving families advice about how long it might take to hear back following the audition, nor actually letting them know the result after quite an interval. NOT about how they should have accepted DD no matter what.

“Cosima8
Try going through the Oxbridge process - the difference between those accepted and those not is wafer-thin, but what can you do?”

Firstly, the students are 18.
Secondly, they let prospective students know the results of their interviews regardless of whether or not they’ve been successful and they do this quickly.

The OP question was not about the child failing to get in , but about not communicating to let a child of 7 know where she stands.

They should have explained when they would hear. They should abide by that process.

I’d call and ask if there was a reason not to have heard anything yet.

OK, OP, this over-reaction to a PP's post and your violent reaction to a (possibly) unsuccessful audition is pretty telling.

A violent overreaction? get a grip @PigGondola. Both you and @OhSayWhat are just being bitchy for the sake of it.

I agree with you OP and actually it is a shoddy recruitment process if adults are not told the outcome of a job interview for example. Poor recruitment processes usually reflect an all around dire approach to HR across the board, e.g no thought for diversity or training opportunities etc.

It is drearily quaint and doesn't reflect the society we now live in, people are accountable and we should have expectations of people who hold power in this way. It is unacceptable to have such disregard for children's mental health, I don't think it should be just flippantly viewed as being, 'that's life's. Yes, in life you will be rejected but we know of better ways to do that now, that allow for accountability, that should be promoted if you want society to progress in a positive direction. Make the changes these stuffy institutions need. Inflicting exam stress on 5,6, 7 year olds is not something to boast about as a PP did!

Any news OP?

Hope you hear back soon.

ScrollingLeaves - fair enough about Oxbridge, I guess, at least they have fixed dates. But are you aware of how other universities treat undergrad applicants? Students apply for LSE in the thousands in September - this year they held into thousands of applications until May before rejecting them with one line. This was in the middle of their replacement A- level assessments. Overseas students had to drop out because unis in their home countries required a response and there is NO way of getting any response from LSE. The LSE admissions team switched off their phones between December and May and there was NO communication whatsoever.

Students obviously apply to five unis and many had a similar thing going on with them all. I know Edinburgh, St Andrews and UCL kept thousands dangling for about 7 months before doing mass rejections in April / May. You can never get through on the phones and the online “get in touch” service is a bot with standardised answers that are no use.

My DS was lucky this year, but I see how the process works and it horrendous for thousands - purely down to shocking communication.

“Cosims8
But are you aware of how other universities treat undergrad applicants?”
@Cosims8 I knew it wouldn’t be as fast as Oxbridge because of the numbers involved, but no, I had no idea it was that bad. How very difficult for the students waiting to hear.

I do think the choir school could have been better in its approach after auditioning 7 year olds though. ( Unless they had sent an email and something went wrong as some posters have suggested.)

@NormanStangerson

OK, OP, this over-reaction to a PP's post and your violent reaction to a (possibly) unsuccessful audition is pretty telling.

A violent overreaction? get a grip @PigGondola. Both you and @OhSayWhat are just being bitchy for the sake of it.

No one is being bitchy. Maybe you need to chill out. It’s a children’s audition and you’re being very uptight.

I think it's rude but it's more likely to be admin issues then active lack of thought. I get annoyed with big companies that can't be bothered to send a standard rejection. I used to deal with hundreds of applicants for scarce opera roles and I always wrote back to all of them. Actual paper letters as this was pre email!