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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AiBU to still go away for weekend without DH

74 replies

Pondfrog12 · 02/06/2021 19:45

Hello munsnetters

Need some internet help on AIBU.

Backstory: me DH and two DCs, and like many others had our summer holiday cancelled last year. We rebooked it for april this year but, anticipating the pandemic shit show and knowing we probably wouldn't be going, last year I also booked a surprise little beach weekend break in UK for end of june this year - to surprise DH and DC with nearer the time. Alas, it was all done in good faith.

Fast forward through the pandemic and of course, our rebooked abroad holiday was cancelled but my surprise one looked like it was still okay to go ahead so I told DH about it. He was really taken aback by how nice it was to do that etc, but at the time it looked like due to his shifts he wouldn't be able to go.

The trip is in 4 weeks time and I've been saying to him can you take a couple days AL to come with us, but he basically said he would rather spend the last AL he has to go to Butlins for 4 nights rather than this little break for 2 nights.

We've had several conversations about this and I asked him to take 2 of his AL days from the beginning of xmas holidays to still come to this little break AND still go butlins (I know, first world problems right)

I did say I would still like to go even if I took the kids on my own (his shifts would be lates/nights anyway that weekend so seemed like a good solution to just still go), I said would you be pissed off if I still went, and he said well no one likes to be left out.

During these conversations I also said i would like to go visit my sister about 2 hours away in the summer with the kids and would try and do it on his days off so that he could come too, but he wasnt very forthcoming with dates to organise this.

A few days later, my sister said she was moving out of her flat and moving into a new one but had 6 nights where she was basically homeless, and it just so happened that this homeless period started on the same date as the weekend break, so I said instead of me coming to see you in the summer , why dont you join us for this weekend break as Dh cant come. 2 birds with one stone, she has a roof over her head and we get to spend the time together we wanted.

DH is absolutely fuming.

He essentially wanted me to cancel the break, and put the money towards butlins, I said I dont need to cancel just for the money, I'm an NHS midwife who has worked overtime during pandemic and have enough money to enjoy the summer now.

AIBu to go to this break with my sister ? In this scenario? He said he would be pissed off either way, that I would've gone on my own, or with my sister. But having my sister coming just concrete that I am actually going to go, and not potentially cancel last minute if I was due to go on my own

OP posts:
Callingallbutterflies · 02/06/2021 19:56

No not unreasonable. Enjoy seeing your sister. H can pay for Butlins.

Pondfrog12 · 02/06/2021 19:58

Oh I have actually booked butlins too.... I booked this when he decided he would rather spend his AL on butlins, fine, booked, but then I tried to think of other ways for him still to come to the break but he just didn't really want to/didnt seem interested/wanted me to cancel.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/06/2021 19:58

I think your husband is being a huge prick. Honestly, what's his problem?

TokyoSushi · 02/06/2021 20:01

YANBU at all, if he couldn't sort his leave out then that's his problem! Go, have a lovely time!

Pondfrog12 · 02/06/2021 20:05

@Aquamarine1029

I think your husband is being a huge prick. Honestly, what's his problem?
I'm not so sure, but he has twisted it round so much, he said "you've been pestering me for weeks asking if I can come" (errrr yes because I want you to come?) And he said that he was waiting for me to say that I was taking someone else as soon as he said no.

I thought he would be happy for me

OP posts:
Wildflowers2020 · 02/06/2021 20:06

It’s your husband that is being unreasonable. Have a lovely break with your sister and don’t let his attitude put a downer on it. Sounds like you did all you could to encourage him to join you.

gamerchick · 02/06/2021 20:06

Tell him he's being a dick, that you're going and he doesn't get to get everything his own way.

Likes to be in control doesnt he, why don't your thoughts and feelings matter and why does he get to veto a nice thing you have planned and cancel it. You've worked all the way through this crap, you deserve a break you've been looking forward to.

JackieTheFart · 02/06/2021 20:07

Well he sounds like an easy going chap!

YANBU at all. Now he has a weekend on his own.

Melitza · 02/06/2021 20:08

So dh doesn't want to go on the break unless he goes too but would rather not go anyway.
And is trying to tell you that you can't go.
No.
He's a selfish man.
My dh has always encouraged me to take breaks with family if he can't go.
Don't discuss it anymore, just do it.

AlmostSummer21 · 02/06/2021 20:08

What a selfish man. He's choosing not to take leave to come, he's not being left out, he's choosing not to go.

Whether you go on your own or with your sister is irrelevant.

A few years ago a friend and I used to take the kids to a fabulous campsite for all of the summer holiday (overseas fab weather) and our two husband would come up for their holidays and some weekends. Sometimes they bring kids friends out or take them home. Yeah we were having 'more' holiday, but we had the kids! And both of them were happy we & the kids were having a goid summer!

We weren't the only ones there doing that either.

Your DH is ridiculously selfish.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/06/2021 20:09

Fuck him. I'd not give this a second thought. He's pissed off, too bad. I'd take off without a backwards glance. What a knob.

Aprilwasverywet · 02/06/2021 20:10

Enjoy the trip with your dsis.
Plan a nice new patio for when you get home
..
Wink

Pondfrog12 · 02/06/2021 20:10

@gamerchick

Tell him he's being a dick, that you're going and he doesn't get to get everything his own way.

Likes to be in control doesnt he, why don't your thoughts and feelings matter and why does he get to veto a nice thing you have planned and cancel it. You've worked all the way through this crap, you deserve a break you've been looking forward to.

I kind of said the Same to him, but he then started going on about paying for things around the house etc, that if I had all this money to burn I should put it towards that, rather than him paying for it all

He earns 3 x salary of me do tends to pay for the majority of the house renovations, I pay half mortgage and Bill's etc,, and I only have this 'extra' money due to doing overtime during the pandemic as he was at home more and nowhere to go to spend it!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 02/06/2021 20:11

Go. Have a fabulous time. Tell him if he keeps stripping you’ll swap your sister in for him for Butlins as well.

He could have come. Chose not to. Don’t entertain the tantrum.

Boscoforever · 02/06/2021 20:11

Looks like the world doesn't revolve around him and he isn't happy. Whatever you do, do not let him sour the time with your DC and sister. It's all arranged now, so be breezy and matter of fact. Ignore sulking etc. He will probably do it around the time you are getting ready to go too, be prepared and ignore it!

Luxplus · 02/06/2021 20:11

What a dick...
My dh works shifts too and always encourage me to do things with our dds on my own if I wish so we don't miss out on experiences.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/06/2021 20:12

Tell him it's appalling that he is actually resentful that you and your children can get away and have a nice weekend. It's not that he can't go, he's refusing to go.

NoParticularPattern · 02/06/2021 20:14

So he doesn’t want to go on the break but he also doesn’t want you to go or you to go with anyone else either? Yeah he’s being a dick and I would be telling him so. Fine he doesn’t want to go, but if you do want to go and you also happen to have found a way to see your sister at the same time (which he also didn’t want to do judging by his lack of workable dates provided) then why does he get to be pissed off? He doesn’t. He’s just doing it to be a prick.

ShirleyPhallus · 02/06/2021 20:16

Another vote for him being a dick

Couples should have time away from each other!

cadburyegg · 02/06/2021 20:16

YANBU. He’s selfish

1Morewineplease · 02/06/2021 20:20

Not sure what to say.
I'd really like to hear your partner's version of all of this, to be honest.

RightOnTheEdge · 02/06/2021 20:35

And he said that he was waiting for me to say that I was taking someone else as soon as he said no.
He's a total prick.

Don't let him spoil this for you! You deserve a nice break and you gave him plenty of chances.
I'd be really careful in case he tries to sabotage it nearer the time.

Aprilwasverywet · 02/06/2021 20:41

He was waiting for you to beg and tell him you couldn't possibly have a good time if he didn't go.... Self absorbed tosser
.

Snoken · 02/06/2021 20:42

OP, please go! He’s just being difficult and possessive.

Pondfrog12 · 02/06/2021 20:45

He said he thinks little 2 night breaks are shit and pointless he would rather go butlins for 4 nights..which is great I love butlins but I still want to go on this 'shit little 2 night break'. I've paid for it. I've also paid for butlins. I also paid for butlins last summer.

Okay so he paid for the 2k abroad holiday which was cancelled twice, but I dont have 2k to spend as he earns 3 x more than me and I work part time and have the kids. So this little shit 2 night break that i paid for out of pandemic overtime is a big thing for me.

OP posts: