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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate being a SAHM?

105 replies

MrsPandigital · 02/06/2021 18:18

I feel so ungrateful for saying this, as I know some people would probably dream of being a SAHM. But I hate it. So damn much!

It's sooooo boring and my brain feels unused. I love my daughter(1.5years old) but my gosh, she is exhausting and relentless. Really difficult to get to nap, really high maintenance.

I left work because I was a secondary maths teacher and hated it, even more so after returning from maternity leave and lesson planning / marking etc ate into evenings and weekends.

So AIBU for hating being a SAHM?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPandigital · 02/06/2021 19:10

*parents

OP posts:
cosima8 · 02/06/2021 19:16

Could you do some tutoring OP?

Also, do you have other mum friends around? Perhaps you need to get out and about and socialise with your baby more? This is how most people cope I think (well, it worked for me).

Original poster
MrsPandigital · 02/06/2021 19:23

@cosima8

Could you do some tutoring OP?

Also, do you have other mum friends around? Perhaps you need to get out and about and socialise with your baby more? This is how most people cope I think (well, it worked for me).

I have loads of mum friends! Probably have 2 or 3 play dates a week ☺️ love getting out and about.

With regards to tutoring, I could do it as I've done it for many years. HOWEVER, my OHs shift pattern messes it up. I can't commit to say, 6pm every Monday - because OH might be working, might not! It's such a pain because if tutoring was in demand during nursery times; it would be fine!

OP posts:
Lazydaz · 02/06/2021 19:25

Can you get a pt job? You may be much happier!

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 02/06/2021 19:26

A maths degree is a good one to have. You could look for roles in data analysis, research, finance, stuff like that. Could be entry level-ish but good prospects for good people.

I just typed "maths degree" into LinkedIn jobs and a whole range of stuff popped up. Lots of data analyst roles. Have a noodle around.

HelenHywater · 02/06/2021 19:34

Could you start accountancy training?

Lottie2017 · 02/06/2021 19:35

Working in education is useful for school holidays in the future. Could you work as an intervention/supply teacher/work part time/other school based role instead?

Flubgusters420 · 02/06/2021 20:23

You have a maths degree - great for retraining tbh, as pp have said, check out data science training/roles, they pay pretty well these days

Hannahgirl · 02/06/2021 20:27

Im a sahm. Yanbu its hard and mind numbing but unfortunately 4 lots of childcare would leave us worse of even with a second income. If you can afford it go back to work.

newtolineofduty · 02/06/2021 20:28

No!!!! I have so much respect for SAHMs. It would be my worst nightmare!!!!! Retrain and do something you love or try a nicer school! life's too short! X

georgarina · 02/06/2021 20:28

I hated being a SAHM. The endless grind of it, the lack of rest, the constant busy work and cleaning up...it was exhausting, couldn't stand it. Going back to work was like a holiday.

cadburyegg · 02/06/2021 20:52

YANBU. I could never be a SAHM, I take my hat off to you. After my maternity leave with DS1, I went back to work 3 days a week. That was 5 years ago. 3 days never felt like enough, and now I’m a single parent with 2 kids, those other 4 days are a relentless slog. Especially with covid and restrictions. DS1 is now 6 and DS2 is 3, and I’m counting down the days til September when DS2 is in preschool 4 days a week. I cannot wait.

I love my job, though

Rizzoli123 · 02/06/2021 20:57

Not at all. I think you maybe missing human interaction. When I left my job I became a SAHM also. I joined a choir and a netball team. I brought lots of cross stitch charts and knitting patterns so I could have something to look forward to each week. Every night i get the kids to bed and pick my sewing up and sit down and have sometime for me. I make sure I do my choir each week so I have people to chat to that have something in common as me. Maybe you could find a course or a class you could do each week. Something you are interested in could be art, craft, music anything just something to get you out of the house and give yourself some time for you each week

Rainallnight · 02/06/2021 20:58

I was going to start a thread with the same title OP.

If it was a job, you’d be in HR all the time complaining about how you’re being treated. The brilliant two mad kings post above absolutely nails jr.

I’m going to retrain just figuring out what.

MissChanandlerBong90 · 02/06/2021 21:05

You aren’t being unreasonable at all - I think being a SAHM must be challenging at the best of times but the last 18 months must have been a particularly difficult time to do it.

With a maths degree and teaching experience, I’m sure you’re super employable!

www.prospects.ac.uk/careers-advice/what-can-i-do-with-my-degree/mathematics

On the tutoring front, is there no demand for tutoring work between 4pm and 6pm (in the after school slot)? Because obviously you could have nursery then.

Ellpellwood · 02/06/2021 21:28

YANBU. I was made redundant the week before the pandemic started, about 6 months after (cheerfully) returning to work from mat leave. I now work 3 days a week in entry-level financial services. Best of both, but I still struggle a bit when flying solo with a very active 2.5 year old on the other 2 days.

Original poster
MrsPandigital · 02/06/2021 21:56

@Flubgusters420

You have a maths degree - great for retraining tbh, as pp have said, check out data science training/roles, they pay pretty well these days
Thank you so much - I'll look into this!
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPandigital · 02/06/2021 21:57

@MissChanandlerBong90

You aren’t being unreasonable at all - I think being a SAHM must be challenging at the best of times but the last 18 months must have been a particularly difficult time to do it.

With a maths degree and teaching experience, I’m sure you’re super employable!

www.prospects.ac.uk/careers-advice/what-can-i-do-with-my-degree/mathematics

On the tutoring front, is there no demand for tutoring work between 4pm and 6pm (in the after school slot)? Because obviously you could have nursery then.

That's a great shout - thank you so much!
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPandigital · 02/06/2021 21:58

@Rainallnight

I was going to start a thread with the same title OP.

If it was a job, you’d be in HR all the time complaining about how you’re being treated. The brilliant two mad kings post above absolutely nails jr.

I’m going to retrain just figuring out what.

Oh bless you ! I have SO much respect for full time mums. I can't believe I ever thought SAHMs had it easy (this was pre-baby!)

I want to retrain too - I'm trying to figure out what in!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPandigital · 02/06/2021 22:00

@Lottie2017

Working in education is useful for school holidays in the future. Could you work as an intervention/supply teacher/work part time/other school based role instead?
I could, but I don't want to! I want to avoid classrooms! I do feel like a massive weight is lifted now that I'm no longer a teacher or in the school environment. Shame that weight has been replaced with a hyper toddler Grin
OP posts:
Panaesthesia · 03/06/2021 06:48

I did it until both my kids were in school. Then I retrained and went back to work.

Take some time during the day for yourself - you don't have to be 100% focused on the kid. I don't really know what 'high maintenance' means for a little toddler. She can sit and play by herself and you can get on with a bit of cleaning or whatever, or do something you want to do like reading or studying (I learned a language.)

Panaesthesia · 03/06/2021 06:50

Consider retraining in tech - web development has loads of jobs and the UK has a number of very good, successful bootcamps.

Look at FreeCodeCamp to get started. You can work through the basics there and decide if it's something you enjoy. If so, just keep going and learning and eventually it does snowball and I've been a developer for four years now.

Original poster
MrsPandigital · 03/06/2021 08:06

@Panaesthesia

Consider retraining in tech - web development has loads of jobs and the UK has a number of very good, successful bootcamps.

Look at FreeCodeCamp to get started. You can work through the basics there and decide if it's something you enjoy. If so, just keep going and learning and eventually it does snowball and I've been a developer for four years now.

Thank you - I've always been interested in programming / coding so this sounds like a great idea
OP posts:
Covidwoes · 03/06/2021 08:35

YANBU OP! I'd absolutely hate it, and I admire anyone who is a SAHM. It's a relentless job. I work part time (on mat leave atm though) and it's a really good balance. DD1 loves nursery too, and she gets a lot from it.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 03/06/2021 09:05

With a maths degree, if you are interested in coding you're onto a winner. Lots of work, good pay, flexibility for valuable people.