DH and lack of planning!

[Lettuceforlunch]

So, last thing last night, I find out that DH needs to be at work until 10pm tonight. He hadn’t told me, it’s unusual, but there is definitely an event he needs to attend. It seems he’s been so wrapped up in things with colleagues and the assumption I’d be around to look after the DC due to Covid, he didn’t think to check.

I do have plans tonight, as it goes. It’s my first gym class since the pandemic and it’s 7:30-8:30. We discussed it last week and how I was looking forward to going back!!! Even he remembers the conversation but did not twig to the clash. I couldn’t twig to the clash as I didn’t know there was one...

He’s now annoyed he might miss his work event. But how is this my fault? He’s the one who failed to plan. Obviously, a work event would trump a gym class any day of the week, I’d never try to sabotage his career. But - this is entirely of his own making and is not the first time. AIBU to make a stand?

So.... did you get to your gym session?

Many years ago I had an older lady as an English teacher. She had a phrase if you forgot anything, "You didn't forget, you couldn't be bothered to remember".

@Lettuceforlunch
Read the full thread, the OP earns 80% of the family income, the gym is also a meet up with friends that hasn't happened since lockdown, she's working 60+ hours a week and her partner is supposed to be the primary parent.

@sashh

I am the OP! And none of what you’ve just written is correct

@Muchmorethan - yes I did! I think I may have made my point as he came back in plenty of time for me to get there.

@Lettuceforlunch

Oops sorry I thought I'd @ Cactusesi

In my defence it was a pre coffee post, sorry about that.

I'm glad you got to the gym and I hope your DH is more respectful of your engagements in the future.

What would happen if the position was reversed? Would you apologise and offer to sort out the issue, or would you miss your work thing ? He needs to sort it out. I have a similar situation here, I have to remember every play date, extra curricular activity, change in DC plans and if H doesn’t remember it’s a ‘mistake’ . Even though we both work. That ‘default parent’ is a great line

Good work OP.

And for all those saying you were 'making him miss his work event', he is if course just as capable as booking a babysitter as you are. If he chooses not to do so then that's his problem.

I had similar issues with my husband for ages. I just started not buying in or trying to fix problems he caused with poor scheduling. After having to run around and book a sitter a few times he got much better at taking note of my activities (which I always pit in his diary).

@sashh I think you're merging me and OP!

DH also organised someone else to work today so I'm actually getting some work done elsewhere.