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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is weird behaviour

60 replies

Minime2 · 02/06/2021 00:24

My dh's behaviour is starting to get on my nerves (well it's probably been annoying me for years now...) and I find it weird...
Examples include: if I'm on my phone or on fb on my laptop chatting to a friend, and he comes into the room, he will say 'oh sorry I caught you doing that' ...
Caught me doing what?
If I show him a photo on my phone of something he will be very reluctant to look at it /shield his face in case he sees something else.
Earlier on, I was posting something relating to a hobby on Instagram and even though it only took 5 mins, he left the room with our baby...
I'm just kind of confused by this behaviour... Why would he behave like this? It's not like he's trying to give me privacy, it's like he really dislikes me doing any of the above... I just don't know 🤔

OP posts:
wildeverose · 02/06/2021 00:27

Eh?

Original poster
Minime2 · 02/06/2021 00:30

@wildeverose that's kind of how I feel
What I'm saying is any time I'm basically interacting with someone else other than him, he constantly makes sarky comments like 'talking to your fans again' and 'sorry I caught you doing that' Confused

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 02/06/2021 00:30

Have you challenged him on his behaviour? I'd be telling him to stop being a dickhead.

PixieDust28 · 02/06/2021 00:34

'Talking to your fans' you should reply yes, only on my only fans tonight though. See how he reacts then.

TheChiefJo · 02/06/2021 00:34

He's being a dick and trying to make you uncomfortable about talking to others.

wildeverose · 02/06/2021 00:35

He sounds utterly ridiculous- like a jealous man child!

Original poster
Minime2 · 02/06/2021 00:35

@ponoka7 yes I've asked him why he says those things and he doesn't really have a response, most of the time now it just winds me up and I say :you haven't caught me because I wasn't doing anything wrong...
I went out for a walk earlier, phoned a friend for a chat and as I was arriving home, he popped up randomly behind me out of nowhere and said 'sorry to catch you on your private phone call' wtf

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Original poster
Minime2 · 02/06/2021 00:37

@thechiefjo yes that's what I think too but why would that be an issue? 🤷‍♀️
@wildeverose yep I often think that too

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SingingSands · 02/06/2021 00:46

Is he trying to grind you down? So you start reducing your phonecalls to friends, stop interacting with hobbyists... you see where I'm going?

Yokey · 02/06/2021 00:53

You need to highlight this behaviour and tell him you feel he's trying to manipulate and gaslight you. Ask him why he does it and ask if he feels insecure,.but tell him firmly to keep his (what I'm sure he'll protest are light hearted and innocent) comments to himself. He may not realise what a controlling tit he's being and how uncomfortable it makes you.

Original poster
Minime2 · 02/06/2021 00:57

@singingsands yeah I feel he is. Thing is he's been like that pretty much since we've been together and I've resisted it. I don't know, it's like he wants all the attention on him all the time
@Yokey yes 100% he will protest innocence, he always does. I has it out with him about it before and he said he would stop, which he did for like a few months then started again

I just don't know anyone who behaves like this. If he goes on his phone, I couldn't care less

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Pretzelcoatl · 02/06/2021 00:57

It sounds like the joking way guys exaggerate or say the opposite of what they mean to each other to me.

But if it bothers you, let him know that. Expect that he may possibly poke fun at you being bothered by it though.

Mossrock · 02/06/2021 01:02

I’d wonder if he is projecting and up to god knows what online.

Original poster
Minime2 · 02/06/2021 01:04

@Pretzelcoatl it isn't like that, it's not jokey AT ALL
@mossrock I don't know honestly. I wouldn't have thought he was up to anything bad

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Pretzelcoatl · 02/06/2021 01:07

[quote Minime2]@Pretzelcoatl it isn't like that, it's not jokey AT ALL
@mossrock I don't know honestly. I wouldn't have thought he was up to anything bad[/quote]
Fair enough, although for comedic effect it’s best done in the “straight man” way.

JungleIsMassive · 02/06/2021 01:08

Does he use social media himself? Does he use his phone a lot?

Nomoreminecraftplease · 02/06/2021 01:15

My DH does exactly the same. If I'm messaging a friend or on fb or WhatsApp he will say stop texting your boyfriend. Or tell your boyfriend you cant make it tonight etc. Hmm

TheChiefJo · 02/06/2021 01:18

Is he a jealous person? Controlling? Because it looks like a veiled attempt to control you. And when men do that, it's usually because they are jealous and insecure.

JungleIsMassive · 02/06/2021 01:20

Do you use your phone all the time. Are you always on it? So everytime he walks in a room you're on your phone? Is this his passive way of saying 'get off your phone all the time'?

Original poster
Minime2 · 02/06/2021 01:22

@jungleismassive no he doesn't use his phone much

@nomoreminecraftplease it's good to hear from someone else who deals with something similar though sorry you have to put up with it too. Why do you think your dh does it?

@thechiefjo yes I think he probably is but no idea why

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Original poster
Minime2 · 02/06/2021 01:25

@jungleismassive no I don't use my phone all the time... Depends what you deem 'all the time' but if I check my screen time it usually averages 30-40 mins a day... Which I don't consider a lot. The issue is if I ever just use my phone in front of him, he would make remarks so I have a habit of now doing it when he's not in the room thus making it seem like he's caught me doing it... But sometimes I have to rely to work related messgaes

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Mossrock · 02/06/2021 01:28

It would infuriate me OP.

If he’s not actually up to something it still smacks of a guilty mind. Could be misplaced guilt or echoing what one of his parents used to do but whatever it is needs to stop. You don’t need his toxic thoughts.

If he won’t explain himself or examine his behaviour then I’m not sure what you can do. But you shouldn’t have to live that way Flowers

JungleIsMassive · 02/06/2021 01:28

Half an hour a day? I guess you have a tablet or computer or something then?

AsWeKnowIt · 02/06/2021 01:38

@Mossrock

I’d wonder if he is projecting and up to god knows what online.
My thoughts too. Porn addiction, or more likely from the type of remarks he's making, he pays women to interact with him on OnlyFans or whatever.
LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 02/06/2021 01:48

It’s most likely dickish/controlling/jealous behaviour.

There is an outside chance he thinks he’s being funny (but you’d know if he has that lame sort of humour).

There is also a chance that you are on your phone more than you realise and it’s getting on his nerves.

Why don’t you challenge him directly? Ask him whether he is troubled by your SM usage? And if he isn’t then would he stop with the comments.