Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is weird behaviour

60 replies

Minime2 · 02/06/2021 00:24

My dh's behaviour is starting to get on my nerves (well it's probably been annoying me for years now...) and I find it weird...
Examples include: if I'm on my phone or on fb on my laptop chatting to a friend, and he comes into the room, he will say 'oh sorry I caught you doing that' ...
Caught me doing what?
If I show him a photo on my phone of something he will be very reluctant to look at it /shield his face in case he sees something else.
Earlier on, I was posting something relating to a hobby on Instagram and even though it only took 5 mins, he left the room with our baby...
I'm just kind of confused by this behaviour... Why would he behave like this? It's not like he's trying to give me privacy, it's like he really dislikes me doing any of the above... I just don't know 🤔

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 02/06/2021 02:00

I would probably be saying such things to a partner myself, if they were always glued to a phone.

BigHeadBertha · 02/06/2021 02:02

All I can figure is that he is trying to be funny. And that he's said it for so long that it's just kind of become a habit to say that, though the "joke" was long worn out.

I wouldn't assume anything sinister just based on that, unless there's evidence for it.

Is he kind of an odd guy otherwise? Have you asked him why he does it?

JungleIsMassive · 02/06/2021 02:06

I think you probably love social media. Updating profiles etc. Actually care for Internet likes etc which effects your mood.
And this is his way of letting you know.
Or you spend too much time online in general.

Or

He's a weirdo.

Downunderduchess · 02/06/2021 02:55

Ask him to explain what he means & why he is saying it. Tell him you want to understand why he thinks/speaks like that. It sounds ridiculous, I doubt he would have a valid response, seems very belittling & controlling.

Newestname001 · 02/06/2021 03:03

I went out for a walk earlier, phoned a friend for a chat and as I was arriving home, he popped up randomly behind me out of nowhere and said 'sorry to catch you on your private phone call' wtf

That's weird behaviour, @Minime2. Was he following you do you think? 🌹

Eileen101 · 02/06/2021 03:06

That's the kind of thing my ex would have done as part of other generally controlling behaviour.

Can you just be frank with him and tell him there's nothing that he needs to "catch you" doing and he's not being amusing, so just cut it out?

honeygirlz · 02/06/2021 05:22

I agree with pp, it's controlling behaviour designed to inhibit you calling friends or do anything that means attention is not totally on him.

Call him out on it. If he doesn't change then there is a serious issue here.

Tlollj · 02/06/2021 05:40

You’ve said it’s already making you use your phone less. So I guess that’s why he doing it.

Nothingyet · 02/06/2021 05:53

@honeygirlz

I agree with pp, it's controlling behaviour designed to inhibit you calling friends or do anything that means attention is not totally on him.

Call him out on it. If he doesn't change then there is a serious issue here.

That's it, exactly. Passive aggressive to get what the wants- your undivided attention. Tell him to F--- off.
billy1966 · 02/06/2021 06:29

Controlling behaviour that is trying to grind you down.

Kindly meant but you have had one baby with a nasty looser, sort out your contraception because he is only going to get worse.

You are not going to want to end up with him.

Watch him carefully, he is not a good man.
Flowers

Original poster
Minime2 · 02/06/2021 06:35

@jungleismassive I don't love social media... I rarely go on it, except for Instagram which is for a hobbt/business I'm trying to develop so I kind of think he should be supportive of that but even then I'm not on it a lot by anyone's standards.

@eileen101 I've had it out with him before and it worked for like a few months before he started it up again.

Even if I don't use my phone, he finds something else... Like if I go on my laptop to chat to a friend

OP posts:
BlueDucky · 02/06/2021 06:38

Very weird behaviour. Be careful OP he sounds controlling to me.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 02/06/2021 06:42

Sounds controlling and that he is judging you by his own poor standards.

timeisnotaline · 02/06/2021 06:52

New goal op. Min half hour sitting on your phone in his presence per day. Tell him you’ve decided to increase your phone usage so he gets enough exposure that he learns to cope. You will review whether you need to up that time in a week.

Original poster
Minime2 · 02/06/2021 07:01

@timeisnotaline he will go mad if I do that

OP posts:
Sally872 · 02/06/2021 07:08

"I've told you that's annoying. No idea why you continue to comment unless you are deliberately trying to bother me. Mission accomplished I'm annoyed. Thanks" then go off to use your phone elsewhere.

Would drive me mad.

4PawsGood · 02/06/2021 07:13

Does he make a fuss when you arrange to meet people irl too? (Hard at the moment, I realise.)
It sounds like he’s trying to isolate you. The popping up on the walk is really odd.

SarahBellam · 02/06/2021 07:13

What’s he like when you go out to meet friends or run errands?

StopSayingDueDiligence · 02/06/2021 07:14

I wonder if timeisnotaline is divorced....

LadyOfTheFlowers · 02/06/2021 07:17

P used to be like this
It's a way to try and make you use your phone less because they are jealous/insecure about who you may be talking to/looking at.
Then as you say, you use your phone away from them because you can't be bothered with their pathetic behaviour/accusations and that makes you look suss because you are using your phone "secretly". You can't win.

In my situation, he is constantly on his phone, in fact, he spent pretty much all day yesterday sat in the sun on his phone - he had to run an extension line into the garden to plug it in to enable him to stay on it.
He's genuinely addicted to it. He is often just scrolling stuff and not actually reading anything. However, I spend more than 5 minutes looking at mine and it's "What you doing?/What you reading?/Who's that then?/Everything ok?"

I just use my phone whenever I like now although I do have the sound off which means I miss calls etc sometimes so still I guess I don't/can't use it freely.

If it does ever beep I also have a habit of going "It's Jen. Just wanted to ask advice about baking" or whatever before he has a chance to answer and that really annoys him.... Confused

LadyOfTheFlowers · 02/06/2021 07:18

*before he has a chance to ask, meant to say

Sweetslumber · 02/06/2021 07:31

What would happen if you played along? Every time he enters the room snap your laptop shut or put your phone face down 🤣

I would be inclined to just tell him that he’s irritating the hell out of you. Ask him directly if he’s trying to be funny (and failing) or if there is an actual problem.

Zzelda · 02/06/2021 07:39

The issue is if I ever just use my phone in front of him, he would make remarks so I have a habit of now doing it when he's not in the room thus making it seem like he's caught me doing it... But sometimes I have to rely to work related messgae

Change this round - make a point of doing it when he's in the room. He can't claim to have "caught" you if it's blatantly obvious you're not hiding anything.

Or turn the joke round. Say "Yes, this is one of my lovers saying tonight's the night" and similar every time. His reaction could be interesting.

NormanStangerson · 02/06/2021 07:40

I’d start making blasé and enigmatic responses to his weird comments.

“Sorry to have caught you on your on your private phone call.”
“Ah that’s ok, I’ll call him back later.”

We may joke but actually at the back of this is a man uncomfortable with you having contact with anyone else and who is trying to control you. And that’s worrying.

Zzelda · 02/06/2021 07:41

[quote Minime2]@timeisnotaline he will go mad if I do that[/quote]
He will go mad if you use your phone in his presence for only half an hour a day? Is there any point in continuing this relationship?

Swipe left for the next trending thread