Would this be really rude of me or would no one even notice?

[Chiccachoo]

Hi. I’m after some perspective from other people. I have a wedding to go to at the end of July. Now most “normal” people would think great, no big deal, something to look forward to, but that’s the problem, I’m not looking forward to it. Now this isn’t down to anyone else, or the fact that I don’t like the people I’ll be around all day, no, it’s because of me. You see I suffer with anxiety, and this last year or so since covid it’s got real. I think I have other issues going on to and I don’t feel like I respond to things like this in a normal way. I don’t feel confident in how I look. I’m overweight, hopeless with hair and make up, and I even find sorting an outfit a challenge. I find making small talk for more than an hour or so incredibly challenging and that’s with people I know well, not strangers.

I have dc and haven’t had a night away in years so my dh thinks it’ll be a good night. I only admitted to him the other day that I’ve been worried about this wedding for a long time, I’m talking months, around summer last year when it was in the early stages of being arranged. He has suggested that we take time out throughout the day, like in between the formalities to take some time out just for us. We are staying over at the venue so have our room and dh has said we can always go back to there and chill in between if it all gets to much for me. So what do we all think of that would it be rude of me? I’m thinking if I can get some time in between everything to chill, even if it’s 10 minutes or so, I might be able to get though the day without wanting to just go back to my room, get in bed and not leave until the next morning.

After the ceremony why don’t you simply say that you’ve got a headache and are going to have a lie down. Surely none of your family would bother you if you say you aren’t feeling well? If your sister says she will come with you, tell her that you just want a half hour break to let the painkillers do their work, so that you can rejoin the wedding in time for the meal. You could do the same thing later on as well. Better than trying to sneak away from your sister and having her come hammering on your room door!

Last wedding we went to we watched an entire episode of Strictly (Scott in a crab costume, iirc) between formal reception and dancing.

I think you're definitely going to have to (a) bare-facedly lie about the room number or (b) tell your sister she's not coming in.

I don’t think anyone would notice, maybe if you are worried about what they think if they do notice, I would blame my shoes and say I needed to change them.

A great compromise! Go for it and enjoy