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Original poster

To feel so sad every time she changes? * (Title changed at OP's request)

74 replies

Putthebiglighton · 30/05/2021 21:32

First time mum to my only Dd toddler (fertility issues, won’t be able to have more)
I just feel so sad with each phase she goes through, if that makes sense? Like when she was tiny, it was like she was another person, then this slightly different personality Forbes and now I can see her growing into the next phase and her toddlerhood almost coming to an end. It just hurts my heart and I wish I could hold onto every one of those phases 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Putthebiglighton · 30/05/2021 21:33

*Formed

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 30/05/2021 21:34

Bereaved is a pretty strong word to use. People have actually lost children.

Nicknacky · 30/05/2021 21:35

Jeez please change your title!!!

Lottielovescake · 30/05/2021 21:36

The beauty of having children is watching them grow and develop. Try to reframe it in your mind - being there and seeing her change and grow is a gift!

Original poster
Putthebiglighton · 30/05/2021 21:36

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to come across like that

OP posts:
Lougle · 30/05/2021 21:36

I think it's the most exciting thing about being a parent! As they grow, I get to find out who they are, their likes, their dislikes. My children are teens/tween now and it is so amazing to see how they've become their own people.

TinaYouFatLard · 30/05/2021 21:37

It’s natural to feel a twinge of sadness but bereaved is too much. You’ll end up being sad that you spent too much time being sad IYSWIM.

I blame a lot of this type of feeling on the Facebook shite that constantly harps on about how one day you’ll miss all the mess and one day will be the last that they hold your hand etc etc.

Each stage has its own joys.

Diorissimo1985 · 30/05/2021 21:38

I think bereft might be a better choice of word.

You have to focus on each wonderful stage - treasure it and how she grows and develops.

suspiria777 · 30/05/2021 21:38

I think the general feeling is common (see ABBA's "Slipping Through My Fingers") but bereaved is a massively histrionic word to use.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 30/05/2021 21:38

I think it's really sad to view it that way, honestly
You might need to speak to a professional to explore why you feel that way. It's not good for either of you.

Definately · 30/05/2021 21:38

I did feel like this until I realised I enjoyed every stage much more than the last. I thought I'd be devastated not to have my little toddler holding my hand with his little chubby hand to feed the ducks. But it turned out having a 4 year old chattering about the ducks is actually hilarious sometimes. What they lose in chubby cuteness they make up for a thousand times in personality. And when you can reason with them it's like a whole new brilliant stage of life begins because yes often their logical is somewhat iffy Grin but you learn a lot seeing things through their eyes and you're not physically lugging them about/lifting them off the floor after a tantrum/wrestling them into bed etc anymore.

MsChatterbox · 30/05/2021 21:38

I get what you mean. I look back on baby pictures and cannot believe its the same person. Feels like another world! Now with my second I realise how little of the day to day baby stuff I remember and cannot believe I'm going for forget all these things that are happening right now so I get sad about that too!

Original poster
Putthebiglighton · 30/05/2021 21:39

@Lottielovescake @Lougle Oh it’s definitely exciting and a real privilege for sure, but it comes with sadness for me. I wish I could do it all again or it hadn’t gone so quickly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Putthebiglighton · 30/05/2021 21:39

Have reported it to have the title changed

OP posts:
BirthdayCakeBelly · 30/05/2021 21:39

It might help to see every change as a new and exciting chapter for both of you.

I don’t miss any of the early days. Just remind yourself of all the tough times. The constant feeding. The nappy changes. The anxiety associated with a baby. The older they get the more robust they are. Their personality develops. They become their own person. You get a bit of your life back. Bring on 18 lol.

callmemaybee · 30/05/2021 21:40

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

I think it's really sad to view it that way, honestly You might need to speak to a professional to explore why you feel that way. It's not good for either of you.
I agree with this.

If you genuinely feel bereaved, that’s not normal.

Bittersweet might be a better term.

callmemaybee · 30/05/2021 21:40

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

I think it's really sad to view it that way, honestly You might need to speak to a professional to explore why you feel that way. It's not good for either of you.
I agree with this.

If you genuinely feel bereaved, that’s not normal.

Bittersweet might be a better term.

BettysFondantFancy · 30/05/2021 21:41

I had this same conversation with my friend the other night and my dc are 15 and 17!!
Some days I can't even look at baby photos of them because I'm so sad that those days are passed.
Of course I completely love who they are now and I know how lucky I am to have them, but it doesn't stop me feeling sad that the babies and toddlers and children that they were are gone forever.
I get you OP. It's hard, but it just makes you appreciate each day that little bit more 💐

CharlieChickenson · 30/05/2021 21:41

I think a certain amount of grief at the end of a stage is normal, especially when the choice of more children has been taken out of your hands. But it has to be equal to anticipation and excitement to what the next stage will bring.

Take the photos, make the memories together, keep the special clothes and items but try not to get too bogged down in it. There's so much more to come. If you do find it's something you're really having trouble with and can't move on from maybe look into a counselling service to talk it through?

Youngatheart00 · 30/05/2021 21:41

Bereaved? Some people have no living children, your title is a little insensitive.

It’s fine to feel nostalgic, that is what photos and memories are for. Time passes - make the most of it.

Original poster
Putthebiglighton · 30/05/2021 21:41

@MsChatterbox That’s it, I can’t believe how much I forgot 🤷🏻‍♀️Why

OP posts:
Hadjab · 30/05/2021 21:42

I have three kids, and I’ve enjoyed every stage of their growing independence. I’m really looking forward to the day they all leave home 🤣🤣

Original poster
Putthebiglighton · 30/05/2021 21:44

@Youngatheart00 I’ve asked for the title to be changed, I wasn’t thinking about it properly and should have worded it differently.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 30/05/2021 21:44

It’s lovely and exciting that they grow up. I would be 🙄 if anyone said this in real life particularly saying you were bereaved! Drama llama behaviour

inmyslippers · 30/05/2021 21:46

I cried when I changed the pram from parent to forward facing. I told myself it's the hormones...I cried the other day thinking he'll leave for uni one day. My child is 4 😆

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