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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally overwhelmed by the garden?

156 replies

flyingtartar · 30/05/2021 12:46

It defeats me every fucking year. Last year, for obvious reasons, I got on top of it and got some pleasure out of it and thought it would be a turning point. This year I started out with good intentions in the Easter break (I'm a teacher) and mowed the lawn and did some weeding and planting. Then it rained solidly for a month.

This morning I have gone out there and it's just awful. The lawn is massive, there are waist high dandelions and other weeds around the edges. These weird things that I think are comfrey (?) are out of control and shrubs that had been cut to stumps are flourishing in an unattractive way. The lavender I planted last year looks good and can just about be seen, the carpet rose I planted is alive but barely identifiable and the hydrangea I planted at Easter is amazingly alive but only visible if you go right up to it.

It doesn't help that I'm really scared of slugs and snails so won't go out unless it's been dry for a few days. Also a big hebe in the front that had been there for a few years had died for some reason so that needs sorting too.

When I go running literally every garden looks tidy and the majority look lovely yet this seems beyond me. I posted on a million sites and a guy is coming round later so hopefully it will be better by tonight and ds1 has decided to dig up the dead thing, but AIBU to think every other person manages to keep on top of this?

OP posts:
AnUnoriginalUsername · 30/05/2021 12:50

Ours is a mess. Neighbours must hate us. We have plans for it but just not the time 😩

NoSquirrels · 30/05/2021 12:54

If you don’t like gardening - which you clearly don’t! - then you need to realise you’ll never have the sort of beautiful garden you see out and about, as it’s a lot of work. So get a low-maintenance plan for it, and just relax!

SuperSecretSquirrels · 30/05/2021 12:57

I was so pleased with ours last year, but it’s current knee-high weeds and grass. I’m going to attack it with the strimmer today, but it will take days of work.

Seeline · 30/05/2021 12:57

Either get a gardener or have it landscaped in a way that makes it low maintenance.

You can't leave a garden for a month at this time of year and not expect it to grow rapidly!

socalledfriend · 30/05/2021 13:07

Can you afford a gardener? I love having a pretty garden, but hate, and am useless at gardening, so I farm it out.

imaginethemdragons · 30/05/2021 13:11

I was just going to post the exact same thing op!
Mine is the same.
My neighbours do hate me.
But they can fuck off frankly.
I don’t have the time, simple.
I get to it when I can.
I’ve been out in it this morning, lawn mowed, edges strimmed , weeding done, potted plants done.
Tip run done after shed cleared and swept out.
And I’ve cut back one small hedge. The other monster needs doing but no, not today.
This morning is the first time in months, it looks good, feels good to have accomplished but I know it will all need doing again in a week.
I work 60 hours a week. I have one day off a week. I clean, do laundry, food planning and shopping. I can’t fit an unruly garden in as well.
I was thinking about a gardener but don’t know how much this would be.
Pffft.

tentosix · 30/05/2021 13:11

It helps to have a lawn obsessed DH, but the weeds are defeating me in the borders.

MiddlesexGirl · 30/05/2021 13:16

Do the bare minimum. A lawn if the garden is big. And shrubs. Don't do more than you can manage in terms of flowers and roses as they take time to nurture the plants and to control the weeds around them. Most shrubs can either be left to their own devices or get a quick prune and tidy once a year and are dense enough to suppress weeds.

Original poster
flyingtartar · 30/05/2021 13:22

Glad it's not just me! Man has just quoted just under £300 to do it all today, which I've accepted although hadn't planned to spend that today! I just can't believe that all these amazing gardens I see belong to retired gardening fanatics but I don't see how anyone has time for it all. I think I hang on by the skin of my teeth doing house, job, kids throughout the year and then when garden gets added during the spring/summer it's a step too far! I should just bite the bullet and get a regular gardener I think....

OP posts:
BreakingtheIce · 30/05/2021 13:25

I love gardens but have never been any good at hardening. I wish I was. I feel exhausted and defeated by it every year. I plant things, they don’t grow. Or the wrong things grow. I’m just useless at it. Weeds everywhere.

BreakingtheIce · 30/05/2021 13:25

Gardening!

MiddlesexGirl · 30/05/2021 13:25

Hydrangea make take a while to establish. Most plants need a decent amount of water in the first season and hydrangeas are particularly thirsty. Last year was quite hot but if your hydrangea is still alive it should do better this year.
The hebe may have reached the end of its alloted lifespan?

Peanut91 · 30/05/2021 13:29

I feel the same OP but each year feel resentful of our retired neighbors beautiful garden so this year I hired a gardener. He comes every other week for an hour or two depending on what aspect of the garden he is working on and it looks so much better. Definitely money well spent. I have then really enjoyed spending a bit of time picking out some flowers and strawberry plants for my beds and then I just keep everything watered on between the gardener's visits

HotChoc10 · 30/05/2021 13:32

I like wilder gardens! Think how grateful the insects will be.

PetuniaPot · 30/05/2021 13:32

Look at other gardens for pleasure and inspiration but not comparison.
Their owners don't have your life and vice versa.

Like every part of the household little and often helps. I have a household app on my phone and I've put in a garden section to do regular basics in season such as grass cut, hedges trimmed, pots "picked over". The garden is mostly shrubs (lowish maintenance) with a few patio pots because I like them and like tending them. I never used to bother with pots or baskets when I had little kids.
I am not fussy. Only thing the kids roll their eyes at is I am determined to pick weeds before they seed.

mybrainhertz · 30/05/2021 13:37

I have managed to keep weeds down in the front border by laying sheets of newspaper around the shrubs then applying bags of bark as a mulch. In the stubbornnesst weediness areas I have placed large rockery stones and it's working so far.

Someone from a lawn care company will come and see to your lawn, they come back regularly to maintain.

Some plants/shrubs are easy to grow, so I just focus on them. I have honeysuckle, hydrangea, herbs, grannies bonnets, lupin and lavender. I have a big budlea shrub in the back garden as well.

I agree that gardens can be time consuming and hard work. You can reduce the size you have to look after by making gravel beds with ornamental stones, flag stones or pots on instead of grass or plants. I had a problem area in the front, so it's just pretty gravel and rocks now and it looks nice. I'm doing the same to a shaded part in the back garden because it's maintenance free. Just Google for ideas.

Original poster
flyingtartar · 30/05/2021 13:43

Ah, well that's good if hydrangea are thirsty as they've had a bloody good drink lately, It was new at Easter but has lovely flowers still... Also the tiny honeysuckle I planted last year is well-established, big and with lots of flowers, so that's a positive too!

I think my garden is particularly difficult tbh. There's quite a big area that's never been lawned properly that is really prone to weeds, these comfrey things pop up, and it's surrounded by big shrubs that are always unruly and rarely flower. One's a lilac and got one flower last year, though a few more this year - others I see are covered. Also, two had loads of lovely white and purple flowers last April/May but they didn't flower this year and just look a mess. There's one that used to get pink flowers in April that hasn't flowered for years. Then, other than a buddleia, there's nothing with colour apart from what I planted last year and any new stuff I plant. It's just depressing.

OP posts:
Roodicus21 · 30/05/2021 13:45

Having a nice garden takes work. Dh and I spent 4 hours yesterday doing ours and pretty much a few weeks every weekend since March. I love to use my garden so it's worth it.

WineAcademy · 30/05/2021 13:46

I've just given up and hired a gardener to come hack at mine. It's a small garden, but completely out of control. He looked rather aghast when he came for a quote! Blush

It will cost a bit to get it under control to start with, but then a monthly visit thereafter, which I consider money well spent, and time I can devote elsewhere (which, tbh, I already have been doing, hence the out of control state of it!)

My partner is a keen gardener, so we are looking at getting a house together with a big garden, but I'll leave her to it. She gets a lot of pleasure out of it, and I think some of the DC will as well, but I will relegate myself to the sidelines, or perhaps lifting heavy objects when required.

Calmdown14 · 30/05/2021 13:47

Little and often. No one's enjoys days of sorting out.
You'd be better with less lawn perhaps and more raised beds.
I have Cotswold stone gravel in the areas that were too prone to weeds and pots. Love the lawn but much easier to manage without the difficult bits.
You also need to invest in some 'brave gloves' as waiting days for it to dry is ridiculous.
Every time you go out pull up a few weeds and if you can't control the shrubs dig them out and replace with something more manageable

Dishwashersaurous · 30/05/2021 13:48

People spend hours and hours and hours on gardens just to keep it under control.

Either retired.
Pay gardener
Or it’s their hobby and they spend all their time on it.

And frequently all three!

lidoshuffle · 30/05/2021 13:50

Gardening - outdoor housework Sad

AnAwesomePossum · 30/05/2021 13:52

I was actually going to post something similar today. The past month has driven it wild and I don’t know how to tackle it. I spent 3 hours yesterday hacking down the overgrown bushes and it looked no different. Cutting the grass has made the biggest difference though. Now it is still overgrown round the borders but it looks an awful lot better.

Have a think about which plants are harder to manage and whether it’s worth digging them up and replacing with something more low maintenance. Ask the garden for tips whilst he’s there.

buggerbuggery · 30/05/2021 14:03

My in-laws had a beautiful garden. My MIL spent at least 2 hours a day gardening.
I bloody hate gardening and feel your pain.

Deadringer · 30/05/2021 14:08

Our garden is big and frankly crap looking, i just keep one small part looking nice and pretty much ignore the rest.