Long-term unemployed, still at home man=awful partner. AIBU?

[Miikesnow]

Hi, my sister-30, extremely hard- working single mother, has started seeing a 35-year-old man who - apart from an odd summer job while at uni before he dropped out - has never really worked.
His mother moved down to our area when he was early twenties and in relationship with older woman. That ended and he followed his mom here.
Now I know people live at home longer these days but BOTH long term unemployment AND living at home at his age is a major, major red flag for me.
Now imo this man-nice though he is-is a waste of space as a partner. My sister thinks I'm wrong.
He may be mentally ill (in which case he needs help) or just plain lazy either way, not good.
It's up to her of course but nevertheless I don't think I'm wrong about this.
AIBU?

@Miikesnow

For heaven's sake such OTT comments above. This is a man who tried to get my sister to let him hide in her flat and LIE to his own mother about being on a course.

Yet he is still potentially a good partner. I mean wtf? Not to mention the sudden seriousness of this relationship now he needs somewhere to live!

The guy's obviously either too messed in the head to be involved with OR just plain lazy.

Lying to his own mother like that.

They're not OTT though are they, you just don't like people pointing out your stupid comments. He can be a shit, lazy person without you saying "too messed in the head" and saying he must have mental health problems? Can you honestly not see how offensive that is? Nobody is arguing that he's a wonderful guy, most agree he's probably a loser, but with your insensitive and downright shitty attitude about mental health I'm not surprised people are critical of you.

The point is, it's not for you to judge whether a man would be a good partner for your sister. It's your sister's business, not yours. If it goes wrong, be there to pick up the pieces.

He doesn't sound like a catch. I couldn't deal with a man who didn't work, or who had no ambition. But I wouldn't impose my own preferences on someone else.

She could meet a doctor who is violent towards her, or a lawyer who steals, or a business owner who has a drug problem or an accountant who cheats on her.

Regardless of them being "FWB", you don't know the ins and outs of his life in the same way your sister does. Your sister obviously knows him well enough to get serious with, and sees something in him that's worthy of getting together with him.

So the comments aren't OTT. They're just pointing out that things look different from your position and you can't possibly know all the details.

Sorry about those comments about being too sick to work make me 😡, Yes there are people who are too sick to work if you are able to spend time on here posting or dating, doing hobbies you can work it at least try to work. It being difficult to work is not, not able. I managed to work through the worst of my PTSD, work through worst of my cancer treatment and other conditions. I am not well but I work to support myself and when I could not work in my profession due to not having the mental agility to do so, I volunteered and did an Esl so I could do something when I was feeling a bit better,until I was well enough to go back to my career, I have spent many years working in countries where you dont work , you dont eat and really most people can work with adaptations. My next door neighbour is 93 and still does accounts for clients and lives it, I would be concerned about your sister as he sounds like he is simply one of those people who want someone else to take care of them and are just lazy.

@QueenofDestruction

Sorry about those comments about being too sick to work make me 😡, Yes there are people who are too sick to work if you are able to spend time on here posting or dating, doing hobbies you can work it at least try to work. It being difficult to work is not, not able. I managed to work through the worst of my PTSD, work through worst of my cancer treatment and other conditions. I am not well but I work to support myself and when I could not work in my profession due to not having the mental agility to do so, I volunteered and did an Esl so I could do something when I was feeling a bit better,until I was well enough to go back to my career, I have spent many years working in countries where you dont work , you dont eat and really most people can work with adaptations. My next door neighbour is 93 and still does accounts for clients and lives it, I would be concerned about your sister as he sounds like he is simply one of those people who want someone else to take care of them and are just lazy.

Someone posting on here, or having hobbies does not mean that they can hold down a job! I post on here, have hobbies... I even leave my house! Being employed is totally different! I am glad you managed despite your own issues, but everyone is different and can handle different levels of stress.