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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be suspicious of how DS got his injuries?

75 replies

TyrantosaurusRex · 29/05/2021 10:06

DP took DS (22 months) with him to the shop yesterday, when he returned DP was carrying DS and says there was an accident.

He went on to say that DS wanted to go on the slide (even though it’s not really visible from the road) so that’s why they went in to the park. It’s a big slide and DP said he went on it with DS but they stopped part way down and DS decided to stand up and try and walk down and he fell.

He then added that a woman passing by ran into the park to check DS was ok and that she said “I saw everything, there’s a centre up the road where you can get him checked”

I asked what was he (DP) doing, he said he tried to stop him, but he was trying to get up himself.

I saw a big bump on the back of his head and said “ouch that looks sore”, DP said “what does?” I said “this bump on the back of his head” DP replied “what bump?”
DS also has grazes over one side of his face, a small cut under his nose on the opposite side and a red bump with a scratch through it on his forehead.
When I asked about the cut under the nose DP said that some bark must have scratched him.

DP has form for lying

My suspicions are this:

DP has been playing a lot of Pokémon Go recently. There is a Gym at this park. He said his phone ran out of battery before he got there (5 mins after leaving home), but he put one of his Pokémon in the Gym, when I asked how that was possible he replied that he turned his phone on again (10 mins away from home) and managed to get an extra 5% battery but only enough to put the Pokémon in, he appeared pissed off with me for asking.

I keep wondering why the woman would have rushed over if DP was in reach, and even so, why would she have said “I saw everything”

DP also said that the bottom of the slide was dirty, and DS was filthy because of that (he was wearing a puddle suit as it was raining) DP’s clothes are clean. Also, there’s no bark at the bottom of the slide.

I suspect DP decided to go to the park to do Pokémon, and thought DS could play, DS fell while DP was on his phone and that’s why the woman ran over and why she said she saw everything, it would also explain why DP didn’t know about the bump on the back of DS’s head but I could be wrong...

What would you make of this?
AIBU for being suspicious?

OP posts:

sirfredfredgeorge · 29/05/2021 10:14

even though it’s not really visible from the road

Your ds old enough to remember there's a slide there.

If he was lying to try and portray himself in a more attentive light, why would he regale the story of the woman rushing over?

We have no idea if your DH is inattentive, or if you are over-anxious, but what are you actually suspicious of, children will injure themselves in parks, they're not designed to avoid all chances injury (if they were, they'd be useless as places of play)

LeafBeetle · 29/05/2021 10:16

I agree with you that things didn't happen as he described. If he was right there and saw the whole thing he would have known about the bump.

Don't stay with someone you can't trust OP

JackANackAnoreeee · 29/05/2021 10:19

Unless you have form for being paranoid and suspicious (which would also then explain why DP lies ) then I would trust your instincts. You know your DP and whether he's likely to play pokemon and leave DS unattended and then lie about it.

BrieAndChilli · 29/05/2021 10:20

Bumps can and often take a little while to come up so it is possible when he checked him over straight after there was no bump and by the time he got home the bump had raised up.

MournfulTromboneNoise · 29/05/2021 10:22

@LeafBeetle

I agree with you that things didn't happen as he described. If he was right there and saw the whole thing he would have known about the bump.

Don't stay with someone you can't trust OP

The other option is leaving and knowing they'll be have the kids alone where you can supervise.

A friend is stuck until her children are old enough to say what actually happened.

UnbeatenMum · 29/05/2021 10:22

I don't think it's possible to tell tbh. My youngest is the same age and accidents in playgrounds are common even if you're right there. They want to use the play structures that are really for older children. My LO fell off a wooden play structure a couple of months ago (onto bark) even though I was next to him.

MournfulTromboneNoise · 29/05/2021 10:23

Can't supervise.*

Zanzibar55 · 29/05/2021 10:27

Don't stay with someone you can't trust OP
Goodness! The first sign that things might not be perfect, and the advice is to leave!
Marriage is about learning to live together, and sometimes things need working out. You don't just up and leave, the first time anything goes wrong.

Original poster

TyrantosaurusRex · 29/05/2021 10:33

@sirfredfredgeorge

even though it’s not really visible from the road

Your ds old enough to remember there's a slide there.

If he was lying to try and portray himself in a more attentive light, why would he regale the story of the woman rushing over?

This is the first time DS has been to that park other than once when he was in a push chair at around 8 months, I'm pretty confident he didn't remember it. He usually goes to a different park that they would have passed before then which is designed for younger children, but there's no Pokémon gym at that one.

DP has form for lying for anything as small as eating the last of the biscuits (which I don't have any issues with and don't bother to call him out on). But this isn't about biscuits...

My concern is about what he's saying doesn't add up, and if he's lying. I deserve to know the truth. I am aware that children hurt themselves, but some accidents are preventable, or are you suggesting that it's ok not to pay attention to very young children in a park?

OP posts:

ChiefBabySniffer · 29/05/2021 10:34

@Zanzibar55

If the ops instinct is correct, her child was (in effect) unsupervised while playing on a public park. That is no minor issue and it's clear that if that is the case, the op can no longer trust her partner with their child's safety as Pokemon go is more important too him. Please don't trivialise the seriousness of this. The child is ok apart from bumps and scrapes this time , but serious accidents happen ask the time under supervision. Never mind if a carer is not even paying attention.

Daphnise · 29/05/2021 10:40

I'd say he's lying.

But what do you do? Not trust him with the child ever again?

What would you feel if in a few months there is another "accident"?

Crepescular · 29/05/2021 10:42

Why are you with such a man-child? Going to the park to 'hunt' Pokemon? Jesus!

And, in the meantime, your child gets hurt...

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 29/05/2021 10:42

Hmmm this does sound a bit dodgy, yes. Your partner's explanation doesn't seem to add up. How old is he? He seems pretty into Pokémon.

sirfredfredgeorge · 29/05/2021 10:42

You have a thing about your DH being obsessed with pokemon, but don't believe they would have taken your son there before? That doesn't seem likely does it - it would be the playground he'd choose surely?

I'm not saying you don't need to pay attention, but the story is one that plays him in a bad light (not stopping the child walking down the slide when he's there with him, inventing the stranger rushing over etc.) so it's rather odd to lie to make yourself look bad.

Blankspace101 · 29/05/2021 10:45

Thecatsawinner · 29/05/2021 10:45

I think your DP was dicking around in the park/gym and your DS was unsupervised

CliftonGreenYork · 29/05/2021 10:47

@LeafBeetle

I agree with you that things didn't happen as he described. If he was right there and saw the whole thing he would have known about the bump.

Don't stay with someone you can't trust OP

Have only been a member for a few months now, but have noticed that we are almost always told to leave our husbands as the answer to every dispute. Sometimes I think there is a tendancy to over dramatise things.

LynetteScavo · 29/05/2021 10:52

It sounds like your DP wasn't paying attention and your DS hurt himself while not properly supervised. If a random person thought your DS needed checking out at a center (presumably a health care centre) it must have been one hell of a tumble!

Have you told your DP you think he's lying?

MrsBobDylan · 29/05/2021 10:56

The scratches from a slide fall is weird - did ds fall over the side and how far was the drop?

Lying (even about biscuits) is a deal breaker for me. I am honest and I expect those around me to be the same.

You can't trust him.

JackANackAnoreeee · 29/05/2021 10:57

Ultimately this is an issue of trust. If one of my DC had got injured in the park under DH's watch I would know for a fact that that DH wouldn't have been neglectful (although he might have been momentarly distracted - happens to us all) and he would have felt awful about it. It wouldn't occur to me to question his account or worry that he was at fault.

What I find worrying is that you don't trust your partner to properly supervise your child or to be honest when something goes wrong. There's one of two things going on either you're a paranoid person who is over questioning DP to the point he feels he can't be honest about minor mishaps or DP is genuinely dishonest and irresponsible and as his partner you're picking up on it. Over the internet we can't tell which is the case. Are you in general overly paranoid? Has this been an issue before? If not then I see no reason why you wouldn't trust your instincts.

30mph · 29/05/2021 10:57

Get your son checked out for yourself. All the rest is conjecture at the moment and not the priority.

MargaretThursday · 29/05/2021 10:57

I'm not sure why it doesn't add up.

I remember my cousin doing very similar with my uncle. He was just trying to unstick himself but moving backwards and she stood up and fell over the side of the slide, which was about 5' up at that point. It took a fraction of a second and my cousin was in arms reach up until the moment they fell.

I don't see the lady as at all suspicious. If I've seen a nasty accident where the child has visible injuries I would probably go in to check they were okay, even if they were with mum/dad. Sometimes when your dc has a nasty accident it can be hard to think straight. I've suggested to someone at our park that they go into our pharmacy for medical assistance because I know the chap there both knows his stuff and is helpful.
I might even say that I saw it happen, simply so they don't start trying to explain and also to explain why I've come over. I wouldn't generally go over to someone who's holding a crying child, however if I've seen a nasty accident I probably would go and see if they need some help.

I know you're worrying because he has form for lying, and I can't say he isn't. But there's nothing here that would make me think he wasn't telling the truth.

FTEngineerM · 29/05/2021 11:05

He is obviously lying.
Too interested in his phone rather than keeping an eye on the DC. Accidents happen, kids fall off things but you’re meant to know what happened if your the adult supervising.

GabsAlot · 29/05/2021 11:14

sounds like he was more bothered about catching bloody pokemon than supervising his child

mam0918 · 29/05/2021 11:26

I was with my toddler sibling when I was a pre-teen (some decade ago) and and almost exact same senario happened.

We where riding the slide with him when suddenly he jumped up and tried to run down the bottom of the slide and slipped cracking his head on the base, cue a hospital level concussion - he was litrally just out of arms reach of me when it happened and I had been holding him just seconds earlier.

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