To be suspicious of how DS got his injuries?

[TyrantosaurusRex]

DP took DS (22 months) with him to the shop yesterday, when he returned DP was carrying DS and says there was an accident.

He went on to say that DS wanted to go on the slide (even though it’s not really visible from the road) so that’s why they went in to the park. It’s a big slide and DP said he went on it with DS but they stopped part way down and DS decided to stand up and try and walk down and he fell.

He then added that a woman passing by ran into the park to check DS was ok and that she said “I saw everything, there’s a centre up the road where you can get him checked”

I asked what was he (DP) doing, he said he tried to stop him, but he was trying to get up himself.

I saw a big bump on the back of his head and said “ouch that looks sore”, DP said “what does?” I said “this bump on the back of his head” DP replied “what bump?”
DS also has grazes over one side of his face, a small cut under his nose on the opposite side and a red bump with a scratch through it on his forehead.
When I asked about the cut under the nose DP said that some bark must have scratched him.

DP has form for lying

My suspicions are this:

DP has been playing a lot of Pokémon Go recently. There is a Gym at this park. He said his phone ran out of battery before he got there (5 mins after leaving home), but he put one of his Pokémon in the Gym, when I asked how that was possible he replied that he turned his phone on again (10 mins away from home) and managed to get an extra 5% battery but only enough to put the Pokémon in, he appeared pissed off with me for asking.

I keep wondering why the woman would have rushed over if DP was in reach, and even so, why would she have said “I saw everything”

DP also said that the bottom of the slide was dirty, and DS was filthy because of that (he was wearing a puddle suit as it was raining) DP’s clothes are clean. Also, there’s no bark at the bottom of the slide.

I suspect DP decided to go to the park to do Pokémon, and thought DS could play, DS fell while DP was on his phone and that’s why the woman ran over and why she said she saw everything, it would also explain why DP didn’t know about the bump on the back of DS’s head but I could be wrong...

What would you make of this?
AIBU for being suspicious?

Thank you, there are a lot of good points raised, and I am taking in everyone's contribution.

DS has been checked and there's nothing of serious concern, just advised to keep an eye on him.

The slide is built on a hill (mud & grass) so there's no drop as such, only the height of the side/rails....maybe a foot at most?

I've not been called paranoid before. We're both in our 30's. As I've said he has form for lying to me, and his family & friends, even if small because in his words the truth "makes me look bad". But the comments about the relationship being in question are valid, and it's difficult to work on a relationship with someone who lies and they only tell the truth when confronted with irrefutable proof.

I know accidents happen, but my opinion is that there's a difference between preventable accidents and non preventable accidents. I would class something like a momentary distraction such as a loud noise, another DC etc. to be one of those things and non preventable, and if DP's version is true then that is non preventable, but the injuries don't match. If he was playing on his phone then that was a choice not to pay attention and therefore preventable.

I didn't question him yesterday when it happened because I was more concerned with DS, it wasn't until today that I thought about it again.

Again, you don't respect or trust your partner.

Is that a relationship you enjoy? Is that something you would like to show your children is acceptable?

Every day you're with him you condone his lying.

I know exactly what you mean op. My dh is the same and has form for minimising issues if he's been on his phone. Previous include denying having not changed a nappy, despite it hanging off and also saying an injury was caused by falling on a carpet, but failed the mention the hard plastic toy on the floor that had actually caused the injury. There's dozens of others and he will lie til he is blue in the face even if I have concrete evidence show he's lying.
Trust your instincts. I got the truth both times by saying he'd need medical attention if he'd produced that much urine in 30 mins. Same for the carpet not causing that injury and the doctor could refer to ss for unexplained head injury under his care.

It's a horrible way to live but no way out for me.

The bit I don't get is when you said that your son stopped partway down the slide and tried to walk down. Surely that would be madness to let a small ( or any ) child do that?

It sounds very scary and unsettling to live with a liar .

No, it doesn’t make sense. To have injuries at the back of head and front (face) he must have gone over the side of the slide, hit the ground hard on one side of head and bounced hitting the other. If he stood and fell on the slide only one side of the head would be injured and he would have slid the rest of the way after falling.

I’m guessing he was playing on phone and not supervising but not sure why he’s make up a silly story that doesn’t seem to fit.

Yes it's not just about this incident if he does take the attitude of lying because the truth makes him look bad.
How about dont do bad things then?!

Tbh I don't see much hope for this relationship and I wouldn't blame you for leaving, it's entirely understandable

Are you married to a 10 year old? What man plays Pokemon go?

I don't think it really matters what we think.

You don't trust your DP enough to look after your DC. That is the problem and no amout of Mumsnetters playing detective will change that.

You either need to accept his story, that DC got hurt like he said. Or stop leaving him to care for your child unsupervised. (And deal with what that ultimately means for your relationship)

People confused how you can bang the front and back of your head... ever heard of rolling/flipping?

When you tumble down the stairs etc... you rarely injure just 1 part of yourself not sure how people think falling down a slide could be that different - if the kid stood up on the incline he likely fell forward and flipped.

The long and the sort of it, OP, is that you don’t trust DP.

Regardless of what happened, which you may never know the truth about, you don’t trust him.

What is that telling you?

Kids fall over and hurt themselves all the time.

Yes it’s likely your DH was distracted on the phone playing Pokemon, and lied because he knew you would (over)react but it’s not like he threw him off the slide ffs.

The time will come when you take your eye of him and he gets hurt. Would you want your DH to leave you because of that?

@TyrantosaurusRex

Thank you, there are a lot of good points raised, and I am taking in everyone's contribution.

DS has been checked and there's nothing of serious concern, just advised to keep an eye on him.

The slide is built on a hill (mud & grass) so there's no drop as such, only the height of the side/rails....maybe a foot at most?

I've not been called paranoid before. We're both in our 30's. As I've said he has form for lying to me, and his family & friends, even if small because in his words the truth "makes me look bad". But the comments about the relationship being in question are valid, and it's difficult to work on a relationship with someone who lies and they only tell the truth when confronted with irrefutable proof.

I know accidents happen, but my opinion is that there's a difference between preventable accidents and non preventable accidents. I would class something like a momentary distraction such as a loud noise, another DC etc. to be one of those things and non preventable, and if DP's version is true then that is non preventable, but the injuries don't match. If he was playing on his phone then that was a choice not to pay attention and therefore preventable.

I didn't question him yesterday when it happened because I was more concerned with DS, it wasn't until today that I thought about it again.

This is a rational and considered way of looking at things. I like the preventable v non-preventable angle.

However, all this rationalising is missing the elephant in the room.

Your dh lies for no reason at all.

You cannot trust anything that comes out of his mouth. How can you be with such a person and trust him with anything, much less your most precious dc.

Accidents happen, my DD broke her leg on a slide - we live and learn, hopefully this has taught your DH to be a bit more hands on with his child in the park

It’s not the fact that he had an accident - it’s that his injuries don’t match his account so OP has no idea what’s happened and he’s lying to cover his arse. I would be extremely angry.

I've not been called paranoid before. We're both in our 30's. As I've said he has form for lying to me, and his family & friends, even if small because in his words the truth "makes me look bad".

Well this tells you all you need to know. He has form for lying and you feel you can't trust him to take care of your child or tell you the truth/ Whether or not he's lying on this particular occasion isn't the issue. The issue is that you can't trust him and apparently with good reason.

@Zanzibar55

Don't stay with someone you can't trust OP Goodness! The first sign that things might not be perfect, and the advice is to leave! Marriage is about learning to live together, and sometimes things need working out. You don't just up and leave, the first time anything goes wrong.

Seems to be a common theme on here. All men are bastards, apparently.

It sounds like he wasn't watching - presumably distracted by his phone. I'd get a big bump on the back of the head checked out.

But I would just like to point out that millions of adults play Pokémon Go. It's fun. I'm a 39 year old woman and I've played it since it came out... a lot less since I had a child, but I still love it and play when I can. Yes, even when we go to the park (they're good for Pokémon). How do you think they make so much money from it? It's not just 9 year olds!

No fool plays video games whilst at the park with a 22 month old baby. Utterly useless man.

When you tumble down the stairs etc... you rarely injure just 1 part of yourself not sure how people think falling down a slide could be that different - if the kid stood up on the incline he likely fell forward and flipped.

But would it not be hard to flip ON the slide, if you are elevating enough to flip and turning the chance of staying within the boundaries of a fairly narrow strip of metal are slim. You’d also be going down the slide with some velocity so when you got to the other end the main damage when shooting off the slide would be to the same side you sustained the initial injury, then you could flip but there’d be limited force at that point for injury to the other side. It really only makes sense falling from more of a height and bouncing on one side, flipping and coming down on the other side.

@Crepescular

Why are you with such a man-child? Going to the park to 'hunt' Pokemon? Jesus!

And, in the meantime, your child gets hurt...

Nothing wrong with hunting Pokémon ... it's the not being aware of your kids that's the issue

@LeafBeetle

I agree with you that things didn't happen as he described. If he was right there and saw the whole thing he would have known about the bump.

Don't stay with someone you can't trust OP

Not necessarily,the bump could have appeared as they were coming back home so he might not have seen it. Also the woman saying I saw everything may be her saying I can tell the medical centre he fell, and not be anything sinister at all

@Zanzibar55

Don't stay with someone you can't trust OP Goodness! The first sign that things might not be perfect, and the advice is to leave! Marriage is about learning to live together, and sometimes things need working out. You don't just up and leave, the first time anything goes wrong.

He’s just a boyfriend, and one who won’t perform basic level child safety. Don’t encourage anyone to have low standards, ffs.

Your boyfriend has proven he repeatedly refuses to parent the toddler. What will happen next time he fails?

I wouldn't want to stay with somebody who is so familiar with lies. There would be not trust for me whether it's about biscuits or my child or an affair, and that's not a restful relationship. I would suggest he goes to therapy to work out why he lies and develop more adult coping mechanisms, but honestly if he doesn't do it off his own bat it wouldn't work.

@Hallyup6 What a stupid comment. No one has said all men are bastards. OP is describing a man who is known for lying constantly to not only her but other friends and family members. He even openly says that the 'truth will make him look bad'. Why on earth should OP build a life with someone she can't trust? How is that remotely the same as saying 'all men are bastards'. In fact it's quite the opposite. There are plenty of men who are capable of behaving honestly and responsibly so why put up with one who is not?