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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be suspicious of how DS got his injuries?

75 replies

TyrantosaurusRex · 29/05/2021 10:06

DP took DS (22 months) with him to the shop yesterday, when he returned DP was carrying DS and says there was an accident.

He went on to say that DS wanted to go on the slide (even though it’s not really visible from the road) so that’s why they went in to the park. It’s a big slide and DP said he went on it with DS but they stopped part way down and DS decided to stand up and try and walk down and he fell.

He then added that a woman passing by ran into the park to check DS was ok and that she said “I saw everything, there’s a centre up the road where you can get him checked”

I asked what was he (DP) doing, he said he tried to stop him, but he was trying to get up himself.

I saw a big bump on the back of his head and said “ouch that looks sore”, DP said “what does?” I said “this bump on the back of his head” DP replied “what bump?”
DS also has grazes over one side of his face, a small cut under his nose on the opposite side and a red bump with a scratch through it on his forehead.
When I asked about the cut under the nose DP said that some bark must have scratched him.

DP has form for lying

My suspicions are this:

DP has been playing a lot of Pokémon Go recently. There is a Gym at this park. He said his phone ran out of battery before he got there (5 mins after leaving home), but he put one of his Pokémon in the Gym, when I asked how that was possible he replied that he turned his phone on again (10 mins away from home) and managed to get an extra 5% battery but only enough to put the Pokémon in, he appeared pissed off with me for asking.

I keep wondering why the woman would have rushed over if DP was in reach, and even so, why would she have said “I saw everything”

DP also said that the bottom of the slide was dirty, and DS was filthy because of that (he was wearing a puddle suit as it was raining) DP’s clothes are clean. Also, there’s no bark at the bottom of the slide.

I suspect DP decided to go to the park to do Pokémon, and thought DS could play, DS fell while DP was on his phone and that’s why the woman ran over and why she said she saw everything, it would also explain why DP didn’t know about the bump on the back of DS’s head but I could be wrong...

What would you make of this?
AIBU for being suspicious?

OP posts:

Thisisus909 · 29/05/2021 11:33

@sirfredfredgeorge

even though it’s not really visible from the road

Your ds old enough to remember there's a slide there.

If he was lying to try and portray himself in a more attentive light, why would he regale the story of the woman rushing over?

We have no idea if your DH is inattentive, or if you are over-anxious, but what are you actually suspicious of, children will injure themselves in parks, they're not designed to avoid all chances injury (if they were, they'd be useless as places of play)

I agree with this. Possibly your DP was being inattentive, but I think you sound very suspicious/judgemental about your DP. Is he lying because you blame him for all accidents rather than being part of childhood? Does he have form for being unreliable? I guess in the context on my relationship if daddy said he had got distracted and toddler fell over, I would commiserate how they kids always do this stuff when we stop watching them for a second. But perhaps sounds like your trust is very, very low. We can’t really judge if that’s reasonable or not.

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 29/05/2021 11:34

My conversation would be like this...

"DH, I'm taking DS to the hospital to be checked. If there's something you haven't told me then you need to say now. If you can't be honest, it's going to look suspicious at the hospital ".

Thisisus909 · 29/05/2021 11:34

@Sawyersfishbiscuits

My conversation would be like this...

"DH, I'm taking DS to the hospital to be checked. If there's something you haven't told me then you need to say now. If you can't be honest, it's going to look suspicious at the hospital ".

Wow, really? You may as well end the relationship if you have that level of distrust.

Seeline · 29/05/2021 11:41

I'm not sure the injuries match the story

He has a massive bump on the back of his head as well as a significant bump on his forehead. Grazes on one side of his face and a cut above under his nose in the other. That's more than slipping on a slide.

I would definitely get him checked out though in case of concussion.

VettiyaIruken · 29/05/2021 11:45

I agree he's likely lying.
The bit about the woman rushing up and saying "I saw everything" is odd. Is that what someone would say in that situation or is it what someone would claim was said as a 'backup' for their version. This is what happened and I'm saying random woman saw it too.

He sounds like he's stuck in kid lie mode. I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything 😁

The accident is unfortunate but it happens, kids are clumsy. But an adult with the inability to take responsibility (which is what the I didn't do it response is about) is a problem.

Horehound · 29/05/2021 11:45

I agree, his story is a lie.

Your sounds injuries don't seem consistent with the fall your partner describes either and also, pretty bad he didn't notice any bump or cut etc.
I'd be concerned tbh.

Horehound · 29/05/2021 11:45

Sons*

FrankButchersDickieBow · 29/05/2021 11:46

Oh my god. Don't think I could be with a grown man who plays pokemon go and hunts pokemon. Sad as fuck.

Wannabangbang · 29/05/2021 11:51

Seems like he was to busy playing pokemon to watch your son properly. Hate these men child type creations. He should have been watching his kid!

BirthdayCakeBelly · 29/05/2021 11:52

I don’t understand how a child has injuries on the front of the face and the back of the head from slipping on a slide. Either he slipped backwards and bumped the back of his head or he fell forward injuring the front.
Scratches on the face also don’t sound usual from a fall on a slide unless he made contact with the floor. In which case you’d expect the puddlesuit to be muddy.

Trust your gut.

Onesnowynight · 29/05/2021 11:55

I think he needs to give up his hobby and concentrate on his son!

bounce89 · 29/05/2021 11:55

I had an ex like this, I ended up having to turn into a detective every time anything happened and it made me look like a shit parent if I needed to take dc for treatment. Ex was the same with everything though, he would tell me about a full conversation he'd had with someone at the shop and it would turn out he hadn't even spoken to them in months. It wears really thin and makes you question your own intelligence!

Trust your gut, accidents happen but he should at least be able to be honest.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 29/05/2021 11:55

If your gut feel is that he is lying, and parts of his story don't add up (eg son wanting to go to a park that he couldn't have remembered or seen, battery dying then magically finding another 5%) and he has form for lying then yes he is probably lying. You wont be able to prove it though. He is not going to admit it.
I know you say you let it go when he lies about eating the last biscuit etc but I couldnt live like this, he is obviously in he habit of lying and you seem to accept that so it's no surprise he doesn't tell the truth when he hasnt been paying proper attention to your son and he gets injured (which being honest has happened to most parents at some point)

itsgoodtobehome · 29/05/2021 12:04

I can't get past the fact that a grown man would go out to hunt Pokemon. This is what my 9 year old does.

Fairyliz · 29/05/2021 12:04

Not really the point of the thread but if I was in charge I would pass a law saying all caregivers had to keep their phones in their bag/pocket whilst looking after young children.
The amount of parents you see staring at their bloody phones whilst young children are running around unsupervised is frankly scary.
Can people really not go more than two minutes before looking at their phones?

ForwardRanger · 29/05/2021 12:09

The trouble is that you don't trust your partner. In a healthy relationship we trust each other. Clearly you don't feel able to trust him and that is serious. We don't know what happened at the playground but trust your instincts, your child's safety is at risk here.

Aria2015 · 29/05/2021 12:10

The important thing is to make sure your son is ok. If he's had a bump to the head then you need to look out for signs of concussion. If your partner was indeed with him when it happened, he should be able to tell you how hard he fell and how he fell. That's important information when assessing what the risk that he's suffered a severe bump to the head or not. Lying about petty things like eating the last biscuit would drive me potty but isn't putting anyone at risk, but lying about how an accident happened to a small child could be really dangerous. I would quiz your dp again regarding the bump on his head, what was the height he fell from, did he land on his head or was it his bum / back and his head followed? Make it clear to your partner how important this information is because concussion in small children can be serious. If you feel like he's not being honest then I'd consider taking your son to be checked out and just say that you weren't there when it happened and you're worried. Then you need to have serious words with your partner. If he was distracted by his phone while in the charge of a small child, then that's a problem. Small children have no sense of danger and rely on adults to prevent them from getting seriously hurt. He's meant to be that adult!

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 29/05/2021 12:15

@Thisisus909

But OP is suspicious, which is the point. I wondered if it might make the DH think and be more open about what really happened...?
I'm not suggesting anything sinister so if it read like that I do apologise.

AntiSocialDistancer · 29/05/2021 12:17

I deserve to know the truth

Whilst this is true, you are NEVER going to get to the truth of this incident and you're sleuthing is really for nought.

This is like when women get every shred of evidence to prove their partner is cheating, and they continue to refute all the pieces.

You know he's a liar, you don't like him, or respect him, and he shouldn't be in charge of your child as above all else - you don't trust him to keep your son safe.

Put your energies into an exit plan, not a gotcha strategy.

DomPom47 · 29/05/2021 12:23

You clearly don’t trust him and so shouldn’t be with him. I would never stay with someone that I did not trust especially if a child was involved.

FortunesFave · 29/05/2021 12:25

I just cannot imagine ever doubting my husband like this...it's not good OP. Either you're anxious and unreasonable or he's not a fit father.

OverByYer · 29/05/2021 12:26

Sorry? An adult playing Pokemon?! Wtf?

sunlight81 · 29/05/2021 12:29

Deffo not truthful. U mentioned a main road and weird injuries to the back of the head with passerby's coming over and suggesting a doc visit ... any chance he got run over or something more major?

viques · 29/05/2021 12:34

@Crepescular

Why are you with such a man-child? Going to the park to 'hunt' Pokemon? Jesus!

And, in the meantime, your child gets hurt...

This a thousand times.

Wombatstew · 29/05/2021 12:44

If only the ‘witness’ was a mumsnetter.

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