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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child's friends parents doing drugs...

66 replies

MrsMeanwhile · 28/05/2021 10:12

I recently found out my daughter (who is 11) has a friend whose parents had a party where they were doing drugs such as coke. They are quite "well to do" and seem to be raising their kids with good values etc. I suspect they would never do it if their children had friends over for a sleepover etc but I can't know for sure and I can't ask them about it as was told in confidence. But it has made me worry. AIBU to not allow my daughter over there any more?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 28/05/2021 10:14

How do you know this?

GoesBananas · 28/05/2021 10:22

Mutual friend popped over during party to collect dog

vodkaredbullgirl · 28/05/2021 10:25

How would you know they were doing drugs?

LindaEllen · 28/05/2021 10:29

I think many people may have tried coke at a party, but that doesn't mean they're junkies, or that they would ever take drugs in the presence of their/other people's children.

GoesBananas · 28/05/2021 10:31

They are not junkies!

murbblurb · 28/05/2021 10:32

No, they just pay for county lines, knife crime, cuckooing and gang violence and are therefore selfish scum.

GoesBananas · 28/05/2021 10:32

But would you happily let your child there?

GoesBananas · 28/05/2021 10:33

@murbblurb I hadn't thought of this. Very good point!!

eandz13 · 28/05/2021 10:35

Were the children there? Are they decent people?
If no children were present and they're good people, I wouldn't give two shits what they were doing with their free time and wouldn't let it affect anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

GoesBananas · 28/05/2021 10:37

Their children were there but in bed presumably

GoesBananas · 28/05/2021 10:37

What if your child was staying over and somehow witnessed it?

eandz13 · 28/05/2021 10:38

@GoesBananas well... were they? I mean on the off chance that someone got coked up on the night they'd arranged a sleep over for their children, then no, I probably wouldn't let them sleep over again.

YouShouldLeave · 28/05/2021 10:44

@eandz13

Were the children there? Are they decent people? If no children were present and they're good people, I wouldn't give two shits what they were doing with their free time and wouldn't let it affect anything 🤷🏻‍♀️
Good people don’t have a coke habit though.
eandz13 · 28/05/2021 10:44

@YouShouldLeave
🤦🏻‍♀️

UKnowHowUsCatholicGirlsCanBe · 28/05/2021 10:45

Coke use is rife.
People you wouldn't think either. Once you can see what someone on coke looks like it's easy to spot everywhere.

I've been someone who turned a blind eye to coke use in the past.
I was very close to a couple where the husband was a coke addict. They would limit themselves to weekend usage. It meant they would be tetchy, on edge, looking for an argument to have an excuse to use on a Friday night.
There were kids involved.
Saturdays after a session would be a write off. The would be too hungover to function.

You'll get people saying it isn't a big deal, people drink more and it's the same blah blah blah.

In my opinion it shows a gross lack of judgement and boundaries to take illegal drugs at all let alone while in charge of children.
They are getting them from a dealer who is probably exploiting other children to move the drugs around.let alone what happens down chain.

Taking coke is not a victimless past time.

I think you are right to be wary of your child going to their home.

They aren't safeguarding their own children - they certainly aren't going to safeguard yours.

I cut all ties to the family I knew. There were other issues that snapped me out of the gaslighting and made me really look at the whole situation.

Feelingbad2 · 28/05/2021 10:45

I wouldn’t be letting my child over there without me

LakeShoreD · 28/05/2021 10:50

You sound quite naive as casual drug use like this is very common in some circles. Neither DH and I are interested but I probably know more people that would take coke at parties than wouldn’t. If their kids were in bed upstairs whilst they were having this party then that’s very irresponsible of them and I would say no to any future sleepovers. If no children were in the house at the time then I wouldn’t be at all concerned about my children going there.

Bigtruth · 28/05/2021 10:50

When we were between about 10 and 14 I had a friend who's parents would occasionally do drugs, the whole "plate of cocaine" thing and plenty of weed, perhaps other stuff like MDMA looking back but I'd not have been aware of that at the time (late 80s early 90s).

I'm saying this because we just didn't care, it made no difference to us what the parents were doing and obviously we weren't interested in or allowed to take cocaine.

Of all the drugs, I'm a bit of a hater on coke, it's pretty immoral with how it's produced etc and most people turn onto dicks on it, but this situation you describe wouldn't worry me at all. In fact I believe it's good for children to be properly educated around drugs and drug use.

Basically your child is more likely to start using drugs due to friends pulling her in that direction (not quite yet hopefully) than seeing them being used by adults which immediately makes them uncool.

Relax about it, if you feel the need then talk to the parents to hopefully put your mind at rest.

Ponoka7 · 28/05/2021 10:51

"Are they decent people"

I used to do drugs, didn't take on board that it was funding terrorism, the same people at the top ran people trafficking and child sexual abuse rings etc. The recent county lines smash has rescued over 500 children and another 600 vulnerable people. These gangs are often the reason why people with LD's/ disabilities can't live in the community.

We know have better knowledge of what drugs cause and fund, behind the scenes. Doing Coke is completely different than buying alcohol, or weed from a home grower.
No one doing Coke can be called decent.

MrsMeanwhile · 28/05/2021 10:56

@UKnowHowUsCatholicGirlsCanBe thanks this is really useful

OP posts:
MrsMeanwhile · 28/05/2021 10:56

@LakeShoreD I am naïve so really useful to have these comments

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 28/05/2021 10:56

Having said what I did, drug use is so rife were we live, it would be difficult to not mix and have children mix with people who do drugs.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/05/2021 11:00

Name change fail @GoesBananas @MrsMeanwhile

I'm sure they think they get their drugs from a high class of criminal and it's all just jolly good fun. But if a friend popped over to collect a dog and it was clear they were all high on coke, they're not even discreet

MaryTheMiddle · 28/05/2021 11:02

I agree it's totally immoral to fund terrorism and drugs cartels...but, (and before anyone jumps up and down, i know you can't compare the two directly), so do lots of things.

Would I do coke? No, I really wouldn't. But it's more common than you'd think.

I definitely wouldn't like people doing it when they have kids nearby or in their care. But I have single, childless friends who I'd let watch my kids, although I know they dabble with coke occasionally, on nights out etc.

So I don't think it's a straightforward thing. I think maybe not knowing someone well, but still knowing they do coke, even occasionally, it is a bit off-putting. If that's one of the only things you know about them iyswim.

TuesdayRuby · 28/05/2021 11:02

How did you find about about the drug use? Unless it’s being done blatantly in front of your child, or your child is under their care when they’re doing it, I don’t think what they do in their private life is any of your business tbh.

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