Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Child's friends parents doing drugs...

66 replies

MrsMeanwhile · 28/05/2021 10:12

I recently found out my daughter (who is 11) has a friend whose parents had a party where they were doing drugs such as coke. They are quite "well to do" and seem to be raising their kids with good values etc. I suspect they would never do it if their children had friends over for a sleepover etc but I can't know for sure and I can't ask them about it as was told in confidence. But it has made me worry. AIBU to not allow my daughter over there any more?

OP posts:

BlusteryLake · 28/05/2021 14:22

I would not want my child associating with them. Recreational drug use is a scourge on society for all the reasons PP have mentioned, and I most definitely judge people who do it. So it would be a no from me.

Original poster

MrsMeanwhile · 28/05/2021 16:03

Thanks everyone. Lots to think about. I'm finding myself agrees with those against it. I would not have associated with coke users as a young adult and so I guess it's inevitable I would be against it now. Seems a whole level above weed somehow. And where on earth do they source it from?! And yes have they considered the journey it's been on and the human affect. I agree about avocados etc but drugs are illegal for many reasons.

OP posts:

GoldenLabbie · 28/05/2021 16:29

Threads like this are always very interesting, and it makes me realise that mumsnet is full of cokeheads. You can just tell by the way some posters immediately minimise its use and brush it off with ‘ lots of people do it’. I wonder if they’d be so tolerant of about shooting up heroin or smoking meth, because It’s really not all that different.

I really couldn’t care less what people do in the privacy of their own homes, but Coke makes people act like twats. I wouldn’t want to be in the company of Coke head and I’d very harshly judge someone who did it in the care of their kids, very much in the same way I’d judge someone who gets blind drunk in the care of their kids because it massively imparts their judgement.

MaryTheMiddle · 28/05/2021 16:30

Buying coke is sadly all too easy these days! Pretty much anyone can do it. You probably know people who do or have done it, especially if you went to university or lived in a big city at any point.

I don't do it and I don't like the thought of people doing it, but it's sadly common.

WelcometoJam · 28/05/2021 16:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

2bazookas · 28/05/2021 16:37

I would not let DD go for sleepovers at their house.

newnortherner111 · 28/05/2021 16:56

You have a friend whose parents are criminals and indirectly are racists. Who could be driving whilst under the influence of drugs.

Don't have your daughter visit, and do tell the parents why. Perhaps make the school aware given there is a risk that the daughter may be accidentally exposed to a drug left on a surface in the house.

Or go to the police.

Original poster

MrsMeanwhile · 29/05/2021 16:39

@Devlesko

OP, I know lot's of people who take coke at parties, for us it's the creative indudtry people, Musicians and Entertainers. However, I've heard of doctors taking it to keep going for long shifts. I've never known any of them develop a habit and they aren't with their children when they take it either. It's not ideal and I don't do it as I know I'd become addicted, but plenty people take it at parties.

This is terrifying!!! Please report the doctors. And as for the "creative types" roll eyes I guess they are not hurting anyone apart from the poor overstretched doctors / NHS / children caught up in drug trafficking etc. I bet they are all humanists too lol.

OP posts:

L0V315 · 29/05/2021 18:00

Bigtruth are you a coke user? Because it seems that I have hit a nerve

a8mint · 29/05/2021 19:14

They are taking drugs and allowing othersti take drugs, whilst their own dc are in the house? And you need to ask?
And don't for a minute think their kids wont grow up thinking it's normal.

Devlesko · 29/05/2021 20:48

There was a big article in Cosmo in the 80's about it, it's nothing new.
Middle class parties with coke and the parents all took their kids for the weekend with nannies.
It was Lawyers, Doctors, financiers, etc.
It really is nothing new at all.
Oh, and doctors are also known to take opiates.
I'm not saying people should turn a blind eye if they don't want to, but you can hardly say its rare.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/05/2021 23:57

@a8mint

They are taking drugs and allowing othersti take drugs, whilst their own dc are in the house? And you need to ask? And don't for a minute think their kids wont grow up thinking it's normal.

Child of a drug user here, I absolutely did not grow up thinking it was normal, I found it terrifying. I do not do drugs myself.

Embracingthechaos · 30/05/2021 03:14

I used to take a lot it drugs, including coke. Once my DH and I started thinking about children it all completely stopped. We didn't even have a conversation about it. It was just assumed that neither of us was going to be doing that anymore, or associating with those people, because it seemed an obvious element of parenthood that you don't do drugs.

Personally I'm not as black and white about it as I could be - if you'd told me that they went on adult only week away somewhere abroad and did a bit, I would be saying that it's not as big a concern as there was no reasonable expectation that the children would ever know anything about that, and if there was some kind of emergency that meant they suddenly had to drop everything and come home, the stuff would probably be out of their system by the time they got back. I still wouldn't do it under those circumstances, but I can sort of see how someone might.

But doing it at a party in their own house whilst the kids are in bed sounds quite concerning. That makes it seem they like they do this quite a lot. It's difficult to argue for trusting a parent who is a regular coke user. I would feel very uncomfortable about it.

BigHeadBertha · 30/05/2021 03:41

A serious question about the friend's parents' suitability has been raised, at the very least- and it doesn't seem likely you'll be able to get any further info. about it.

So why not just go with "safe is better than sorry." Let that friend come to your house instead and have an excuse ready if your daughter is invited to the friend's house. Kid's friendships often change over time anyway, so for the long term it might just resolve itself anyway.

JemimaJoy · 30/05/2021 04:23

When I was 15 or so, I went to a party of my friends parents (friend also allowed to invite friends). Host of the party was a teacher, her husband also had a very respectable, middle class job. Guests were all very nice, usually totally normal, professional, and respectful people - lawyers, doctors, business owners etc. All doing coke. I was so surprised! Usually I wouldn't be able to tell you anyone's job at that age, wouldn't have cared, but this always sticks in my mind as I found it really funny at the time that such normal people were taking coke. Since then, I've come across this many times in my life. In fact, the vast majority of people I've ever seen doing coke are normally very middle class and professional types. Should add, from what I've seen, people taking coke occasionally at parties are usually far more in control and more sort of... In their senses, than drunk people. Just a bit louder, chattier, and funnier than usual.

a8mint · 30/05/2021 22:27

'Should add, from what I've seen, people taking coke occasionally at parties are usually far more in control and more sort of... In their senses,
than drunk people'..

It isn't either or

Flip

1 2 3