Child's friends parents doing drugs...

[MrsMeanwhile]

I recently found out my daughter (who is 11) has a friend whose parents had a party where they were doing drugs such as coke. They are quite "well to do" and seem to be raising their kids with good values etc. I suspect they would never do it if their children had friends over for a sleepover etc but I can't know for sure and I can't ask them about it as was told in confidence. But it has made me worry. AIBU to not allow my daughter over there any more?

Lots of legal things I should say. Wasn't there a lot in the press about avocados for example?

Anyone that does coke has blood on their hands, I would not be happy with my dc spending time in a home where people think that coke is fine. I would question their morals and judgment.

Lots and lots of people are doing drugs, often those of who you would not suspect it at all. But the fact that SS might be interested if they knew parents did coke whilst children are upstairs sleeping says enough doesn’t it? It’s officially a safe guarding issue and my DC wouldn’t be going there for any future sleepovers.

@SleepingStandingUp I know fail!! I thought if I changed it it would change it on all my posts! So I've changed it back. Mumsnet fail!

I come from a “middle class” family with a mother and step father who did cocaine.

It does impact the children.

Lots of adults knew but did fuck all.

I’m NC with them and the adults that knew and stood by.

I’m not telling people what to do in their free time but I’m young enough and grew up in a rough area where county lines drug dealing was a huge problem.
You wouldn’t believe some of the things they do to children and some of the things that have happened to people from my school. Girls being gang raped, children forced to carry drugs inside them, being kidnapped and tortured for losing drug packages, children being sent to ‘country’ to sell drugs living with actual crack heads and getting stuck with hiv needles.
It’s not a bit of harmless fun people are fuelling serious crimes and funding gangs both here and abroad. A lot of people do take it and it shouldn’t be normalised. The more normalised it is the higher the demand and the more children needed to run drugs.
But this is mumsnet you’ll be crucified more for smoking cigarettes than doing coke.

I wouldn't let my kids go there.

Really interesting comments thanks. Heartbreaking too!

@BruisedPear

I’m not telling people what to do in their free time but I’m young enough and grew up in a rough area where county lines drug dealing was a huge problem. You wouldn’t believe some of the things they do to children and some of the things that have happened to people from my school. Girls being gang raped, children forced to carry drugs inside them, being kidnapped and tortured for losing drug packages, children being sent to ‘country’ to sell drugs living with actual crack heads and getting stuck with hiv needles. It’s not a bit of harmless fun people are fuelling serious crimes and funding gangs both here and abroad. A lot of people do take it and it shouldn’t be normalised. The more normalised it is the higher the demand and the more children needed to run drugs. But this is mumsnet you’ll be crucified more for smoking cigarettes than doing coke.

Yes, I've heard stories like this. Fecking grim and one of the main reasons I wouldn't do coke. That and heart health! I have doctors in my family and they always said that if someone too young to normally be a heart attack risk came in with a heart attack, the first thing they thought was, have they been doing coke.

But re normalising; it's ready extremely common among many groups, from naice middle class, middle aged couples, to high flying professionals, to students. It's very difficult to un-normalise it now the genie's out of the bottle. It's a boring idea, but I personally think more awareness and education around it, not by the PE teacher at school, but from people who really know about the subject, plus support for substance abusers who are addicted (arguably any regular user), is the way to stop this escalating.

The extremes of "legalise it" or "crucify those bloody druggies", (which you always get on MN btw...it isn't the free wheeling, drugs haven you seem to think it is), never work. There isn't enough support in the general population for legalisation. It won't happen any time soon. Re the latter, most people sound unhinged when they take that line of thinking, even if it makes perfect sense to feel irate at the increasing level of drugs use in this country and globally.

I work with victims of county lines so can echo others' comments on that. Do you know for a fact that their children were asleep upstairs? That is very irresponsible!

It’s a sad state of affairs but I have to agree it’s way more common than I once thought.

One specific group of friends I know probably use cocaine at home whilst the kids are in bed after a few drinks on a weekly basis. Sometimes twice a week in they’ve had a few drinks after work. It absolutely baffes me, they all think they’re in control of their habit but they aren’t at all.

If they can take drugs while there own children are home then am pretty sure they could do it if child's friend was there too.

I'm always torn on these threads, as the child of a dad who took drugs. You of course want to protect your child, but if no parents let their children go over then this poor girl will be punished through no fault of her own. There were people who didn't want their children playing with me and it hurts as a child.

Coke wouldn't bother me to be honest. I'd be more concerned that they were out their faces pissed, coke tends to sober you up. Of course I wouldn't want them doing that around my child but if she was tucked up safe in bed, meh, and it wouldn't be a blanket ban on her going to their house.

@murbblurb

No, they just pay for county lines, knife crime, cuckooing and gang violence and are therefore selfish scum.

I think that the people to blame for that are the successive governments who have refused to enact evidence based drugs policies, not individuals who prefer not to keep their use of recreational drugs restricted to alcohol only.

Can you invite the girl over to yours instead, just so she doesn't end up isolated?

@L0V315

Anyone that does coke has blood on their hands, I would not be happy with my dc spending time in a home where people think that coke is fine. I would question their morals and judgment.

Anyone who wears clothing made in Cambodia or China has blood on their hands. Anyone using this website on a smartphone has blood on their hands.

I'm not a drug use apologist, I've seen the harm some drugs do first hand.
But we're a society built on the detriment and suffering of others, historically and currently.

To single someone out because they use something where the local harm only exists because of weak governance and Illogical laws is unfair.

We are pretty much all complicit in the suffering that goes on so that we can enjoy our lifestyles and the suffering that will haunt our grandchildren. Let's not get all moralistic on cocaine, it's hypocritical.

If you know it’s definitely true and not made up, then YANBU.

I think parents who take cocaine are the absolute worst- shockingly irresponsible, dangerous and a bad example.

It’s a real shame for the children of the couple, but I wouldn’t encourage the friendship.

No child of mine would be mixing with a family like that. And I’d be telling the parents why, and informing social services.

@VestaTilley

If you know it’s definitely true and not made up, then YANBU.

I think parents who take cocaine are the absolute worst- shockingly irresponsible, dangerous and a bad example.

It’s a real shame for the children of the couple, but I wouldn’t encourage the friendship.

No child of mine would be mixing with a family like that. And I’d be telling the parents why, and informing social services.

See, this is what I think is wrong. Punishing a child for the parents actions. Fair enough not letting the child go round to their house but discouraging the friendship because of it is awful.

@Sweettea1

If they can take drugs while there own children are home then am pretty sure they could do it if child's friend was there too.

Yes this is what I think too

I wouldn’t let my child spend any time without me at a house where the parents would take coke while their kids were there.

If the parents had a sneaky puff on a joint in the garden after dark, I'd not let it bother me. Doing lines of coke around kids is another level. I'd not be happy with my kids going to the parties

I wouldn’t be letting my child stay there. If you do Coke you’re part of the wider societal problems that go with it afaic.

To the posters who believe our lifestyles cause harm and wearing clothes from China equates blood on their hands. Doing Coke is not a lifestyle it’s an illegal drug the evidence is there to show how children are harmed in the production and supply of these drugs on your very own doorstep.

I hope you keep the same energy in regards to prostitution, woman’s rights and underage girls on pornhub all of these things exploit women and girls to fulfil someones selfish desires should we be accepting of it? Should we not be moralistic on child porn or sexual assault porn on pornhub? Because we know they’re illegal and we know people are harmed in production but that shouldn’t mean men should be limited to what the law has deemed legal surely?

Also it’s not the government’s job to introduce policies stop people doing Coke it’s already illegal, if there was no demand there would be no supply. Tightening of laws and drug reduction programs is exactly why they use children as they can’t be charged with anything.

People can do the all the mental gymnastics and what iffery they like but Coke is illegal for a reason. I hope it’s not your child in your naice neighbourhoods that are harassed, abused or forced into running drugs for your friendly neighbourhood Coke dealer.

OP, I know lot's of people who take coke at parties, for us it's the creative indudtry people, Musicians and Entertainers. However, I've heard of doctors taking it to keep going for long shifts.
I've never known any of them develop a habit and they aren't with their children when they take it either.
It's not ideal and I don't do it as I know I'd become addicted, but plenty people take it at parties.