How much would should 10 and 12 year olds do around the house?

[BradfordBrontesaurus]

First time poster so apologies if I get stuff wrong! DSC (12 and 10) are with us half of the week. I've never wanted to set them chores because my mum didn't for me. She said my only job was to do my school work, musical instrument, and sports to the best of my ability. Having said that, I remember coming home from school in year 7 and putting on a wash that included my school uniform and also doing the dishes sometimes, clearing up the plates from the dinner table etc. DSC don't do anything. They leave dirty dishes wherever they happened to be eating, they don't bring dirty clothes out from their rooms, they walk past their washed and dried clothing placed in the hall for them to take up. We do ask them to take care of these things and they will do so in the immediate moment but then don't do these things again until they get asked again... and again.... My question is: AIBU to expect children of these ages to do these things such as bringing dirty dishes to the sink, bring washing into the laundry etc. We wouldn't ask them to clean up after us or bring our plates through, just their own things.

I have a 10,12 and 14 years olds

They have to put thier dirty clothes in the laundry basket, sometimes I ask them o put away clean clothes,
They occasionally cook/help cook dinner for everyone (maybe once a month), get thier own breakfast mostly unless I’m doing something cooked fro everyone on a weekend, older ones get thier own lunch unless I’m doing it for everyone.
They take it in turns to lay the table for dinner and everyone helps clear it afterwards.
If they have used a cup/plate etc they are expected to take it into the kitchen when finished (not straight away but when they are going that way). Expected to put rubbish in bin/tidy up stuff they have been using etc.

Just basic stuff really. I agree kids shouldn’t be poor Cinderella’s scrubbing the floors until midnight but general tidying after themselves and some contribution to family life is just basic skills. They need to start learning stuff like this and then building on that so when they leave home they can look after themselves and run a house

Bloody hell. My 3 year old loads the washer, can transfer to the dryer, load the dishwasher and empty it etc. I don't make him, he's 3 but if I ask him he normally does.

Of course children should contribute to the household. Cleaning up their own shit is the minimum. Most household tasks these days are quick in isolation, allocating a couple is hardly taking up their entire free time and ruining their lives.

It's not so much that young kids should be taught they need to do 'chores' (which sounds like a horrible, tedious word anyway) per se, but certain things like taking dirty dishes to the sink, putting dirty laundry into a basket, or offering to help mum/dad should be taught like manners, in the same way every parent teaches their kids to say please and thank you.

Then when they're older you build on that and teach kids to do other stuff like hoovering or whatever, in a way that makes them realise why these things are necessary to do rather than nagging them. That way they're likely to help of their own accord. They should eventually recognise that mum/dad are busy humans too and that everyone should pull their weight as a team, cleaning the house is not just boring 'naggy mum stuff' but what one does in life, like having a daily shower. Works both ways too- if as teens they were busy studying for exams then I'd not expect them to do as many household things as normal, if anything.

Don’t allow it to be your role to think of, and assign basic life skills to these kids, they’re there to have contact with their father, he needs to be teaching them how to function. Is he pondering it too, or leaving it to you? Opt out, not your problem unless you choose it to be.

@Wearywithteens. You’re overthinking how long these tasks take:

Replace a towel with a clean one from the basket:10 seconds
Ditto loo tools
Refill hand soaps- maybe a minute a piece
Empty kitchen bin two minutes to take the bag outside and walk back in.
Empty dishwasher: five minutes a day.
Clean shower: maybe 15 mins once a week

I doubt DS spends much more than an hour a week helping out.

The dog is the children’s pet. They lobbied to get a dog, neither DH nor I wanted one. So we agreed that everyone would take some responsibility for him- DH and I do walks: DD feeds him and tops up his water daily; DS walks around the lawn once a week picking up any poo. It takes him about three minutes.

If spending an hour a week helping out is slavery, you have a very strange perception of what slavery is.

• loo rolls