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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this comment upsetting?

65 replies

devilboughtmysoul · 27/05/2021 22:13

Went out to celebrate friends birthday. I feel pretty horrendous about my appearance at the moment and no clothes fit me. I didn’t want to go but didn’t want to let friend down so forced myself and tried to look as best as I could.

When I arrived and she saw me the first thing she said was - oh you didn’t dress up.

I mean my confidence was at 1 and after that comment it was at 0 tbh.

Maybe because I was so conscious it hurt me more but friend is slim and and always has been so never understood the fear of having nothing to wear on a night out and feeling uncomfortable in everything.

OP posts:
baubled · 27/05/2021 22:15

Was it just you two? Maybe she felt daft for being dressed up when you hadn't, could it be about how she felt rather than a negative towards you?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 27/05/2021 22:15

I can understand why you may have been upset. However, were you dressed appropriately for the venue? If you were in a Kappa tracksuit at an upmarket bar then she may have a point.

RolloTomassi · 27/05/2021 22:17

For it to be the first thing she said, you probably looked very casual for the venue? Agree with PP that it was probably more that she felt over-dressed by comparison.

wildeverose · 27/05/2021 22:18

I agree she probably felt self conscious being over dressed in comparison - where was the venue?

CoronaBanana · 27/05/2021 22:19

Where was it and what were you wearing? What was she wearing?

Original poster
devilboughtmysoul · 27/05/2021 22:23

It wasn’t just the two of us. I had jeans on, heels and a nice top (typical outfit). It was just Slug and Lettuce.

I don’t know - I just wouldn’t dream of commenting on a persons outfit negatively when at that point there’s nothing they can do to change it.

OP posts:
Original poster
devilboughtmysoul · 27/05/2021 22:24

She was wearing a dress and heels as were the other two women with us.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/05/2021 22:24

It wasn’t a nice comment for her to make and she shouldn’t have said it.

Maybe because I was so conscious it hurt me more but friend is slim and and always has been so never understood the fear of having nothing to wear on a night out and feeling uncomfortable in everything

You can’t know that. Plenty of slim women still have no confidence in their appearance and feel like this.

LentilShanklet · 27/05/2021 22:26

I feel like this friend is not a nice person. I couldn't imagine commenting on a friend's choice of clothes, after they had bothered to come and celebrate with me, especially in front of two other people!

Original poster
devilboughtmysoul · 27/05/2021 22:27

@PurpleDaisies

It wasn’t a nice comment for her to make and she shouldn’t have said it.

Maybe because I was so conscious it hurt me more but friend is slim and and always has been so never understood the fear of having nothing to wear on a night out and feeling uncomfortable in everything

You can’t know that. Plenty of slim women still have no confidence in their appearance and feel like this.

I didn’t mean all slim women. She’s been out with her stomach on show and short dresses multiple times I’ve been with her. I don’t think she has issues that she would feel too disgusting to go out on public.
OP posts:
Piemam · 27/05/2021 22:27

These comments are well off! @devilboughtmysoul, it was a shitty comment from your friend and you can dress in whatever you like, what she is wearing makes no difference. Hope you feel more confident next time.

Original poster
devilboughtmysoul · 27/05/2021 22:28

@Piemam

These comments are well off! *@devilboughtmysoul*, it was a shitty comment from your friend and you can dress in whatever you like, what she is wearing makes no difference. Hope you feel more confident next time.
Thank you, definitely need to work on myself and I’m trying Smile
OP posts:
CassandraTrotter · 27/05/2021 22:30

If that was the first thing she said, your outfit probably made her feel overdressed..

CoronaBanana · 27/05/2021 22:32

Oh well if you had a nice top on and heels, I don't see her problem.
Ignore her she's probably trying to make herself feel better. I agree that just because a person is slim doesn't mean they are confident about themselves.

I hope you had a nice time anyway Thanks

Original poster
devilboughtmysoul · 27/05/2021 22:34

@CassandraTrotter

If that was the first thing she said, your outfit probably made her feel overdressed..
How do of the other two with us were dressed similar to her?
OP posts:
baubled · 27/05/2021 22:35

Does she have form for being mean?

kowari · 27/05/2021 22:36

It wasn’t just the two of us. I had jeans on, heels and a nice top (typical outfit). It was just Slug and Lettuce.
I'd wear the same except with clean white trainers or boots as I don't wear heels. I'm sure most men would wear jeans and a button up shirt in the same circumstances. I own one dress that I wore to a party Christmas 2019!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/05/2021 22:43

No one has got any “point” or business passing rude comments on what people are wearing. I think you need to re-evaluate this
“friendship” To be honest. It sounds like you were dressed nice casual comfortable relaxed and very put together
I’m the sort of person that gets glammed up like I’m going on night out to go the supermarket. I'll hold my hands up, it is what it is. However if people wanted to turn up to wedding in a tracksuit and trainers that’s their business and prerogative.
I dont give a shiny shite. I’m not wearing it.

RandomUsernameHere · 27/05/2021 22:45

It doesn't sound like you were under-dressed at all! Ignore her

firsttimeoptimist · 27/05/2021 22:48

I am slim. I have a large wardrobe full of clothes and i assure you that there are days when i feel absolutely crap and feel like I ⁰have nothing to wear. I think your friends comment was, as others have said simply about being insecure that they were overdressed. You assume she is judging you whilst you are judging her (reading into what she said /assuming she could not feel overdressed/insecure)!

intheenddoesitreallymatter · 27/05/2021 22:53

You sound perfect, they sound like they're in their teens ready for a night on the town! I wouldn't wear a dress and heels, I would wear jeans and a top like you.

I think this says more about her than you. She was probably jealous. Most likely because she felt she had to really 'dress up' (which probably stems from insecurity) but you felt confident enough to wear what you like (in comparison to her dressy, dressy style).

Open your eyes to this kind of talk from her, if it is repeated then I would distance myself. She's a rude person. There is nothing wrong with you.

PurpleDaisies · 27/05/2021 22:54

She was probably jealous.

Why is everyone always jealous? No one is ever thoughtless or mean. They’re always jealous on here.

ElderMillennial · 27/05/2021 22:54

My initial reaction was that it was a rude comment

Freecuthbert · 27/05/2021 22:54

Your outfit sounds appropriate for the venue. I feel the same as you at the moment in terms of confidence. I was pregnant during lockdown and piled on the weight, after giving birth nothing fits me and my tummy is flabby, plus I don't have the time or energy at the moment to try and look nice. I would feel a bit hurt by her comment too, especially as it's the first thing she said. She should have been happy to see you there! It may well have been she felt overdressed in comparison, but so what, you surely don't say that to a friend. I would forgive and forget though for sure as in the grand scheme of things it is small, unless she has form for doing this!

CherryPieface · 27/05/2021 23:01

Your outfit sounds great and I’m so sorry that she said that to you! She doesn’t sound very nice OP. Please don’t feel bad, I hope you can forget it and get your confidence back.

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