To find this comment upsetting?

[devilboughtmysoul]

Went out to celebrate friends birthday. I feel pretty horrendous about my appearance at the moment and no clothes fit me. I didn’t want to go but didn’t want to let friend down so forced myself and tried to look as best as I could.

When I arrived and she saw me the first thing she said was - oh you didn’t dress up.

I mean my confidence was at 1 and after that comment it was at 0 tbh.

Maybe because I was so conscious it hurt me more but friend is slim and and always has been so never understood the fear of having nothing to wear on a night out and feeling uncomfortable in everything.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider neither have I!

@intheenddoesitreallymatter

You sound perfect, they sound like they're in their teens ready for a night on the town! I wouldn't wear a dress and heels, I would wear jeans and a top like you.

I think this says more about her than you. She was probably jealous. Most likely because she felt she had to really 'dress up' (which probably stems from insecurity) but you felt confident enough to wear what you like (in comparison to her dressy, dressy style).

Open your eyes to this kind of talk from her, if it is repeated then I would distance myself. She's a rude person. There is nothing wrong with you.

Jealous?

Aye right

@Awwlookatmybabyspider @Freecuthbert You've not missed much, it's maybe like a slightly posher Wetherspoons. It's nice enough though.

It wasn't the most tactful comment, but it's not an insult. I think your reaction to it is more about your self esteem than anything else.

Jeans, even with a nice top and heels, isn't very dressy, it's not slobbing it, but it's not (often, at least) particularly glamourous. On the other hand, Slug and Lettuce isn't what I would think of as a place to get very dressed up for. There will be a difference in how the two of you think about dressing up - she probably sees it as great fun and any excuse is a good one. Where as you find it torture. So her disappointment will probably be a bit of wanting her desire to dress up validated even though it was just the Slug and Lettuce, and maybe a bit of disappointment that you are a chasm away from her in seeing it as a good thing. Try not to take it to heart. It isn't about you, it's just a clash of expectations.

What you wore sounds perfect.

I am sorry you are feeling low and I am sorry your friend said something rude and thoughtless.

I hope you can get over it and move on and feel better about yourself. And I hope your friend doesn't put her foot in it again with someone else.

Thank god I'm not young and trendy

‘You haven’t dressed up’ is not code for ‘you look like shit’. Also - you don’t need to feel crappy for having put on weight - it doesn’t automatically mean you can’t look fabulous on a night out (or any other time). You possibly just need some new clothes that are flattering for your new figure.

Surprised at some of these comments, immediately hurling abuse at the friend. As they were wearing dresses and heels ans making an occasion if it, getting dressed up, it was probably just a throwaway comment, she wasn’t to know the op feels bad about herself right now.

Unless she’s a history of being horrible then I’d say this is more about yout feelings about yourself than her being horrible.

Rude/unkind comment. Ignore! If that kind of thing was not just a one off with her, be wary of her as a friend.

Heels with jeans IS dressed up for quite a lot of people. I'd have replied 'this is as dressed up as I get unless it's a wedding`. She's either a thoughtless twat or just was a spur of the moment' off' comment. If the latter, and she's a good friend, maybe tell her how you're feeling at the moment and get her support in changing things.

I can’t stand this kind of uniform expectation to be honest. Does everyone have to wear a dress? Jeans, nice top and heels is fine. You need to speak up for yourself, OP. I’d have said that I didn’t know only dresses could be worn. Don’t worry - I’ll go home and change. And I wouldn’t have gone back.
OP, friends like that are not friends. My friends know that some of us wear dresses, short ones. Others dress with lengths down to the floor. Others wear jeans. Some wear heels, some wear flats. That’s how it is - we don’t make comments like that. Neither do we parent competitively either. We support each other over feeding etc. One of my friends bollocked her midwife over saying to her DD about how great it was that she was feeding the right way because she was concerned her DD would say something to me or others who were bottle feeding. No one has been smug and made others feel bad. I’d get shot of anyone like that pretty quick because that’s not the definition of a friend.

You need nicer friends. I wouldn't dream of commenting negatively on a friend's appearance because I love my friends and want them to feel happy about themselves.

I agree with all the PPs who say you need new friends. The current ones seem shallow as puddles.
None of my friends would give a shit about what I was wearing, let alone comment on it! We meet to have fun and chat, not assess “outfits” like fashion victims at a gormless catwalk.
Stand tall, OP. Your clothes are the least important thing about you.

@Bluntness100

Surprised at some of these comments, immediately hurling abuse at the friend. As they were wearing dresses and heels ans making an occasion if it, getting dressed up, it was probably just a throwaway comment, she wasn’t to know the op feels bad about herself right now.

Unless she’s a history of being horrible then I’d say this is more about yout feelings about yourself than her being horrible.

Agree with this, don't understand why in their need to show how kind they are towards an OP, posters are so quick to be derogatory towards the other person who is always jealous, insecure etc etc.

What a bitch. I'm sure you looked fabulous and she was probably jealous and wanted to knock your confidence.