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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoyed at MIL for sharing our early pregnancy news

84 replies

pearlsandpetals · 27/05/2021 16:56

Hi all, I'm currently ten weeks pregnant and we have only told close family members (parents and grandparents) because we want to wait for the 12 week scan. We asked when we shared out news that they would keep it quiet for the meantime as we wanted to make sure everything is okay and everyone promised they would do so. However in the last day or two I've had several messages on FB from people congratulating us and I am really quite annoyed. It's definitely the MIL who has spilled the beans as there is no one else we've told who is in regular contact with these people. I understand she is so excited but I am annoyed at her for not respecting our wishes. I am worried that she has told more people and that it might make its way onto Facebook. I have sent her a very polite message just asking not to mention the news to more people but I feel awful about doing that as I understand she is probably just excited. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

CoffeeCakey · 27/05/2021 23:05

@99victoria

I've never really understood this desire to keep the pregnancy a secret until 12 weeks. If you miscarried at 11 weeks, would you just pretend that nothing had happened or would you want your friends/family to be understanding and supportive? Why do people wait?

Tbh it's not something I ever had a choice in since I was usually puking my guts up at 6 weeks and signed off work. I was in hospital with a drip in my arm at 7 weeks pregnant with my daughter. No hope of keeping my pregnancies quiet!

Because you might choose to end the pregnancy after the scan and not want to face questions.

Elouera · 27/05/2021 23:19

My MIL did something similar with cousins who wanted to tell us in person about the pregnancy as we were meeting the cousins later that day. MIL told us their news instead. Her reason being that she doesn't keep secrets and she can tell anyone anything she wants!!!

I noted her attitude and what she'd said, and vowed to never tell her anything private.  To this day, my MIL doesn't know about my 3 MC's, 2 IVF rounds and our struggles to conceive.

Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 28/05/2021 00:04

Yanbu.Her reaction when you reminded her not to tell anyone shows she knew it was wrong, but she tried to brush it under the carpet. This just means that she has lost the pleasure of being one of the first to hear of all of babies firsts. Don't,get cross about it as that will only affect you not her. Enjoy your good news and congratulations xxx

cakewench · 28/05/2021 00:24

Well now you know, OP. Don’t ever share any news with her that you don’t want the world to know.

I’m sorry

phoenixrosehere · 28/05/2021 08:09

So women should be able to talk about that, get support, and comfort. This ‘stiff upper lip’ culture we have for early miscarriages is so damaging to women.

Where did she even say or suggest that? What if some women don’t want to? Some people are more private than others and it has nothing to do with a stiff upper lip.

littlepattilou · 28/05/2021 20:24

@user1497787065

The only way to keep a secret is not to tell anyone.

This. ^

There are some obtuse and daft comments on here. 'ooooh but I SHOULD be able to tell aunty Fanny-Anne and Nanna FiFi, even though I don't want another SOUL in the world to know.'

It's pure idiocy to tell someone something that is meant to be a SECRET, and then whine and moan that they blabbed it.

Don't want it get out? DON'T TELL ANYONE.

Not rocket science is it?

Brefugee · 28/05/2021 20:31

Tell your MIL that you are not sharing any more news at all with her of a personal nature EVER again. And keep to it.
And let someone else, preferably not your DH, give her the news second hand.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/05/2021 21:07

I'd text her right back
We really trusted you to keep our news to yourselves until we were ready to tell people You ignored that and went ahead and told people anyway who then contacted us. It was our news to tell and "No worries" doesn't cover it. Please do not tell anyone else.

This might sound blunt but after that dismissive reply you need to make it clear that what she did wasn't on, otherwise she will continue to decide that her wishes have priority where you are concerned.
You might get a bit of pushback too, but stand your ground. It will be less painful in the long run. And I wouldn't wait for DH to say so either, although he should back you up.

Holly60 · 28/05/2021 21:16

@pearlsandpetals

Hi all, So when I said that I told her politely, I forgot to mention that I sent her a message. I've just had a reply with no apology just a "yeah no worries" in relation to not telling anyone else. Then a complete change of subject to tell me she is going out this evening. I feel even more annoyed now!!

I’m light of this you would be within your rights not to tell her anything else. She should have made a big fat apology straight away especially as you were so nice

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