Tried posting this just now but it seems to have failed!
DD is 9 during half term and on the bank holiday we are having a garden party for her with a bouncy castle and “magician” animal act. There’s only 3 kids from school coming just in case we have to take the party indoors (though weather is looking promising). I’ve said if it’s sunny then parents and siblings can come along and I’ll do a BBQ.
ExH (who lives 120 miles away and has them EOW) is coming down for the party before taking the kids back to his for a few days. He’s messaged today to say his brother and 11yo niece are also coming down for the party.
I want to say no.
Reasons being:
-
both his brother and his niece are the rudest people I’ve ever met in my life. His brother will have no problem swearing, make racist and sexist jokes and will expect to smoke in my garden or in front of my house. I potentially have DD’s friends parents there and don’t want to be the talk of the playground. Even though ex’s niece is just 11 she is really bad mannered, very sneery and the type who always says things like “This is boring, at MY party we had 2 magicians, this is rubbish” and doesn’t care who hears. I can just see her saying something like “That’s not a good parrot it’s rubbish, I had a parrot that was WAY smarter than that parrot”. You know the type of child! For some reason DD thinks she’s the best thing ever and I can tell when they’ve been together as she copies her behaviour
-
The niece can be quite nasty to DD. One example: they used to play Roblox together on a weekend over FaceTime and I had to put a stop to it as I kept hearing 11yo calling DD an idiot or saying “Why are you so dumb” if DD wasn’t doing the ‘right’ thing in the game. When I popped up and asked her not to say that to DD she’d say things like “Ill do whatever I want, you’re not my mum”
-
I’m really pushing my personal boundaries allowing exH in my house. it’s a house he never lived in and I very much have kept him away because after 12 years of being controlled (to the point nothing in our marital home was to my taste, it was all his) I like my space for me without him giving me his opinions or criticism. To be allowing his horrible family into my house is a step too far. One of the best things about our divorce was shirking off his family. I don’t want misogynistic BIL - who had very strong opinions of what a bitch I apparently was when we divorced last year (after exH cheated on me with a girl literally Half his age) because I didn’t blame myself for not being a good enough wife and immediately take exH back - in the same town as me let alone the same garden.
-
I’ve paid for the party myself including food (tight-fisted exH refused to chip in) and I don’t want the extra faff/expense of getting more food, party bags etc for people I don’t even like.
If I asked DD what she wants, she would 100% want her cousin there. She has actually asked recently if she can make the trip and I’ve said no (but never actually asked). But this child will completely change the dynamic of an otherwise lovely group of friends, and it will spoil my day too having to put up with two pricks (ex and his brother) instead of just tolerating one I kind of have to tolerate because we share children.
Surely COVID is a great excuse to use to say no (though I’d love to say “Tell your brother no he can’t come because he’s a vile prick”)?