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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go away with someone you had been out with twice?

106 replies

WeekendWishes · 27/05/2021 15:06

I’ve been invited to a weekend away, and I’m not sure whether to go or not. I’d love to hear some opinions.

We’ve been on two dates and had a lot of fun together. There’s plenty of chemistry.

I’m hesitant that a weekend can be a long time, what if I or she gets bored (I’m female). We haven’t reached that place of real comfort in each other’s company yet. What if there are awkward moments, especially mornings and evenings when we’re not out doing something?

Pros:
Get to know someone better who might turn out to be great
Have a change of scene for the weekend
Seeing beautiful scenery
Doing something a bit special for the bank holiday
It might be the beginning of a beautiful relationship (which I’m not sure I’m ready for just now)
Making up for Covid lost time and shaking the cobwebs off

Cons:
The expanse
Packing and travelling
No privacy (one shared room)
What if she’s not as nice as I thought she was!
Loosing a weekend where I could have been happily at home and spent that money on some much needed stuff
The embarrassment of having to make my excuses to leave early if necessary (who needs that!)

What would you do? Am I being unreasonable not being sure if I want to go?

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 27/05/2021 19:11

Too soon for me

BrownEyedGirl80 · 27/05/2021 19:12

I went to Spain with dh after 8 weeks. If it feels right then do it.

KatherineJaneway · 27/05/2021 19:12

Just to respond to the person saying that for most people this scenario would turn out to be a nightmare...

So what if it is?

You will never know if you don't give it a go. It could be a nightmare.

Why spend all that money to be in a nightmare? I want to spend my time having fun not sharing a room with someone who snores and farts like a drey horse

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 27/05/2021 19:15

I went away for a bank holiday weekend the weekend after I got together with someone

We had mutual friends & vaguely knew each other but not really..

It worked as we went on our 1st holiday abroad 3 months after we met & I moved 200 miles to his city for work (& him) after 4 months long distance

We married 18 mths later & have been married nearly 18 years now

I knew that he was a keeper when we travelled SO well together & we have continued travelling a lot since then

Go for it OP! I hope you have a wonderful time

Onelifeonly · 27/05/2021 19:16

If you want to, then I'd say do it. What have you got to lose? If it's awful, you can leave. If it is ok but doesn't work out, you don't need to spend any more time on this person. But it may be wonderful.

Is there plenty to do and see in the location. Are you able to chat freely with her?

I've never done what you are planning as such (just the two of you) but often been away with groups of people where I haven't known them that well or at all - not quite as intense of course, but I've really enjoyed the company for a few days.

WonkyCactus · 27/05/2021 19:21

Oh god, no way! Wave her off and then see her again when she gets back.

Skysblue · 27/05/2021 19:23

Not unless there was a specific time limited event, like a festival, that we’d both been wanting to go to, and the partner was female (ie less likely to be a creep). If say it was ‘I’ve always wanted to go to Edinburgh festival hell let’s just go’ I’d be up for it but if it was ‘do you fancy a weekend away somewhere then noooo way that’s weird to put that much pressure on so soon

IntermittentParps · 27/05/2021 19:31

I would go if I could have my own room, but wouldn't share.

passwordnotsecure · 27/05/2021 19:32

no

ChristmasFluff · 27/05/2021 19:47

I invited a bloke to come away with me for a weekend I was booked on, when we'd only known eachother for 2 weeks. It felt so right, and he agreed to come.

Wonderful weekend, best of my life.

He managed to hide the fact he was an abusive shit, used the weekend to completely fish me in, fast-forward me and love-bomb me. I spent the next 6 years being emotionally abused, physically beaten, and stalked.

As a reminder that those this sort of thing work out for are lucky. Over-investment in relationships early on leaves you vulnerable to toxic people, because it leads you mistake intensity for intimacy, and it assists their love-bombing, which causes you to not notice (or explain away) the red flags.

If you really are soul mates, you have the rest of your lives to go away. So why the rush, either way?

Lagomtransplant · 27/05/2021 19:50

I did, but not in the same room. We're about to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary.

MaryTheMiddle · 27/05/2021 19:50

I think a pp put it well when they said it's too much pressure too soon. Re "what's there to lose?" question, I don't think op will have such a terrible time she won't recover or anything, but I do wonder if the timing might be risky for such a new relationship. No risk to the op personally at all, but if she is hopeful about the relationship and doesn't feel the timing is right for a weekend together, then maybe it's a risk to the potential relationship if that makes sense.

Obviously, it could be the making of them too, or neither the making nor the breaking; just a lovely weekend, so maybe worth that risk. It's not something I'd say a definite yes or no to really.

Mileu · 27/05/2021 20:44

@WeekendWishes

As to regards whether it was a good experience...

I had a nice time and did end up in a relationship with the guy for a year after that so it was successful in that sense. Just some awkward moments though because we weren’t familiar with each other- I remember doing an activity and he didn’t get the cues that I was fed up and wanted to go for dinner and wine.
Embarrassingly I’ve just remembered as well we were walking somewhere and I desperately needed the loo for a poo but felt embarrassed to say so and was then desperately trying to cover the sounds of my Delhi belly by running the shower!

partyatthepalace · 27/05/2021 21:03

Oh I’d go for it - life has been so boring. Just be prepared for it to be slightly awkward at times, and maybe discuss in advance re it being ok if you need your own space. Do you have to share a room btw?

And remember your phone charger in case you need to call an Uber (unlikely),

CorianderBee · 27/05/2021 23:28

No because you don't know if she's the conduit for a sex trafficker

WishStarDream · 27/05/2021 23:39

Go for it! Life is short, and we all need a memory bank to look back fondly on.

Anniissa · 27/05/2021 23:41

I did I think on the third date. we had known each other a bit as friends previously so had some background but it was still a bit of a leap of faith. Was one of the best holidays I’ve ever had and we still both look back very fondly now some ten years later. I find holidaying can be a bit make or break anyway as you need to be in tune with your holiday style. Fortunately we really worked well together. We did stay in a large house where we had multiple sleep options if we needed space. I had the funds to leave if I wanted which I think is essential.

UnFringed · 27/05/2021 23:43

I had a wild weekend totally unplanned, we went on date 2, he came to mine, we drove to the beach the following day, no clothes nothing, booked a hotel and stayed 3 nights. It was whirlwind and amazing.

Split up after date 6 but it was a brilliant experience anyway. You’ve nothing to lose just go have fun.

PermanentTemporary · 27/05/2021 23:44

Id go on a heartbeat. Enjoy.

Do things even if you think they might go wrong. Assuming you like them at all.

therocinante · 28/05/2021 21:23

My third date with DH was a dirty weekend away, so I'd say go for it - if the chemistry's there and you get on, why not? The likely 'worst' thing that can happen is you don't fancy each other that much/she talks in her sleep/whatever and you can ride out a night of polite activities with a nice enough person who you get on with, surely? Or travel seperately then you can make a dramatic escape if needed!

Cowbells · 29/05/2021 19:12

@UnFringed

I had a wild weekend totally unplanned, we went on date 2, he came to mine, we drove to the beach the following day, no clothes nothing, booked a hotel and stayed 3 nights. It was whirlwind and amazing.

Split up after date 6 but it was a brilliant experience anyway. You’ve nothing to lose just go have fun.

I don't get this. If it was so amazing why split up so soon afterwards?
VettiyaIruken · 29/05/2021 19:15

I would go but only if I could book my own room. That way you have somewhere to retreat to.

Macncheeseballs · 29/05/2021 19:18

Absolutely, life is an adventure And what's the worst that could happen in 48 hours?

MumInBrussels · 29/05/2021 19:25

She's going anyway, right? I liked the idea of changing the default option, then - at the moment, you're worrying it's going to be too much or too long or awkward to leave early. So why not agree now that you'll go for an overnight stay (given the distance) and come home on the second evening, and that takes that pressure away (you can put up with a boring evening and night, I reckon) and if it turns out brilliantly and you want to stay the full weekend, I'm sure she wouldn't say no!

Original poster
WeekendWishes · 30/05/2021 11:35

@ARoseDowntown

Now ridiculously invested in this OP Grin Never met you, no clue where you’re going or who this other woman is......but I need to know what you decide and, if you do go, how it is!!

(Don’t mean to be pushy or pressure, no obligation to reply to randoms on the internet, but I cling to Barbara Cartland/ Jilly Cooper style romantic notions! I really want this to end well for you - as it did for me Smile. Also, interesting to see the cautious:give it a go ratio on this thread.)

Very sweet of you to be interested to know how it all turned out.

I decided in the end not to go. I think it was the correct decision. I’ve received about 4 messages trying to change my mind since. I think the first firm and polite no, and giving my reasons should have been more than enough. I also received some unrequested “disrobed” photos... they were lovely enough - but it’s all a bit fast.

Miss Weekend also told me that there were certain things (mentioning exactly what they are would be too outing) that I do that she doesn’t like to do herself, so she wants us not to do those things at all during our next meeting.

It’s all too much and too overwhelming, so I don’t think I want to see her again at all at this point, all of this has been killing the attraction. I haven’t even had partners I’ve been with a long time try to tell me what to do, let alone someone attempt it for a third meeting!

Quite relieved I didn’t go, I don’t think I would have felt as free as I’m used to... that’s with all going well and I hadn’t been sold into human trafficking slavery as someone mentioned earlier in the thread! Funnily enough, that had also crossed my mind, but I’d dismissed it as absolutely paranoid!

OP posts: