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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go away with someone you had been out with twice?

106 replies

WeekendWishes · 27/05/2021 15:06

I’ve been invited to a weekend away, and I’m not sure whether to go or not. I’d love to hear some opinions.

We’ve been on two dates and had a lot of fun together. There’s plenty of chemistry.

I’m hesitant that a weekend can be a long time, what if I or she gets bored (I’m female). We haven’t reached that place of real comfort in each other’s company yet. What if there are awkward moments, especially mornings and evenings when we’re not out doing something?

Pros:
Get to know someone better who might turn out to be great
Have a change of scene for the weekend
Seeing beautiful scenery
Doing something a bit special for the bank holiday
It might be the beginning of a beautiful relationship (which I’m not sure I’m ready for just now)
Making up for Covid lost time and shaking the cobwebs off

Cons:
The expanse
Packing and travelling
No privacy (one shared room)
What if she’s not as nice as I thought she was!
Loosing a weekend where I could have been happily at home and spent that money on some much needed stuff
The embarrassment of having to make my excuses to leave early if necessary (who needs that!)

What would you do? Am I being unreasonable not being sure if I want to go?

OP posts:
BinocularVision · 27/05/2021 15:46

Well, what is she like? Did you really like her? Do you want to see more of her? If so, I’d consider going but only if I could arrange to have my own room.

Babbly · 27/05/2021 15:47

I would tbh. DH and I fell in love hard and fast - said "I love you" in less than two weeks. We're still madly in love (as far as I'm aware) - we've been together now for over a third of our lives. Sometimes you can just tell if someone is your person (obviously, sometimes you can't) but I don't think time necessarily helps you to know.

Original poster
WeekendWishes · 27/05/2021 15:49

@Laiste

I would.

But - i would have a contingency plan for how to get home easily if it all went tits up.

Uber and local transport are available.
OP posts:
OrangePowder · 27/05/2021 15:51

I wouldn't have when I was young, but I might now, on a separate rooms, I'm perfectly capable of travelling home independently if necessary basis.

Life's short, sometimes we need to take a risk, with appropriate mitigations in place!

Original poster
WeekendWishes · 27/05/2021 15:51

@Laiste

Are either of you driving OP?

Or is it trains/coach?

I will be arriving by train, she’ll have her car.
OP posts:
Laiste · 27/05/2021 15:57

In that case i'd give it a go!

If you were driving it would be awkward to up and leave her there, but if she's the one with the car then that's ok.

I've taken big leaps of faith in my life in the past and i've never regretted them.

I'm going to sound like your mum now, but just make sure you have access to money, let someone know where you're going and that you'll be in touch with them, all be it just briefly at some point over the weekend, and take a phone charger Grin

Original poster
WeekendWishes · 27/05/2021 15:58

@BinocularVision

Well, what is she like? Did you really like her? Do you want to see more of her? If so, I’d consider going but only if I could arrange to have my own room.
She’s very nice so far! I really like her a lot. And I’d love to spend more time. My own time and privacy though is important to me these days after having lived with someone until recently.

I know about her background generally, but not in any detail. At this early stage, most people are on their very best behaviour.

In the past I have found going away with someone allows you to get to know them a lot better, the good and the bad. Maybe I’m too mature and world weary now to just go running off! There was a time I would not have given it a second thought. I no longer feel like a wild creature thought and am quite happy to spend a weekend at home on my own,

I still hate to miss out on really good times!

OP posts:
ARoseDowntown · 27/05/2021 15:59

I did. Married almost 15 years now. I was familiar with where we went and confident in him so had no concerns about personal safety.

It was an amazing weekend and the city is still very special to us. We’ve decided never to go there with our DC, to save it just for us Smile.

Nicolastuffedone · 27/05/2021 16:01

No.

Cowbells · 27/05/2021 16:01

No way. I wouldn't go away for the weekend with someone unless I had spent a lot of time in their company. Go for a few longer dates - all day dates, maybe an overnight at each other's houses and some time doing not much together - just lazy Sunday morning stuff. If that all worked out, then I'd go away for the weekend.,

Original poster
WeekendWishes · 27/05/2021 16:02

@Laiste, really helpful comments and advice, very much appreciate it, thank you!

OP posts:
Willow4987 · 27/05/2021 16:02

I think it’s a difficult one.

If it was my DH then yes as I just knew...like I knew he was it so things moved very fast

With any previous boyfriends/people I was seeing then no I wouldn’t as my usual stance would be to take things slow and guarded

Tigertalk · 27/05/2021 16:03

I’m extremely cautious when dating. Commitment phobe. All went out the window when I met dh , on date four he came on a week trip I had already booked abroad. It was mad and scary but sometimes you have just got to take a leap of faith !

KatherineJaneway · 27/05/2021 16:03

Personally I wouldn't if we had to share a room as I like my own space to wind down and they could snore like a dump truck.

ARoseDowntown · 27/05/2021 16:04

Reading more of your posts: just go. If you feel crowded, tell her you just need a bit of space for a couple of hours, you’re going to pop to the pub/cafe and be back soon. Make sure she knows it’s not personal (assuming it isn’t!) and that you’re just used to time alone and need some quiet. Chances are she’ll appreciate the alone time - catching up on texts, sorting out personal grooming/clothes/whatever, having a nap, also having some time apart. If she can’t hack a couple of hours without you....well, she’s not the one for you.

Be honest and be you. It’s the best start to a relationship. Don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to, as long as you’re not being hurtful or thoughtless towards her. It’s just a weekend. Hopefully there will be many more in your life!

Confusedandshaken · 27/05/2021 16:05

Common sense says absolutely not but if your heart, body and gut are saying go for it than listen to them!

amusedbush · 27/05/2021 16:16

DH and I went to Paris for three nights after two months together, but it was booked after just a few dates. Obviously it worked out as we’re married now but I was 22 and lot more free-spirited back then Grin

Teapot13 · 27/05/2021 16:19

There shouldn't be this pressure on you. I don't understand why you can't go on a more local day out with this person and save the weekend away for 6 months or so. It's a lot of time and money if it isn't great.

pinkappleorpineapple · 27/05/2021 16:25

I did when I was younger, had only met the person once on a night out in a city neither of us lived in. We had a fabulous weekend. Nothing came of it longer term but I still remember it fondly.

Original poster
WeekendWishes · 27/05/2021 16:27

@Teapot13

There shouldn't be this pressure on you. I don't understand why you can't go on a more local day out with this person and save the weekend away for 6 months or so. It's a lot of time and money if it isn't great.
There isn’t any pressure thankfully, and even if there was, that wouldn’t work with me, she will be going away whether I’m there or not, it was booked before we met.
OP posts:
hardboiledeggs · 27/05/2021 16:32

no way, sorry I just wouldn't.

ShopTattsyrup · 27/05/2021 16:32

I did a long weekend (Fri - Sun) trip with my now BF after 3 dates. Great fun and obviously worked!

If it shows you if there's a future there the go for it! Might be awful and then you know for sure, might be amazing and the start of a long term relationship and might be fun but you come to the conclusion that you're not a good fit.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 27/05/2021 16:38

I would. Especially with another woman (too much time on MN makes you weary of men!🤣).

Years ago I met a guy on a course we were both doing, at the end I was staying on in the city, but he couldn't (best mates big event) we didn't sleep together on the course and only kissed on the train to the airport 🤣). He came back the following weekend! We definitely planned to have sex & lots of it, but we also enjoyed the beach & the city. We had a fab time and stayed together a couple of years.

Life is a lot less fun these days!!

thelegohooverer · 27/05/2021 16:38

No from me.
I had a similar situation when I met dh; he was going away for a conference in a city I’d have loved to visit, and suggested that I join him for the weekend.
I said no, as it felt too soon. The phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder was never more true.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 27/05/2021 16:40

What's the very worst that can happen? One of you decides you're not compatible?! Saves a lot of wasted time! It's only a weekend, not a fortnight! Live a little!