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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go away with someone you had been out with twice?

106 replies

WeekendWishes · 27/05/2021 15:06

I’ve been invited to a weekend away, and I’m not sure whether to go or not. I’d love to hear some opinions.

We’ve been on two dates and had a lot of fun together. There’s plenty of chemistry.

I’m hesitant that a weekend can be a long time, what if I or she gets bored (I’m female). We haven’t reached that place of real comfort in each other’s company yet. What if there are awkward moments, especially mornings and evenings when we’re not out doing something?

Pros:
Get to know someone better who might turn out to be great
Have a change of scene for the weekend
Seeing beautiful scenery
Doing something a bit special for the bank holiday
It might be the beginning of a beautiful relationship (which I’m not sure I’m ready for just now)
Making up for Covid lost time and shaking the cobwebs off

Cons:
The expanse
Packing and travelling
No privacy (one shared room)
What if she’s not as nice as I thought she was!
Loosing a weekend where I could have been happily at home and spent that money on some much needed stuff
The embarrassment of having to make my excuses to leave early if necessary (who needs that!)

What would you do? Am I being unreasonable not being sure if I want to go?

OP posts:
MiddlesexGirl · 27/05/2021 16:40

I wouldn't. I'd feel awkward.

littlepattilou · 27/05/2021 16:45

@WeekendWishes

No way.

As a few posters have suggested, maybe a daytrip with no overnight stay.

No WAY would I be going on holiday with someone I had been on 2 dates with...

And I definitely would not be sharing a room/a bed with them. NOPE! Shock

Taliskerskye · 27/05/2021 16:49

I totally would. Worst case scenario you realise you’re not that into each other.
Best case, you have a riot.

Dogscanteatonions · 27/05/2021 16:53

DP and I went away together for the weekend on our third date! It was bloody marvelous, one of the best weekends of my life and we're very happily still together a few years later. We're sickeningly in love 🤣

I had quite a few worries before going but absolutely none of it mattered in the end.

That said we were falling for each other hard from the get go and as much as mine went well it could equally go badly I guess. You won't know unless you try.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 27/05/2021 16:54

I would! I’m firmly of the belief that you regret the things you don’t do rather than the things you do. Worst outcome is you realise she’s not for you. Best outcome is a fun weekend and potentially a new relationship. You obviously like her enough to be considering it, which suggests there’s relationship potential there. (Disclaimer: I’m desperate for a change of scenery after this year so would probably accept a weekend away with just about anyone!)

diddlediddle · 27/05/2021 17:02

You're overthinking this massively!

Do you want to go, or not?

I went away for the weekend with DH for date 4. That was 15 years ago.

If it feels right, go. If it doesn't, don't

minipie · 27/05/2021 17:07

I would! especially since it’s a woman so far fewer safety concerns.

I tend to decide if I like someone pretty quickly and am not a huge fan of the dating stage… have always jumped in with both feet as it were.

MaryTheMiddle · 27/05/2021 17:08

My only thing would be, if you share a room but not sleeping together iyswim, could you end up being more like friends? A friend of mine tried to sleep over at a guy's house after a date in a totally platonic way and it went weird. Just hugely awkward, like they were buddies rather than romantic, but on the date they'd been flirty and they didn't really know each other, so it became awkward. But not a total disaster or anything.

It wouldn't be a hard no though, just something which sprang to my mind!

Blueskytoday06 · 27/05/2021 17:14

No way

hippidyhiphip · 27/05/2021 17:17

Can you not go just for one night?
That way you're spending a day and night together, without having to do the long weekend.

ImInStealthMode · 27/05/2021 17:24

Not a romantic relationship but I did go for a mini break abroad with a girl I'd met through work 3 or 4 times. (I was already going on my own, mentioned it to her and she said how much she'd love to visit that city, so long story short she came with). It was one of the best weekends I've ever had and she's now one of my dearest friends.

That said, we did have separate rooms, but after day 1 it wouldn't have mattered anyway, we've shared rooms/beds many times since.

I say go for it, what is really the worst that can happen? If it's really awful you can just call it a day and come home? Could be amazing though.

Happycat1212 · 27/05/2021 17:27

Nope

(Loving all the people saying they did and it worked for them now they are married etc, well I think there’s many more people that did this and it was a nightmare! You were just lucky)

Dozer · 27/05/2021 17:29

No.

You say that money is an issue for you, so given the other negatives it seems better to spend it on something else!

Lots of cheaper and closer things to do on a bank holiday weekend.

Happycat1212 · 27/05/2021 17:31

Speaking of the friends going away it reminds me of when my sister invited someone random woman from work she didn’t know very well and the woman was all enthusiastic saying how much she couldn’t wait then when she got on the holiday she refused to speak to her and ignored her the whole time, literally my sister would speak to her and she wouldn’t respond or stare blankly at her, she wouldn’t speak to anyone at all, it was so bad that people were asking my sister if she spoke English (other people my sister had met whilst out there) She also didn’t change her clothes the whole time she was there 😨

HighlandCowbag · 27/05/2021 17:32

Go for 1 day and night? Say you will go down Friday night, have a meal or whatever then a mooch around Saturday day, come home Saturday night if that's what you want, stay if that's what you want.

anunexaminedlife · 27/05/2021 17:34

It's only two hours away, so I don't see why not. The worst that could happen is that you would begin to find her annoying after a day or two, but that would save your time anyway.

diddlediddle · 27/05/2021 18:06

Just to respond to the person saying that for most people this scenario would turn out to be a nightmare...

So what if it is?

You will never know if you don't give it a go. It could be a nightmare. It could be amazing. It could be fine. It could end up in marriage. It could be the end of the relationship. It could be anything. But if you don't experience life and open up to experiences then what's the point?

If you don't want to go then you don't want to. But don't avoid going because you're afraid.

newnortherner111 · 27/05/2021 18:19

No, think it is a bad idea, whether it was two women, two men or a woman and a man. Saying you are uncertain about a relationship makes it a simpler decision.

BadMotherLover · 27/05/2021 18:31

Yes. I would. It is a weekend. Try it. If it is disaster apologise and leave early. Take a chance.

YellowFish12 · 27/05/2021 18:35

I would say YES to a fun bank holiday.

Have a nice weekend. If the relationship doesn't work out it doesn't work out - no harm in trying a weekend away.

It doesn't need to be awkward at any point.

Monsteraobliqua · 27/05/2021 18:54

I think 'why not?'. I'd personally prefer just one night but if it's been fun so far it'll either be a good weekend or you'll realise you're not for each other. I went on a 2 week holiday with a guy I'd been seeing a month when I was younger. We didn't last forever but had a good few happy years together!

1Morewineplease · 27/05/2021 18:57

Not after only seeing them twice.

BertramLacey · 27/05/2021 19:05

My second date with someone I went and stayed at his house for the weekend. It turned into an LDR - the distance was the reason for staying away for a weekend on the second date. I was with him for about 18 months and it was great fun.

So long as you take care of your personal safety, why not?

Sarahlou63 · 27/05/2021 19:06

I had a drunken lunch with a guy back in 1988. He invited me to Amsterdam for the weekend - tickets were with me that afternoon. We had a blast! Didn't see him again but still smile at the memory Smile

ARoseDowntown · 27/05/2021 19:07

Now ridiculously invested in this OP Grin Never met you, no clue where you’re going or who this other woman is......but I need to know what you decide and, if you do go, how it is!!

(Don’t mean to be pushy or pressure, no obligation to reply to randoms on the internet, but I cling to Barbara Cartland/ Jilly Cooper style romantic notions! I really want this to end well for you - as it did for me Smile. Also, interesting to see the cautious:give it a go ratio on this thread.)

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