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Original poster

Would you have another baby?

63 replies

Peakenog · 26/05/2021 17:49

I'm new here and not sure where to post this.

I've been with my partner for 5 years and I've got 2 children from a previous relationship. My youngest is 8, he is autistic but now he's got older he isn't too difficult and doesn't need constant supervision.

Me and my partner both agreed to no children (although at first he did want a child). In January I found out I was pregnant and although we were shocked at first we were both happy. I then unfortunately had a miscarriage.

For some reason I now want another child but I'm not sure. My eldest became a young dad a few months ago so I've been helping out him and his girlfriend and I've been looking after my grandson so that also could be why I want another child.

I just have no idea what to do

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 26/05/2021 17:52

No, I wouldn't have another baby.

lastqueenofscotland · 26/05/2021 17:53

Not in that situation when your child would be younger than your grandchild no.
And also not with a child with SN.

TheGumption · 26/05/2021 17:53

No I wouldn't

DNAwrangler · 26/05/2021 17:54

Personally I’d put my efforts into enjoying my grandchild.

TheGumption · 26/05/2021 17:54

I think you need to be able to focus on your child with autism and your eldest becoming a father at a young age.

Fashionesta · 26/05/2021 17:55

How old is your older son. You say young dad. If he is of an age where he might need more support in his parenting role I would say no. Between that and a child with SEN I think it would be too much and it's better to be able to be there wholly for the two children you have.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/05/2021 18:00

Not a chance. Enjoy what you have.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/05/2021 18:00

How old are you and how old is your eldest and his partner op? As in is there time for you to think this through, how much support do he and the Mom need?

twiggytwoo · 26/05/2021 18:10

I don't think I'd want to be a new mother and a new grandmother at the same time!

Laiste · 26/05/2021 18:23

How old are you OP? How does your partner feel? He has no kids of his own and was happy to find out he was going to become a father. How old is he?

Personally, weather or not my kids have had a child would have no baring on a decision between my husband and i to have a child.

Laiste · 26/05/2021 18:25

Obvs if your son is still in his teens (15, 16, 17, 18) i'd be leaving it a couple of years and help out there first.

WonkyCactus · 26/05/2021 18:25

Not if I was already a granny, no (even a young one).

mogsrus · 26/05/2021 18:26

i think you have to ask yourselves, can we afford another,as everything costs

anuvamotherhood · 26/05/2021 18:26

No way. Imagine having a grandchild older than your own child. 😅 just borrow the grandkid no offence.

Popcornbetty · 26/05/2021 18:27

Not a chance, I'd rather enjoy having leisure time and being a grandparent.

CutieBear · 26/05/2021 18:29

How old are you and your DC? You say your eldest is a “young dad,” how young? Sounds like you have a lot on your plate with an SEN DS in primary school, a teen dad (assuming) and baby grandson. Maybe focus all your attention on them.

Myglassishalfempty · 26/05/2021 18:30

Really awful idea. Ignore the feeling and you'll be glad you did looking back.

Laiste · 26/05/2021 18:35

@anuvamotherhood

No way. Imagine having a grandchild older than your own child. 😅 just borrow the grandkid no offence.
I think you'll find this is more common than you think these days - with it becoming more normal for blended families, women remarrying, big gaps between kids.

It could easily have been me. My eldest is 28 and my youngest is 7. If my eldest had a child at 21 that child would be been older than my youngest. Not quite sure why that would be hilarious Hmm

bubblebath62636 · 26/05/2021 18:37

How old are you all op?

I wouldn't bother but everyone feels differently about children.

BrilliantBetty · 26/05/2021 18:37

No way. You've got enough on your plate.

Figgygal · 26/05/2021 18:38

How old are you?
But no I wouldn’t

picturesandpickles · 26/05/2021 18:39

Really sorry about your miscarriage Flowers

You have an awful lot going on. I would definitely wait a few months and see how you feel then. It may be, as you say, a response to your new grandchild or it may be a real wish. I think I can see a lot of reasons not to, but ultimately only you can answer the question.

mayblossominapril · 26/05/2021 18:43

In the past it was common, I’ve got a cousin who is older than his uncle by a year. The cousin was his mother’s first child, the uncle my grandparents last child. The cousin and uncle are very close.

Babbly · 26/05/2021 19:08

I'm sorry for your loss OP. These posts are always so nasty - and the answer is ALWAYS no. Your OP could've said quite literally anything and the answer would've been "no to more kids" from the MN jury.
"You shouldn't have more kids with a DS with SN"
"You shouldn't have a child younger than your grandchild"
"You shouldn't have a child if you agreed not to"
"You shouldn't have a child if you're too old"
"You shouldn't have a child in case your older son needs you"
Well, why the hell not? Do whatever makes you and your DH happy - do whatever works for you. Talk to him about it. The fact the immediate response of so many was to attack you and only one person thought to comfort you on your miscarriage is a shame.

Patapouf · 26/05/2021 19:09

Absolutely not. You are a grandmother!!

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