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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think he should stop using the apartment as an office and pay to rent a co-working space or an office elsewhere?

65 replies

Elma2021 · 26/05/2021 12:12

I am in my thirties and live with two very good male friends of mine in a flat share. We have lived together for years and generally have a good time together and would happily keep living together in the future.

During the pandemic we all worked from home and managed to do it without killing each other! Now though, where we live has opened up and people can go back to the offices. One of the housemates has done that, the other works freelance online and has continued to work from home. I sometimes work unusual hours or take days off in the week so I am at home too occasionally. When my housemate is home working he sits in the living room typing or in his bedroom where he seems to shout very loudly into his zoom meetings so I can hear every word. The apartment feels like his office. My job is pretty stressful at the moment and I find it stressful that when I'm at home it is also an office. I can't relax when my dear housemate is stressed out and working close by. Also I can't use the living room to listen to music or cook or just relax because he is there on his computer.

He earns LOTS of money for the work he does, at least double what I earn, we all pay the same rent.

Am I unreasonable to think he should stop using the apartment as an office and pay to rent a co-working space or an office elsewhere?

He is a lovely guy and if I told him how I felt I think he would find a co-working space but I don't know if that is a reasonable request to make of him. Please let me know what you think! Thanks!!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 26/05/2021 12:14

I think you at least need to have a conversation about not using 5he communal space unless he's happy to have you pottering around in it, and that if he's being loud in his bedroom you may counter with TV or music

KittyMcKitty · 26/05/2021 12:16

I voted YANBU but I can see both sides to be fair. Maybe tge 3 of you should all sit down together and talk through how best to make things work for all 3 of you? And maybe set some ground rules around homeworking? Did he work from home pre COVID?

OldEvilOwl · 26/05/2021 12:17

How much he earns is irrelevant. You cant request this but you should definitely have a chat about it and see if some compromise can be reached

PinkDaffodil2 · 26/05/2021 12:19

Where did he work pre-covid? Maybe ask what his plans are after he’s had his jab(s) as things open up?

Original poster
Elma2021 · 26/05/2021 12:25

@PinkDaffodil2

Where did he work pre-covid? Maybe ask what his plans are after he’s had his jab(s) as things open up?
He worked freelance before, also from home and plans to continue working from home. He has had his first vaccine.
OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 26/05/2021 12:28

So he has always worked from home but only now you have a problem with it?

Triffid1 · 26/05/2021 12:30

He doesn't have to stop working at home because you don't like it. But you absolutely have the right to ask him not to work in the lounge. Or, if he does, you are not going to be tip toeing around communal areas. If you want to flop down and watch tv or cook or play music, then you absolutely can do that.

AlexaIWillNeverSayDucking · 26/05/2021 12:31

I'd start with asking him not to shout - to get some headphones with a mic or something instead and not to use the lounge if you are home.

They are both reasonable requests, see how it goes and perhaps move to a co-working space if it stays a problem.

Original poster
Elma2021 · 26/05/2021 12:31

@roarfeckingroarr

So he has always worked from home but only now you have a problem with it?
I think in the past he also took some contracts where he had an office. He also did used to go to co-working spaces sometimes. TBH it is hard to remember the pre-covid life!

My schedule also changed so that I am home more during the day...I guess I am also more stressed out than in the past.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 26/05/2021 12:33

You need to have a chat and suggest he only works in his room and tries to keep the shouting down to a minimum. Talk to him about it.

Original poster
Elma2021 · 26/05/2021 12:34

@Triffid1

He doesn't have to stop working at home because you don't like it. But you absolutely have the right to ask him not to work in the lounge. Or, if he does, you are not going to be tip toeing around communal areas. If you want to flop down and watch tv or cook or play music, then you absolutely can do that.
I find it impossible to relax if he is there working in the living room. I feel like I'm in the way and that I have to be quiet. Also he is very stressy when he works and it really does fill the space.
OP posts:
GappyValley · 26/05/2021 12:35

Your working pattern is the variable here, not his

Just because your working patterns changed to mean you’re now at home more, he doesn’t now have to find an office to accommodate your stress levels

If the deal was always that he worked from home, then you can’t insist on moving the goalposts now it suddenly doesn’t suit you

You can ask him if you and him can come to an arrangement about you both working from home, but he has probably got more reason to ask you to be out of the house during the day than you have of him!

Hopefully you can both find a compromise that works for you both and doesn’t financially penalise either of you

Original poster
Elma2021 · 26/05/2021 12:37

@AtrociousCircumstance

You need to have a chat and suggest he only works in his room and tries to keep the shouting down to a minimum. Talk to him about it.
I will talk to him about it but I worry that talking to him will make him feel uncomfortable in his own home.
OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 26/05/2021 12:38

Just because some people can go back to offices doesn't mean that he can. Many can't, guidance is still WFH if you can, and many employers are still following this. Some have also drastically changed their working arrangements and will no longer provide office space for their employees or contractors.

However, him being loud and taking over communal spaces isn't on so yes, he should either work quietly in his bedroom, or look at renting an office outside your home.

sbhydrogen · 26/05/2021 12:42

I think it's definitely reasonable to ask about not using the living room for work as it's a communal space. Just ask him to work in his bedroom.

I wouldn't want to pay for a co-working space even if I do earn a lot. What a waste!

Triffid1 · 26/05/2021 12:43

I will talk to him about it but I worry that talking to him will make him feel uncomfortable in his own home.

But you are uncomfortable in your own home. So...

To be clear, my earlier point was that either he doesn't work in the lounge OR that you need to carry on as normal. If you don't feel you can do that, you may need to negotiate with him. But really, he shouldn't be working in communal space.

Original poster
Elma2021 · 26/05/2021 12:43

@BarbaraofSeville

Just because some people can go back to offices doesn't mean that he can. Many can't, guidance is still WFH if you can, and many employers are still following this. Some have also drastically changed their working arrangements and will no longer provide office space for their employees or contractors.

However, him being loud and taking over communal spaces isn't on so yes, he should either work quietly in his bedroom, or look at renting an office outside your home.

We don't live in the UK and here people are back in the work place. The co-working spaces and open and in use in our city.
OP posts:
SoupDragon · 26/05/2021 12:46

I think it's a bit harsh if he's doing exactly what he was doing before.

You do need to find a compromise now your schedule has changed though.

Oneweekleft · 26/05/2021 12:48

I think the first thing to do is just to talk to him and explain what you said here about your job being stressful and about you needing the communal space to unwind in and perhaps could he work in his room when the flatmates are in the house? He could use the communal space when you're all out. If he doesnt want to change his habits its probably best to look for a new place... good luck, hopefully he'll be reasonable.

SoupDragon · 26/05/2021 12:49

The thing that has changed in the usual set up is your schedule, not him so you need to approach it slightly differently to how you would if he just wasn't going back to the office.

billy1966 · 26/05/2021 12:49

He needs to work quietly in his room a or get an external office space.

Having someone stressy around the place roaring at zoom calls is selfish and not on.

He's making YOU feel uncomfortable in YOUR home.
End of.

The space is a home first.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 26/05/2021 12:50

@Elma2021

But your comment Re upsetting him...??

But he's upsetting YOU!?

He really should be more thoughtful... He's had the benefit of using the communal space, when you're not there...but as you're now there more, it is unacceptable that you can no longer do communal space activities... Such as watching TV /chatting, without him shouting aggressively during work calls...

Would drive me nuts...

I would regaulrly work in communal space when I was house sharing... But I always put my stuff away. /moved to my room when others were there... Not least that much of the stuff I was working on was confidential.

My guess is he's just got used to it and hasn't got a lot of empathy... Its also pretty demanding/entitled to be honest...

If I was having an argument with a work colleague I'd be acutely aware of other people having to hear, if I'd not been somewhere private.

Castlepeak · 26/05/2021 12:52

If I was him, this would be the end of the flatshare. Why would I pay for coworking space and deal with that inconvenience? If I’m having to spend more, might as well get my own place.

toocold54 · 26/05/2021 12:55

YABU and I sense a bit of jealously that you’ve got to go back and he gets to continue to WFH even though he’s always done that. How much he earns is also completely irrelevant.

If he is taking zoom calls or being loud in the front room then I definitely think a discussion needs to be had but as long as he’s doing these things in his own room then he’s not doing anything wrong. If his typing is annoying you in the front room why not just go into your own room.

To be honest it sounds like you’re ready to get a place of your own. Can you afford to get a studio flat if something instead?

misspattylacosta · 26/05/2021 12:56

I agree, the issue is the living-room. You need to discuss that.
What he does in his own bedroom is up to him really, working is reasonable.

Communal space should stay communal.

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