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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think he should stop using the apartment as an office and pay to rent a co-working space or an office elsewhere?

65 replies

Elma2021 · 26/05/2021 12:12

I am in my thirties and live with two very good male friends of mine in a flat share. We have lived together for years and generally have a good time together and would happily keep living together in the future.

During the pandemic we all worked from home and managed to do it without killing each other! Now though, where we live has opened up and people can go back to the offices. One of the housemates has done that, the other works freelance online and has continued to work from home. I sometimes work unusual hours or take days off in the week so I am at home too occasionally. When my housemate is home working he sits in the living room typing or in his bedroom where he seems to shout very loudly into his zoom meetings so I can hear every word. The apartment feels like his office. My job is pretty stressful at the moment and I find it stressful that when I'm at home it is also an office. I can't relax when my dear housemate is stressed out and working close by. Also I can't use the living room to listen to music or cook or just relax because he is there on his computer.

He earns LOTS of money for the work he does, at least double what I earn, we all pay the same rent.

Am I unreasonable to think he should stop using the apartment as an office and pay to rent a co-working space or an office elsewhere?

He is a lovely guy and if I told him how I felt I think he would find a co-working space but I don't know if that is a reasonable request to make of him. Please let me know what you think! Thanks!!

OP posts:
LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 26/05/2021 14:42

YABU, if he wants to work from home you can’t forbid it!
Re shared spaces, of course you should be allowed to go in the living room, put the TV or music on etc. So if this disturbs his work and/or if he needs to be the one adjusting, ie moving to his bedroom. If however he is happy for you to do whatever while he works in silence, you would be U to insists he goes away just because it stresses you out.

Castlepeak · 26/05/2021 14:53

I have WFH for many, many years. I have absolutely no desire to use a coworking space. Using one would be bad for my mental and physical health.

Singalongasong · 26/05/2021 15:06

"Am I the only one who thinks this is a really negative change in the way we live and work?"

Sure, I agree with you, I loathe working from home. But pushing your friend out of his home to work, and imposing your own idea of what's best for him... Neither of these are the answer. You know this.

GappyValley · 26/05/2021 15:16

This is nonsense!! The OP has a right to relax and not have the shared spaces of her home used as an office during the day. They pay rent to use the property as a home first and foremost, not office space, so he definitely does not have more right to ask the OP to be out during the day.

OP moved in to the house share knowing he works from home. That is his deal

She can’t suddenly now say she doesn’t like him working from home and therefore he should get an office

That’s like moving in with someone with a pet, then deciding you don’t like pets and asking them to get rid of it

You knew the set up when you moved in!

PattyPan · 26/05/2021 15:16

Am I the only one who thinks this is a really negative change in the way we live and work?

I for one am glad that I no longer have a 3 hour daily roundtrip commute at the expense of over £400 a month. I have more time to sleep and more time to myself. I’m more productive without a manager breathing down my neck too. Working from home is certainly better for my mental health. I think your housemate can judge for himself what is best for him.

Dishwashersaurous · 26/05/2021 15:17

But he likes working from home. Lots of people do.

No commute time or cost. If he's freelance then genuine flexibility about when to work. No need to wear specific clothes etc etc

You don't like working from home. Fine.

He does.

You've changed your working pattern and now notice that he's working from home, and you don't like it.

Tell him how you feel, he's not a mind reader

Original poster
Elma2021 · 26/05/2021 15:26

@Dishwashersaurous

But he likes working from home. Lots of people do.

No commute time or cost. If he's freelance then genuine flexibility about when to work. No need to wear specific clothes etc etc

You don't like working from home. Fine.

He does.

You've changed your working pattern and now notice that he's working from home, and you don't like it.

Tell him how you feel, he's not a mind reader

He has told me loads of times that he hates it and feels like he is going crazy being at home all the time!

Also our commute to downtown is a 15 min cycle ride on a cycle path so not comparable to many people's experience of commuting.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 26/05/2021 15:29

If he is saying that he hates WFH then thats the time to bring up the option to rent office space - maybe send him a few links. Keep it separate from the conversation about use of shared space.

ElberethGilthoniel · 26/05/2021 15:48

@GappyValley

This is nonsense!! The OP has a right to relax and not have the shared spaces of her home used as an office during the day. They pay rent to use the property as a home first and foremost, not office space, so he definitely does not have more right to ask the OP to be out during the day.

OP moved in to the house share knowing he works from home. That is his deal

She can’t suddenly now say she doesn’t like him working from home and therefore he should get an office

That’s like moving in with someone with a pet, then deciding you don’t like pets and asking them to get rid of it

You knew the set up when you moved in!

No, OP has said that she has lived with him for many years. Nowhere does she say that this was the case when she moved in? Maybe it was him that moved into her house, and then decided he wanted to work from home?
Dishwashersaurous · 26/05/2021 15:59

OK. So when he says that he hates working from home, what do you say in response?

But there are two separate issues.

  1. Where he chooses to work, none of your business.
  1. Him making you feel uncomfortable in the communal areas by working in them. The very first time this happened why didn't you talk to him about it? He has no idea that you feel uncomfortable. So tell him and let him decide what to do with that information
HollowTalk · 26/05/2021 16:19

Another alternative is that the three of you find somewhere else to live together, eg a four bedroomed place, where he pays extra rent and has an office. But I agree, it sounds as though that wouldn't be good for him, to be on his own all day.

LittleOwl153 · 26/05/2021 16:42

Suggest he uses a headset on his computer for calls and that he does so either in his room or a designated office area that you can avoid. It's hard sharing a house with someone constantly 'on zoom"

PattyPan · 26/05/2021 21:40

@rookiemere

If he is saying that he hates WFH then thats the time to bring up the option to rent office space - maybe send him a few links. Keep it separate from the conversation about use of shared space.
Totally agree with this.
annehemm · 11/07/2021 18:46

If I were you, I would immediately explain everything directly to your roommate If you say that you live very well together, then I am sure that you understand each other very well as friends.

annehemm · 11/07/2021 18:47

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