We split up seven years ago following his infidelity- she was a mutual friend and the relationship didn’t last. He had been a sahp as he saw himself as a writer/musician and I have a career. He was okay at it but when we split he left as needed a break – he never tried to position himself as the main carer and definitely didn’t want the responsibility.
When we first got together his dm gave him £60k as a deposit on a house. We bought together and I paid about 90% of the mortgage I would have thought until we split. We weren’t great with money and were also hit by the 2008 crash and we also moved to a bigger house so when we split there was only about £38k equity in the house and no other assets aside from my pension. When we divorced he asked for me to buy him out and for a further 10k when ds2 turns 21 (will be 9 years from now). I was only eligible to borrow about £17k and he got about £12k after fees and debts had been settled. He was adamant he wanted none of my pension, which is quite a good one.
After the dust settled I put in a claim for CM as he refused to ever discuss it with me. He has the dc 4 nights per fortnight but never pays for anything at all – has nothing for the dc at his house so I have had to provide absolutely everything since we split. At that point he started sending abusive emails about ‘his £60k’ and how I had grasped it from him. Obviously, it didn’t exist anymore at the time we split and that was as much his fault as mine, probably more so as he would never prioritise earning money over ‘following his dreams.’
So now I am comfortable month to month but having to save for his fucking 10k and provide absolutely everything for the dc. I often worry about when the dc are in uni and other major costs that would floor me. It has always felt like everything is my responsibility. It took me until last year to get any CM from him and he now pays £100 per month for a 12 and 14 year old and provides fuck all else.
He’s just inherited from his dad, who died a couple of weeks ago, and dc have shown me a house on RM he has put an offer in on – it’s £170k so must be a huge inheritance as he would never get a mortgage and has nothing of his own. He will also inherit from his dm, probably more. He’s just quids in and it really stings, though I know this is horrible of me. I’ve struggled for years and will continue to and he is now loaded having done fucking nothing all his life and effectively been subsidised by me. I have no idea whether I will ever inherit but if I do it won’t be as much as him as my parents are together and I have a troubled relationship with my dad. I’ll have to hand over the £10k as well. I had a small inheritance (well, £30k didn’t feel at all small at the time) but would have to hand a 1/3 of it over to him yet he has thousands now so it would be a drop in the ocean. If he’d just tell me he has the kid’s uni costs sorted I’d feel a lot better, but even if he plans that he’d never tell me until the last minute. I also worry that he’ll start throwing money at the dc and they’ll want to live with him. It just feels so unfair and I know this also makes me a bad person.