To be very excited to return to work post maternity leave?

[TenLittlePirates]

I want to know if I am being unreasonable being very excited and looking forward to going back to work when DS turns 1 next month?

We could (just about) live off DH’s salary alone, and to be honest, most of my part time salary (I’m doing 3 days/week) will be going on nursery fees so we will affectively be in that situation anyway.

I just don’t want to stay at home. This is no dig at SAHMs - I have so much respect for you! It’s just not what I want. I must confess, my DS (who is adored and so wanted) hasn’t been the easiest baby and obviously maternity leave in Covid hasn’t been great. But even if he was the most easy going baby and times had been normal I think id still want to go back to work. I love my job - I’m lucky that before maternity leave I was genuinely excited for every day at work.

I’ve had friends and family both directly and indirectly say I’m making a mistake. A lot of my mum friends are dreading going back to work and would kill to be able to afford to stay at home. There have even been tears at recent meet ups - I couldn’t be further from this! A family member i value the opinion of even said (off hand, I should say) that putting a child in nursery unnecessarily is cruel - that they should be with their mother unless it’s absolutely impossible. I’ve seen the studies that say nursery can be detrimental under 3. It makes me feel selfish, but still not enough to not want to go to work.

Thing is, if I was working 5 days a week, I’d be earning about the same as DH. This isn’t a rant at him because he’s amazing. But I don’t hear anyone saying he should be at home with DS...

Would love to know the Mumsnet community’s views.

@TenLittlePirates just do what makes you all happy tbh and don't worry about what anyone else thinks... each to their own I say!

As this is your first post it sounds very much like you're a journalist looking for a story! The wording is very survey like...

It’s not actually my first post - I’ve changed names as some of my other posts would give away who I am! Sorry I didn’t realise I should say this. Can assure you I’m not a journalist, just someone who has always written in long winded pros (much to a lot of people’s annoyance!) x

You don't need this decision validated. You do not have to feel guilty. You do not have to listen to anyone tell you how to live your life.

I went back three days a week. Not a single soul questioned this and nor should they. I am really happy with the balance but I don't see it as better or worse than full time work or full time at home. We do what we do because we believe it's the best scenario. Whatever that scenario may be.

YANBU. I practically skipped back to the office. DH didn't want to stay at home full time and neither did I.

I recommend getting some working mum friends.

YANBU. I was happy to return to work after my maternity leave was up, both times. Enjoyed it then, still enjoy it now. I’m in an office job (wfh these days) and it’s considerably easier than looking after toddlers

I'm in a similar situation. My son is almost 10 months old and I'll be starting a new job on June 7th, full time. My son will be going to nursery full time.

I feel a bit guilty about sending my son to nursery at that age, but I think I picked a good one.

I want to earn money again, for me this is primarily about money. I found a well paid job and despite the high nursery fees I should be able to afford more luxuries and also put money aside each month.

I also don't want to be a SAHM parent for three years and then have difficulty finding a job.

I didn't like that we always had to be so careful with money while I was on maternity leave.

I don't think nursery damages young children if you can find a good one with good key workers.

At the end of the day, if you enjoy your job so much, you will be a much more satisfied human being being able to work and consequently a better mom to your child, so don't worry, you made the right choice.

I planned on a year off and was crawling the walls at 7 months - I went back at 8 months.

People that make comments like ‘nursery is cruel’ I just ignore because they’re talking absolute rubbish. FWIW, my kids were in nursery almost full time from 8 months and they were fine, settled in no problem. They have no memory of it at all now.

I never felt an ounce of guilt for wanting to have a life outside of being a parent which I felt I was in danger of falling into.

YANBU - I'm a better Mum when I work, I appreciate my children much more & have more patience with games etc.

Also, yes, while you're virtually working to pay nursery, you're holding your space in a job that you enjoy & suits your family.

Blink and they're at school & you'll (probably) be glad you kept at it - some of my friends are finding it hard to restart careers.

Mums are different, families are different, babies are different - you know best what suits you all.

Each to their own.

I enjoyed going back to work too.

YANBU. You thoroughly enjoyed your job before having a baby by the sound of it.

Frankly I found being at home with babies extremely boring. I did it, but I was glad to get back to work and have adult company, conversation and some mental stimulation. As I approach pension age I'm extremely glad that I did.

I think women should do what works for them.

I went back to work early after DC1 (7 months). DC2 is 9 weeks old, and I returned to work at 7 weeks post partum 🤷‍♀️ (I do work from home, and do my hours of an evening/weekend as have a super flexible employer, the evening/weekend hours work for us both)

Like you, I adore my job, it most certainly doesn’t feel like a job. I also didn’t see the point in taking stat mat pay, when I would be happier working and my bank balance would be happier for it too.

Likewise, I don’t hear a single person commenting about DH working full time from 3 weeks pp. Yet people are utterly horrified about a mum working. I’ve ignored the comments tbh - other people’s opinions are non of my business

3 days a week is the perfect balance in my opinion. It’s what I do with DD, we have Mondays and Thursday together for quality time. Then she goes to nursery for 3 full days. Nursery has been amazing for her, I honestly think she would have been very disadvantaged without it as she is sociable and she learns so much there.

I’m having twins soon, and I will be 100% going back to work after they’re born (part time maybe less hours). We won’t benefit financially. BUT it’s only for a couple of years then your free hours kick in.

Plus, I want to keep my job as I work for a great company. They will be able to give me school hours when the time comes which I actually think is more important than the baby/ toddler years. I want to be able to pick them up from school and wouldn’t want the stress of finding a new job after a long time out of work.

If I just quit I genuinely feel like my self worth/ brain would fizzle out. Plus, being a SAHM to twins and a 4 year old would be absolutely relentless- I’m not ashamed to admit I can’t do it, I need to pay a professional!

Thank you all. I feel so much better reading this. My mum has been incredibly supportive of my decision but she stayed at home and absolutely adores babies, so she says herself she can’t fully relate. I don’t have many mum friends IRL being the first of my actual friends, so hearing it’s okay to feel like this is really reassuring. I have been feeling like a bit of a monster for being so excited! As someone said, at the moment I do feel a bit on the cusp of being overwhelmed by motherhood. I personally feel very fortunate that I have part time work in a job I enjoy to readdress this a bit. Thanks all again x

I was very like you OP. I am back at work for just over a year now and I was delighted to be back. I absolutely love my job. But as I was getting ready to go back I felt guilty for feeling like this and not being totally fulfilled by motherhood. Also like you every other mum I met up with seemed to be 'dreading' going back. I wondered what was wrong with me!

Having said that, I do have the best of both worlds at the moment as wfh and have family helping with childcare so still get to spend loads of time with DD. But I would feel the same about work if she was in nursery albeit I would miss her more as well.

I also returned to work ( full time), when both my sons were about 9 months old. They are now both at university and are as well adjusted as I could hope for!

I genuinely think they benefitted from me being happy in my work and very committed to them when I was at home.

I was fortunate that my dh worked from home for much of their childhood so we could share looking after them when they were ill etc.

So, chose your childcare wisely and enjoy your child when you are not at work. As they get older, you will be able to develop your career much more easily than if you take a career break now.

Childcare comes out of the joint income not just yours
Don't feel guilty
Enjoy your working time
You will be building pension and paid holidays

Don’t feel guilty. As you quite rightly pointed out, no one would query your dh returning to work. Dc will be fine.

I skipped back into the office after having DD2 😂 someone else was in tears on her 1st day back. Each to their own. I really don't know how SAHPs do it, I love my children immensely, but I need time away too.... As does my bank balance!

YANBU - I practically danced back to work after maternity leave. I adore my son but he wasn't an easy baby and I found mat leave isolating (this was pre covid).

My mental health was much better when I returned to work.

My son is now 7 and thriving so no harm done

I'm fhe same, can't wait to go back later this yeae after two consecutive mat leaves! Nursery fees for 2 will be most of my salary but it's 10x easier than being a SAHM! So much respect for those who do it...it's not for me! I'm looking forward to a hot cup of tea and hour lunch break! DD1 Has been at nursery since 11 months and loves it, she certainly hasn't been traumatised by the experience! Lots of my mum friends are in tears too...I'm glad I'm not alone!

Do what makes you happy and ignore other people. There's no one answer to this situation.

Nobody would question a man working after having a child, so don't beat yourself up. A happy mum is best for everyone.

Couldn't wait to go back. Have no regrets. Love my kids but we'd all be miserable if I was a SAHM. I'm very shit at it and would be a shit role model as a sahm because my heart is not in it.
Don't apologise for your choices. Make the best one for you and your family.

I don’t know why culturally it seems like you have to have a strong preference for working or for staying at home! My life is so much richer because I work AND because I have kids at home who I adore. When I’m at work, I’m pleased to be doing a job that stimulates me and where I feel helpful to people. When I’m at home I get to delight in family life. Why do they need to be in opposition?!

For what it’s worth, my kids also adore their nursery. The hardest part of the pandemic for them was not being able to see their friends for several weeks during the closures.

I was so happy to go back to work! Just squeezing into my normal work clothes made me feel like a different person!

I felt exactly the same. I enjoyed mat leave, love my kids, but very excited to get back to work both times.

High quality childcare has been brilliant for my kids. There is nothing to feel guilty about.