To be very excited to return to work post maternity leave?

[TenLittlePirates]

I want to know if I am being unreasonable being very excited and looking forward to going back to work when DS turns 1 next month?

We could (just about) live off DH’s salary alone, and to be honest, most of my part time salary (I’m doing 3 days/week) will be going on nursery fees so we will affectively be in that situation anyway.

I just don’t want to stay at home. This is no dig at SAHMs - I have so much respect for you! It’s just not what I want. I must confess, my DS (who is adored and so wanted) hasn’t been the easiest baby and obviously maternity leave in Covid hasn’t been great. But even if he was the most easy going baby and times had been normal I think id still want to go back to work. I love my job - I’m lucky that before maternity leave I was genuinely excited for every day at work.

I’ve had friends and family both directly and indirectly say I’m making a mistake. A lot of my mum friends are dreading going back to work and would kill to be able to afford to stay at home. There have even been tears at recent meet ups - I couldn’t be further from this! A family member i value the opinion of even said (off hand, I should say) that putting a child in nursery unnecessarily is cruel - that they should be with their mother unless it’s absolutely impossible. I’ve seen the studies that say nursery can be detrimental under 3. It makes me feel selfish, but still not enough to not want to go to work.

Thing is, if I was working 5 days a week, I’d be earning about the same as DH. This isn’t a rant at him because he’s amazing. But I don’t hear anyone saying he should be at home with DS...

Would love to know the Mumsnet community’s views.

Not at all. I went back full time. I adore my job, being fulfilled at work makes me happier which makes me a better mother.

My salary also enables us to take the children on nice holidays and have a lovely home.

YANBU at all! Going out to work and having a fullfilling and enjoyable job outside of the house is a really positive and healthy thing that will only help to make your world bigger!

Critical thinking generally is definitely on the decline, people can't seem to fathom that we are all different. I don't think any child, no matter how young, is better off at home with a miserable parent who doesn't want to be there. And I would have been so miserable!

I've discovered over the past year I don't really like anyone enough to be trapped in the same 4 walls indefinitely with them

You’re hanging around with the wrong people if they’re implying you’re doing something either unusual or wrong. Not a single one of my friends ever considered not working just because they’d had a child. I went back early. Maternity leave gave me the blues. DS is a delightful 9 year old now.

I'm back just over a month after DD2 and I'm so much happier. DD1 is three and has been in nursery full-time since she was ten months, she loves it. DD2 is enjoying it so far as well, fingers crossed that continues.

Someone will be along eventually to make extreme sadface about how you don't enjoy spending time with your own children and how you'll never get these years back.

To which I say: thank fuck. Because I hated them about 60% of the time. So now I spend that 60% at work, and I enjoy the rest at home, and we have bags more money, and my kids adore their nanny. So, yay.

I went back part time when DD was 4 months old. I think I’d have gone batshit crazy stuck at home any longer, with no intelligent adult conversation or challenging work.
I tried the local mum and baby group, which was dire - every conversation seemed to revolve around teething or nappies. And being in a room with twenty screaming babies definitely was not an improvement on being at home with one!
My second pregnancy, I worked til 36 weeks, to shorten the time stuck at home.
I was widowed before that baby’s first birthday, so had to build my hours up to full time to support the DC financially on my own.
I enjoyed my job as a hospital doctor, specialising in anaesthetics and ITU, and had a 36 year career in the NHS. My DDs are in their 30s now, and I love them to bits. But I certainly needed my own space (and work) when they were babies and toddlers!

I love my kids but my god babies and toddlers are dull. Do what works for you and your family. Also - think of your pension.

I went back to work full time after 6.5 months as we needed the salary but honestly, after the covid experience with no one to meet, no places to go, nothing to do but stay home and go for a walk + losing my mother in law... I was extremely relieved to be working again. Normal conversations, interesting work...

Having said that I am hoping that when DS is a wee bit older and DS2 is on the way now, I can maybe take a bit more mat leave or do a bit of part time work if home finances improve as a couple - and get to enjoy that mat leave I didn't really get the first time round

I feel a bit guilty having a nanny but I am close by and honestly DS gets sick of mummy and daddy and wants to play with other people. Plus honestly being a SAHM is so difficult for me since I love talking to people!

I found it really hard leaving a baby under 6 months...when it got to 9 months, I skipped into work too!

Also: DH does his bit. He cooks, he cleans, he folds, he fills out nursery forms, he does 50% of sick days, he goes to parents' evening and supervises homework and homeschooling.

It is very difficult to establish that 50:50 balance down the line if one parent has ever done 100% for an extended period. Not impossible, but very very difficult and most people never manage it. One of the best ways to have a DH or DP who pulls his weight is to share leave and to be serious about going back to work after mat leave and establishing shared responsibility when the DC are very small.

The very last thing I wanted to do when ours were 1 was to return to work because I loved being at home with them.

I’m not you though. I can feel your excitement through your post. A happy mum is a great mum so good for you

I went back 7months after each. Second time I did wonder what if but tbh I had no choice as main earner. 6 years down the line bloody glad I did as my marriage broke up.

Because I had stayed in my well paying flexible job I was able to afford to buy my ex out the house meaning my children had stability and also tweak hours as needed to cover school / childminder runs.

I was happy and ready to go back to work after having my DD; this isn’t a dif at anyone but I needed more and I found it lonely being at home with a baby even with being able to see other mums. I wanted something that was for me. Now with 2 DC I feel a bit differently but that’s more about the logistics of 2 young DC and working

I’m looking forward to some aspects of going back to work. I want adult conversation and we need the money. If I could avoid going back to work though, I would. That’s as much to do with my job as it is leaving DD2 though.

YANBU to want to go back to work. Ignore what others think as it’s nothing to do with them.

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

Someone will be along eventually to make extreme sadface about how you don't enjoy spending time with your own children and how you'll never get these years back.

To which I say: thank fuck. Because I hated them about 60% of the time. So now I spend that 60% at work, and I enjoy the rest at home, and we have bags more money, and my kids adore their nanny. So, yay.

And the “I don’t want strangers raising my child”

And the “I don’t want strangers raising my child

Ask them if they intend to home school as well. A class teacher is a stranger too...

Thank you all so much! I’m so glad to know I’m not some kind of monster haha. Love DS but I’m counting down the days tbh. Had some money saved after doing FU during lockdown. I’m one of those smug people who weighs less now then pre pregnancy as DS spent his first 6 months only napping in the sling while I marched around in the rain LOVES the outdoors 🙈 I’ve treated myself to some new work clothes and I’m a bit buzzing!

I was delighted to go back to work after maternity leave! I did enjoy it BUT found I got overly invested in cleaning and keeping the house immaculate, which I've never cared about before... I needed something else to do with my brain. I now look back and wish I'd invested all that time and energy in the garden while I had an immobile baby!

I like my job, I like earning my own money, and I like being able to make DH be an equal parent rather than doing everything child-related because I'm at home.

Of course, going back didn't work out brilliantly for me... we went into lockdown a month later and gone was the lovely world of reading books on my commute and having Pret for lunch, instead I was trying to work while looking after a toddler!

I just wonder why you took such a long maternity leave if you were so excited to get back to work. I don't think there's anything wrong at all with being excited to go back to work, but if so - why take a whole year?

I got 6 weeks paid leave after my daughter was born and took a further 2 weeks unpaid. I would have like to have had a few more weeks, but a whole year? I can't even imagine that.

@Anonymous48 In all honesty? I thought I’d enjoy the daily act of being a mother more than I have. He’s my first - I had no idea how I’d find it day to day. And it’s also taken a year away to really appreciate my job and how much I enjoy it and how I am quite defined by it - that might be unhealthy but that’s not the topic of this thread. We could afford a year and it suited my job so that’s what I ended up with. If we have children in future I’d probably look at going back sooner, but I’d make that decision based on the situation at the time.

Anonymous48 I think it depends a lot on your job and industry as well. Where I work full pay for six months is the standard maternity package so no one takes less than 6 months, and it's just the norm to take a year as that's how long your job is held open for. Several of my colleagues were surprised when they heard I was 'only' taking 10 months with my second

OP, enjoy the return to work! I've definitely found I enjoy both home and work more from having both

Oh dear god ignore them, I’m a SAHM and will be for the forseeable due to personal circumstances. I would have been running back to work if that was an option. Enjoy!

I also thought I'd enjoy it more, and yes, in my industry (which is very female-heavy) it's very much the norm and affordable to take a year's leave. My cover was employed up until the month I was due back. If I were to have another I would take the year off again, but would put the baby in nursery for a few hours a week earlier to give me some brain space before going back to work.

I also enjoyed maternity leave much more from 6-12 months than 0-6, and felt like I was owed that time enjoying my child after the hideousness of the first half.

[quote TenLittlePirates]@Anonymous48 In all honesty? I thought I’d enjoy the daily act of being a mother more than I have. He’s my first - I had no idea how I’d find it day to day. And it’s also taken a year away to really appreciate my job and how much I enjoy it and how I am quite defined by it - that might be unhealthy but that’s not the topic of this thread. We could afford a year and it suited my job so that’s what I ended up with. If we have children in future I’d probably look at going back sooner, but I’d make that decision based on the situation at the time.[/quote]
Thanks for the explanation. Makes perfect sense! Enjoy your son and enjoy going back to work. :-)