To feel lonely at work when everyone is speaking another language

[trtrtrtr]

"Lonely" isn't really the right word but wasn't sure how else to describe it.

I am working in a team of 6 people and 5 of them all speak the same (non-English) language. They have all really bonded and have lots of conversations in their first language which is fine. However, as a result of them speaking a language I don't understand I can't participate in conversations and therefore can't really bond with them as much. They do speak in English sometimes but I think by default they slip back into their first language when speaking together. But sometimes I'll be with them and all 5 of them will be talking together in a language I don't understand. They all have really good English.

I just feel guilty to feel like this when I am English living in England surrounded by the English language and English culture and they are all from abroad probably experiencing cultural differences and grateful to be able to have some kind of familiarity through speaking in their first language.

Sorry if any of this was offensive, I don't mean to be. But has anyone experienced this at work or have any advice on how to handle it?

@MargaretFraggle it is of course a delight to see something from home when you’re abroad. A restaurant serving my home cuisine just opened near me and I’m over the moon!

What I was referring to was people who made zero effort to engage. For example lots of international students at my uni hung out solely with people from their home country, went out for similar food, and were active in the society for their home country. Why pay all that money to come to the U.K then?
The value add of international experience (work/study) is the ability to engage with people of different backgrounds... but that’s not the point of this thread 😂

As an aside I never understood people moving abroad (refugees etc excepted) and staying in their own little culture bubble...might as well not have moved then

Within that. I never understand when it comes up that I am Danish by birth that if who has just found out knows another Danish person living near they will say " oh my friend xxx is Danish you must meet her" my stock answer now is. "Why? Will we get on?" And many times the person responds after thinking confused for a moment " probably not you are really different" well then WHY would I want to meet them ? The fact they are Danish is not that interesting to me. I have a large family I can call in Denmark if I want an injection of Danish.

I have lived in the UK for 30 years now I do not have any Scandinavian friends as my life has gone a bit in a different direction to that sort of community. However when this is mentioned people seem really surprised.

So there is also an expectation you " stick with your kind"

I think it's rude and they must know that this isn't ok.
I'd have a word with your manager.

I never understand when it comes up that I am Danish by birth that if who has just found out knows another Danish person living near they will say " oh my friend xxx is Danish you must meet her" my stock answer now is. "Why? Will we get on?" And many times the person responds after thinking confused for a moment " probably not you are really different" well then WHY would I want to meet them ? The fact they are Danish is not that interesting to me. I have a large family I can call in Denmark if I want an injection of Danish.

And the "Omg I know person from x country doen in Lonfon. You know, Peter"
I started answering by "You know Jane? Yeah. Jane. They live in -city 100 miles away-. I am sure you know them already, with you both being English."

It got point over quite quickly😂

Sorry for typos🤦

I think you need to talk to them or a supervisor. It's not fair on you and seems to be affecting the team dynamics. It may be that no one has really thought about it's impact, you sound like a very understanding sort, but you need to risk being a but awkward and stop it. The language that everyone understands should be spoken at work.

It's very weird to speak with people from your native country in another language.

@misspattylacosta

It's very weird to speak with people from your native country in another language.

It's not if you are used to the language. I have less than a handful (literally under 5) and with few we generally speak English. We do sometimes switch to ours, but mostly English is used. We are just used to it from work etc and we've been here long time.

Under 5 friends from native country.

I am not having luck posting and making sense today🤦

It's not if you are used to the language.

I disagree. When you are in a group, or on a forum like this one with a group of people, English (for example) comes naturally.

But when you are face to face with native speakers only, it's weird.
I don't know many who don't revert back to talking their home language.

No one has even spoken to me in English when they realise I am not English - if we are not in a group.

Counting seems to make many people revert back too, which is quite funny.

I agree with the counting. I don't understand why I can't count in English for longer than 5😂

But yeah. We speak often English with our native language jumping in sometimes with some of the friends. I have English at work and at home as main language here so I very rarely speak native one. English is becoming more natural and it's similar for that friends.

I agree it's rude, but just to be grumpy this is pretty much how most Brits behave in my country, only they cba to learn the native language so they expect everybody to speak English when they are around .

Learn to say "err, hello? I work here too and I can't understand you!"

@misspattylacosta

It's very weird to speak with people from your native country in another language.

But it is extremely rude to exclude others who don't understand you.

Yes, it can be weird and I say this after over 20 years in the UK. And I do speak German to my fellow German colleagues - If I am alone with them.