To feel lonely at work when everyone is speaking another language

[trtrtrtr]

"Lonely" isn't really the right word but wasn't sure how else to describe it.

I am working in a team of 6 people and 5 of them all speak the same (non-English) language. They have all really bonded and have lots of conversations in their first language which is fine. However, as a result of them speaking a language I don't understand I can't participate in conversations and therefore can't really bond with them as much. They do speak in English sometimes but I think by default they slip back into their first language when speaking together. But sometimes I'll be with them and all 5 of them will be talking together in a language I don't understand. They all have really good English.

I just feel guilty to feel like this when I am English living in England surrounded by the English language and English culture and they are all from abroad probably experiencing cultural differences and grateful to be able to have some kind of familiarity through speaking in their first language.

Sorry if any of this was offensive, I don't mean to be. But has anyone experienced this at work or have any advice on how to handle it?

Yanbu it's incredibly rude though they likely don't realize how wrong this is because you haven't vocalised how you feel. I speak a number of languages and my mother tongue in not English. But when I know that somebody in my presence, (even on public transport) cannot understand me, I speak English because it's rude and some people become paranoid thinking I am talking about them.

They should speak in the tongue of the nation they work in, English in this case.

What language is it? I mean it's a new skill if you fancy it. Although I recently gave up trying to learn Polish because it was really hard (and I'm bilingual with a smattering of a third).

That way you have an in (rather than talking to management, which is unlikely to lead to good relationships).

I'd consider that to be very rude!

It's rude and deliberately excluding you! You can ask them nicely to stop as it's making you uncomfortable or you raise it with your line manager or HR.

Its really not acceptable behaviour in the workplace. I've had this before and they tried throwing the racism card at management who quickly shut them down, speak English or face disciplinary for bullying/non inclusive behaviour.

@Flimgalos

They should speak in the tongue of the nation they work in, English in this case.

Not necessarily. They should speak the common language everyone in a team speaks in.

It's so funny having lived in various countries how happy English people are to have the lingua franca be English and how very unhappy they are when it's not. I do actually think they should be speaking English when actually working (not on a break) but I've seen it very much the other way in different countries.

And memorably I once volunteered to translate because in a mixed group of French and English speakers there was one sole-French and one sole-English. The English speaker I translated for said I was 'showing off'. That's stuck with me. She would have been perfectly happy, I assume, for the sole-French speaker to be left out or for one of his friends to translate.

It's a marvel that the Europeans didn't want us gone honestly, rather than us desperately trying to leave.

You should learn it (or just a few phrases of it) then one day drop some in. Their faces would be a picture!

Should say, not the OP, she seems lovely!

@Tempusfudgeit

You should learn it (or just a few phrases of it) then one day drop some in. Their faces would be a picture!

Especially swearing

Rude behaviour and I say this as someone who speaks English as my 2nd language. I very rarely speak in my mother tongue if around people and I never did at work when I worked with another who spoke the language

Are they Welsh by any chance?

@Ozanj

Are they excluding you on purpose, or do they switch to English when you join in?

How do you join in when you don't understand anything that's being said?

I used to work for a bank in London who had a very high number of people from the county of my origin working there. It was an unwritten rule to change language to English as soon as an English person entered the room. It was just the done thing out of curtesy. Even if you were chatting to a colleague about your kids over the weekend or whatever and an English person also turns up waiting for the kettle to boil we’d just switch to English without even thinking about it. Same in meetings, if anyone didn’t they were quickly reminded and would apologise and switch language. Just a “English please everyone” would do.

It is very rude and unprofessional in a work setting if the company language is english. I have a colleague who is from the same country as me and we have never spoken in our native language to eachother during work time.

@Flimgalos

They should speak in the tongue of the nation they work in, English in this case.

The op doesn't say they're in England.

I had this when I worked in Wales. 99% of people in the organisation spoke Welsh. As that was expected. I did try and learn but it was (is) a real blank spot for me. I know quite a bit and to be fair people did try and include me so it wasn't that much of an issue, if I had something to say I'd just get on with it, often conversations would be in English but then switch to Welsh, people did apologise and to be honest I didn't really mind. By the end of my time there I could understand quite a bit.

It could be construed as bullying but may not be, especially if they're used to talking in that language naturally (it was somewhere Welsh is very commonly spoken, and I live somewhere like that now).

@SoItStarts

As an aside I never understood people moving abroad (refugees etc excepted) and staying in their own little culture bubble...might as well not have moved then

I know right? You should say that to all the expats and immigrants in all the countries outside of the UK. They proudly talk about their expat and foreigners' communities where they stay most of the time; never bother to learn any other language and speak English wherever they go.

This

Very unprofessionally and your manager should raise this.

I am German, work for a London branch of a German company here in the UK and around 1/4 of the staff is German. We do speak German to each other but only 121 and then mostly at the water cooler/kitchen or if there is really noone else involved in the discussion.

Our manager (also German) would have our head if we would exclude colleagues from conversations, intentionally or not.

Management would have something to say about this. No idea how to go about alerting them, it’s pretty obvious the complaint will have come from you!

They might sometimes forget - I have a couple of colleagues who have started speaking Dutch to me, because they forgot, and switch between Dutch and English all the time. I would reply in Welsh or German, and I specifically learnt "Ik kann geen Nederlands spreken," for these times.

However, whether deliberate or not, if it's never pointed out to them, then they may not realise you feel excluded, so it does need raising, especially if English is the working language.

They might sometimes forget - I have a couple of colleagues who have started speaking Dutch to me, because they forgot, and switch between Dutch and English all the time.

This caused issues when my manager didn't switch and then got pissy when I didn't do something he apparently told me to do🤦

But yeah. Language confusion is fun sometimes 😂 I've been known to switch mid sentence on occasion.

On the one hand, never underestimate the power of Google Translate to eavesdrop and translate for you. That can really put the wind up some people.

However for a UK workplace, YANBU.

They shouldn't speak in their own language when you are in the room, they're excluding you. English is not my first language but I speak to people from my country in English if there's even just one person who otherwise wouldn't understand. If I have to translate something or ask how to say, I apologise first and then switch back to English. I think that's just good manners.
Not to mention when they do it at work it's unprofessional.

My Italian friend switches mid sensentence I don't think she does it purposely. Her sister also lives here and they both speak perfect english but speak Italian to each other as, from what I can see, it just flows better. More natural for them.

We’ve had this at work, some staff speak Urdu and some don’t, we spoke to the manager and all staff have been told they must speak English unless they are on a break or off shift.
It can seem rude when you don’t understand what others are talking about.