Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD: Respond or not?

89 replies

Aneley · 25/05/2021 09:15

After a complete disaster with a cleaner sent by an agency, I asked my contacts on FB for a recommendation.

One person (mother of my friend from Uni) left the following comment:
"Aneley, my dear... when you accept that cleaning the house can be both mental and physical recreation, you won't have a problem with it anymore. I'm speaking from experience - raising three children, whilst keeping my managerial job, farming the land and building a house - and I've never had a cleaner. It's all about smart use of your time and good organization."

Now, I've been having a rough time recently (which she doesn't know!) so my fuse is a bit short at the moment, which is why I'm trying to control myself and not respond. Am I being too sensitive?

On the other hand, is it possible that by not responding I'm becoming unsensitized to judgemental and misogynistic comments, if that's what this is?

For context: I've already had disagreements with this person in the past and quite a few times opted not to respond. She has literally zero insights into my life and schedule. I work full time, long hours and have a very intense job, 18m old DD and can afford a cleaner without a strain. And I don't think cleaning is 'beneath me' - I supported myself through PhD by cleaning and would do it again if I have to.

YABU: You should respond.
YANBU: You shouldn't respond.

OP posts:
elfycat · 25/05/2021 09:39

I always reply as though they've cracked a joke.

'Hahahah Recreational housework, good one!

So anyone have any recommendations for a cleaner?'

Triffid1 · 25/05/2021 09:39

I think this is where you have to, at the very least, change your settings so that you don't see her and vice versa. Or possibly you just quietly unfriend her.

However, if you feel sentimental about this relationship and retain some affection for this woman, then I guess you could try to make her see your point by saying something about what worked for her doesn't work for you. But I'm not hugely optimistic.

stairgates · 25/05/2021 09:42

Please add 'Love your humble brag post btw!'

stairgates · 25/05/2021 09:42

And leave a link for humble brag explanation on there.

starfishmummy · 25/05/2021 09:44

Wow. I wouldnt waste my breath on explanations real or other. I like the "fuck off" reply; Id probably wait to see what she said that just for curiosity and then delete

Ponoka7 · 25/05/2021 09:44

I'd write back "it's a shame that you didn't think to share your wealth and create (much needed) employment, I'm not that selfish'".

Countrycode · 25/05/2021 09:46

Don't respond. No one looks good when they argue on Facebook. She's an arsehole. I would delete her comment and say nothing. If she notices then she'll know she over stepped. If she asks why you deleted it (she'd have to be an idiot not to) privately message that her comment was patronising and unnecessary but only if she asks why you deleted it. I would keep a dignified silence otherwise and consider removing her from your friends list.

QuizzlyBear · 25/05/2021 09:46

@skirk64

Does she have any weaknesses you could perhaps target in retaliation? Maybe her daughter (your friend) had mental health problems or got involved in drugs or something at university, anything like that? You need to find an area where she has not been perfect then attack her with that, saying that if she'd spent less time cleaning and more time working on x/y/z she wouldn't have screwed up so much.

Please don't do this, it's not a race to the bottom. You're better than she is, don't sink to her level.

CoffeeCakey · 25/05/2021 09:46

I'd just ignore it. Everyone else will see her stupid comment.

CoffeeCakey · 25/05/2021 09:47

@skirk64

Does she have any weaknesses you could perhaps target in retaliation? Maybe her daughter (your friend) had mental health problems or got involved in drugs or something at university, anything like that? You need to find an area where she has not been perfect then attack her with that, saying that if she'd spent less time cleaning and more time working on x/y/z she wouldn't have screwed up so much.
What?! No, don't do this.
Beamur · 25/05/2021 09:48

@JonahofArk

I'd just put: 'Good for you' with a handclap emoji and would carry on with my day. That will infuriate her!
This! Or nothing at all. She's very smug and highly unlikely to be able to empathise with your situation.
DrManhattan · 25/05/2021 09:48

Just reply lol

Womencanlift · 25/05/2021 09:49

Or just add the classic acronym - ODFOD!

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 25/05/2021 09:50

‘I don’t remember asking for your opinion’.
Then block.

Countrycode · 25/05/2021 09:51

Or tell her you'll send her blue Peter badge right over.

FetchezLaVache · 25/05/2021 09:51

@FricasseeTurnips

It's all about smart use of your time and good organization.

Reply:

"I've decided it's a smart use of my time to organise a good cleaner"

Love this suggestion! That or "You do you". But add a "my dear" in there, to give her a taste of her own patronage.
titchy · 25/05/2021 09:52

Just a passive-aggressive thumbs up emoji is all that is needed.

LadyDanburysHat · 25/05/2021 09:52

I would do as a previous poster suggested. Delete her comment and then unfriend her. Life is too short to put up with this crap.

steppemum · 25/05/2021 09:53

I would respond, just because I think we should call people out on crappy attitude.

I would use humour /sarcasm of some sort.

Well, congratulations superwoman, meanwhile, back in the real world, I'm looking for a cleaner. After all, who actually wants to clean a loo when you don't have to? Life is too short!

but then I saw your suggestion:
I personally prefer sex as a form of recreation over cleaning the oven, but to each their own
and I think that is perfect.

Billandben444 · 25/05/2021 09:55

Don't respond. No one looks good when they argue on Facebook. She's an arsehole. I would delete her comment and say nothing. If she notices then she'll know she over stepped. If she asks why you deleted it (she'd have to be an idiot not to) privately message that her comment was patronising and unnecessary but only if she asks why you deleted it. I would keep a dignified silence otherwise and consider removing her from your friends list.

This. Please don't engage with her on FB as it won't end well.

Toilenstripes · 25/05/2021 09:56

A simple, elegant Fuck Off from me.

maddening · 25/05/2021 09:57

Just reply "good for you",

Sparklesocks · 25/05/2021 09:57

I’d unfriend her - she’s a friend’s mum, not your friend. You don’t need her passing judgement on your posts.

Bluntness100 · 25/05/2021 09:57

Honestly I’d respond and keep it light. I’d respond with “lol, our ideas of recreation may differ. 😂” and then block her.

LoudestCat14 · 25/05/2021 09:58

@skirk64

Does she have any weaknesses you could perhaps target in retaliation? Maybe her daughter (your friend) had mental health problems or got involved in drugs or something at university, anything like that? You need to find an area where she has not been perfect then attack her with that, saying that if she'd spent less time cleaning and more time working on x/y/z she wouldn't have screwed up so much.
You think it's okay to use someone else's mental health problems to point-score and belittle?? Wow.