AIBU ... this is not my issue ?

[SheepyLamb2]

I am having serious issues with work and not sure how much longer I can put up with this or AIBU?

I have been in my company for 5 years and generally it's OK . It's a small company of 20 so no HR to go to unfortunately with any problems.

We hired a new person this year who was under performing from day one.
They simply could not seem to get anything right and it did impact me a lot. We began WFH because of covid for 3 months so somethings were brushed under the carpet but it's only gotten worse since full office return inc not completing all tasks, lots and lots of mistakes, high amounts of lateness.

Manager was dealing with this and I thought he would fail probation but no, pass. Now their duties have been stripped and moved within the rest of the projects team and they do the bare minimum.

I still have to work with the person closely and there has almost been a switch in attitude from manager. Now anything new person gets wrong , manager will say it is us. Even the simplest of task . 'We havnt reminded them enough' or 'we need to give more simple instructions'
This can literally be as easy as 'please print this today ' and if person has forgotten I am blamed and told I should have set a reminder for him! I may aswell do this myself.

New person is quite sensitive and he takes things personally. So now anything I say to him is being critised as not sensitive enough and I feel I am being analysed for everything I do . It's putting me on edge and I just want to get on with my job!

E.g I say oh have you printed that item?
This is apparently not sensitive enough and I need to explain further why I am chasing and avoid sounding like I am accusing him of forgetting by chasing the item.. even if he's forgot.

AIBU or is this just impossible to work with?
Admitedly I have shown frustration at times due to difficulty dealing with the constant issues.
Spoke to manager who use to understand but now I am definetely 'the bad one' and anything I say negatively about this person or mention I am struggling is put back on me as being too negative.

It's making me want to leave!

Might nepotism be in play here?

I'd be looking for a new job, no way would I be putting up with having a babysit a hopeless co-worker

@Aquamarine1029 not that I am aware of unfortunately . Manager use to feel the same frustrations about him but one day it just stopped and that's when it seemed to become a me issue .
Was almost a light switch moment

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair thank you! I was really starting to think is it me ? but I have never ever had an issue like this in my 20 years of working life!

Maybe they threatened with union or legal action. Would account for the change and the pussy-footing around.

Ask for a private meeting with your manager and spell it out to him.

@SheepyLamb2 That would drive me mad 😓 Could it be that an issue has been raised regarding their health or something that the manager now has to take into account?
Maybe they’ve gone to the manager about mental health issues or something that impacts their work so they’re getting cut a lot of slack? I know from experience as a manager that situations like that can leave your hands very tied. If that’s the case then it doesn’t sound like the manager is handling it well though!

@JayAlfredPrufrock yep done this, went in with list of the recent issues , what happened , full story, impact of the issues and how it affected my work etc etc . Some small and some large problems.
Told I was being too negative .

I think there's a hidden disability at play here. And although you have no right to know, it can make it a hell of a lot easier if you know what your are dealing with.

@KM38 not entirely sure if they have MH issues . They are sensitive like I said but unaware of anything deeper. Where would this leave me if that's the case?
Right now I don't want to pass anything over anymore as makes my life harder when not done as 1. Chasing 2. When it's wrong or forgotten it is also my fault

Could the other employee have raised personal issues, hidden disability, mental health issues with your manager? As a manager I have had this and it has explained why that person may need additional support or different ways of working, but can also be tricky to communicate to the team without breaching a confidence. In a larger organisation you have a HR who can help with these strategies but I imagine it’s a tricky one to navigate in a small business.

@CCC1 it would be good to know if MH is the issue and maybe would help me understand . I get that it's private though.

HOWEVER , if this is the case . I still don't want the blamed for their mistakes like I suddenly am now. I feel even if this is the case I am not responsible for this colleague

@SheepyLamb2 it’s so difficult because your manager cannot disclose it to you as it’s confidential. But at the same time, they have to make exceptions for your colleagues work (or lack of it) if an issue has been raised. Regardless of what’s going on with your colleague, it sounds like the issue really lies with how your manager is pinning blame on you? What’s the chain of command like in your role? Who does your manager report to?

@KM38 yeah I'm really really not sure.

Unfortunately going above manager is not an option as they are a director (small company issues!)

I think I will simply have to leave because I am not sure if I can deal with it much longer I feel like everything I say is now picked at or twisted at the moment . I am in a busy role and don't have time to overthink my every move and keep performing . It's making me crazy!

Does your manager know them or their family outside of work?

It does sound like something has been brought to his attention/made aware of. Like others have said a hidden disability.

Can you write up a list of bullet points of the issues you are experiencing, arrange a meeting and read out your issues?

If your manager is any good at their job they'll discuss solutions for your issues. They can't divulge any information but they can come up with ways to make things work.

If it's a case where you are told to get on with it, then I'd consider looking for a new job. You won't be able to do your job if you are stressed and fearful of saying the wrong thing.

Maybe just try your manager again, and ask if there is some issue that you're not aware of. Point out that manager used to get annoyed but suddenly is blaming you for the problems, and therefore if there is an issue, while you don't need to know the ins and outs of it, you do need to know, so that you can make your own allowances and decisions as to what it's sensible to ask of the new member of staff. Just a thought!

OP, I really think it would be worth your while getting some outside advice. Try ACAS or a solicitor. They might advise you to raise a formal grievance. Keep a written record of every incident. You could be going down the route to a constructive dismissal claim.
It sounds as though new colleague has held a threat of disability discrimination over the manager. Do you know anything about previous employers? It’s possible they’ve done this before.

@Lipz I am not aware of that sort of relationship. Manager use to be really frustrated aswell but not it's all just fine if something not done or wrong it's 'meh of well'

Yes I did just that with the list and examples . Was told being to negative ,change my approach etc and I have tried but to be told if I give any task to him , no matter how small I have to set up in there calendar , remind, give very detailed instructions , I might aswell not bother . These are extremely small and easy tasks. Even when I have done all of the above as suggested and the task is not done or wrong then it's just oh well .....

Now that I am suddenly responsible for their mistakes it's probably fractured the relationship more

I would agree that there may well be a hidden disability such as a learning disability at play here. In which case the manager would not be able to disclose the list info to you and/or some form of reasonable administrative may also be in place. Just something to consider may be a possibility.

I would start by making sure every request is via email that way, when things haven’t been done, they can’t say you didn’t ask the new person to do them.
Sounds very frustrating.

Even if your colleague has a hidden disability employers DO NOT have to they have to make exceptions for your colleagues work as @KM38 said.

The employee should be capable of doing the job regardless of disability. The employer make have to make some 'reasonable adjustments' to enable the disabled person to do the job.

If they can't do the job they should be subject to an assessment process - what's wrong, how to put it right, time target, review. If they still can't then they can be dismissed.

If I were you OP I'd go to your manager again and say it's them or you basically (without actually saying that).

@SheepyLamb2 Completely understand the small business issues - I’m a small business manager currently although on Mat leave atm! And prior to this I was a small business manager for about 7 years from the age of 22 and had some really tough situations to deal with when it came to employees and personal issues! I actually left my previous position to come to my current company because they have a proper HR department and I felt situations would be better handled (which they are).

Do you know if anyone else is having issues similar to you? Or is it only yourself that is impacted by the other colleague?

I wouldn’t be too quick to jump and leave - I would ask for another meeting with the manager. Put everything in writing. Is there another director that you can ask to come to the meeting as well? Tell them you need support to understand how best you can support your colleague as you feel that you have tried being reasonable but that your work and mental health is now being impacted by the current situation.

@KM38 now duties are stripped impact on other people is limited although things go wrong a lot there to when they give him a task or instruction but because it's occasional from each person it's just put down to general mistakes whereas it's constant for me.

I think what I feel really sad about is my character is very much up for discussion in it all ... I won't say to much but my manager is really dissecting my personality in all of this blame , when I am being 'negative' and making personal comments about me when I have raised the latest issues. I have never had this sort of working relationship issues before but it's making me so paranoid to be assessed in finer detail of everything I say lately. That's what makes me want to leave the most.

I did not consider hidden disability before so yeah, maybe it's a manager issue not colleague issue

I'd be looking for another job. I couldn't be arsed with this game playing. Whatever the reason, it is not acceptable that you are left doing more work because of this colleagues lack of ability to do basic tasks. And if you do get another job, give your notice and do fuck all work while waiting to leave. Assign it all to this colleague, let them fuck it up, let your manager have to clean up the mess while you laugh your way out the door.