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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU ... this is not my issue ?

85 replies

SheepyLamb2 · 24/05/2021 19:15

I am having serious issues with work and not sure how much longer I can put up with this or AIBU?

I have been in my company for 5 years and generally it's OK . It's a small company of 20 so no HR to go to unfortunately with any problems.

We hired a new person this year who was under performing from day one.
They simply could not seem to get anything right and it did impact me a lot. We began WFH because of covid for 3 months so somethings were brushed under the carpet but it's only gotten worse since full office return inc not completing all tasks, lots and lots of mistakes, high amounts of lateness.

Manager was dealing with this and I thought he would fail probation but no, pass. Now their duties have been stripped and moved within the rest of the projects team and they do the bare minimum.

I still have to work with the person closely and there has almost been a switch in attitude from manager. Now anything new person gets wrong , manager will say it is us. Even the simplest of task . 'We havnt reminded them enough' or 'we need to give more simple instructions'
This can literally be as easy as 'please print this today ' and if person has forgotten I am blamed and told I should have set a reminder for him! I may aswell do this myself.

New person is quite sensitive and he takes things personally. So now anything I say to him is being critised as not sensitive enough and I feel I am being analysed for everything I do . It's putting me on edge and I just want to get on with my job!

E.g I say oh have you printed that item?
This is apparently not sensitive enough and I need to explain further why I am chasing and avoid sounding like I am accusing him of forgetting by chasing the item.. even if he's forgot.

AIBU or is this just impossible to work with?
Admitedly I have shown frustration at times due to difficulty dealing with the constant issues.
Spoke to manager who use to understand but now I am definetely 'the bad one' and anything I say negatively about this person or mention I am struggling is put back on me as being too negative.

It's making me want to leave!

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 28/05/2021 12:38

Have you got any holidays booked off? Maybe if you are absent for 2 weeks they will see what a massive fuck up this colleague is?

LuvMyBubbles · 28/05/2021 12:47

You really do need to find another job? This won't get any better. Will it be easy to do?

LuvMyBubbles · 28/05/2021 12:48

I've worked a few places with staff like this, do incompetent but they get away with it. Drove me crazy!

Giantrooster · 28/05/2021 12:53

I know it has already been suggested, but please consider talking to your gp and get leave for a month or so due to stress? Would give you a month to look for work and your current work to realize the burden.

That or be frank, ask your director to be relieved of responsibility for said person as you clearly don't connect in a professional way.

SheepyLamb2 · 28/05/2021 12:55

@LuvMyBubbles hopefully! I feel so stressed I think I want to move away from projects and have been applying for some selective admin roles hopefully my skills will transfer!

OP posts:
LuvMyBubbles · 28/05/2021 12:58

Good luck 🤞 you need a change.

LadyCatStark · 28/05/2021 13:13

@mercuree

Yeah it sounds from your examples like he definitely has something affecting his executive function and working memory.

This must be really difficult.

The company is obliged to make reasonable adjustments to enable this, but that does not include other people who are managing them making reminders for them

Well, it does if there isn't a system in place to facilitate a task list and reminders (which a bigger company would probably have). It is reasonable that all tasks directed to the person are entered into some sort of calendar or to-do list, and the calendar or to-do list reminds him automatically. But for that, OP needs to enter the task, and OP said there was no point bothering to do that? I'm not sure which sector OP works but adding every single task, no matter how small, into the system and assigning those tasks doesn't seem like a foreign concept to me (in engineering). If the manager seems very focused on OPs "negative attitude" and getting quite personal about it, it could be that he is seeing OP as one of the "change is bad" types? Or it could absolutely be bullying, I don't know.

But either way it sounds like the problem is actually between you and your manager's expectations? If your manager is looking for you to manage this person more closely, and you aren't doing it... is there a reason? And how are you communicating this reason to your manager (i.e is it in an effective way based on needs / constraints / business reasons or is it all personal to do with the employee?).

If you want to fix this and try to repair the relationship you could try setting up a meeting with manager about how you could implement a Plan, Do, Check, Act system that you all could follow.

From yesterday's example... you perhaps wouldn't have asked him last minute before the meeting because it would have been a planned task (could he have a standard list of tasks that need to be done the morning of a customer visit?)

Do... employee thought he did, but he didn't. Because all systems must account for human error, where was the check? Act, the flyer wasn't there so where was the action?

But regardless of the things that could have been done to mitigate failure in that exact scenario which may or may not have been cost effective... go to your manager, explain the mistake, and come prepared with corrective action that will prevent that failure ever happening again. New process: customers are handed a flyer and any documentation they need for visit on arrival by reception staff. (Or whoever is greeting them).

Again it could absolutely be that the manager is either incapable himself, scared of putting a foot wrong wrt the Equality Act, or bullying you. But it could equally be that he is looking for you to step up and take a more proactive approach, such as coming armed with solutions along side complaints?

But it's totally your call OP. I have no idea your level or what you get paid, so that's just one suggestion for attempting to fix this but equally I wouldn't blame you for wanting to find a new job if you have lost the motivation to improve things.

This sounds like one hell of a lot of fussing for the simple process of putting a flyer on a desk!

So the OP should plan in advance to ask him to put the flyer on the desk, put it on his calendar, check that the flyer is on the desk and if not asks him again? And what then, must she put another calendar alert in, must she check again? If the paperwork is given out by the receptionists, who gives them the correct paperwork? The OP or the useless colleague? If it’s useless college, must the OP put a calendar alert in, check he’s done it..... and so on forevermore?

It definitely sounds like he’s used some kind of disability to explain his poor performance and no management are shit scared of getting accused of discrimination.

SecondRow · 28/05/2021 13:39

Sympathies, OP, it's horrible taking the fall for other people's incompetence.

Is there any way that consequences that are immediately felt - like in parenting - would help?

So for example when you noticed the missing flyer, pause the meeting and phone him to bring one in straight away, rather than run around getting it yourself? So he has to clean up his own messes, sort of.

Could you also ask him to reflect on what went wrong and write up his own checklist that he needs to go through for each event or series of tasks?

Maybe if he has had to think about the order of tasks himself it will sink in a bit more?

mercuree · 28/05/2021 13:46

So the OP should plan in advance to ask him to put the flyer on the desk, put it on his calendar, check that the flyer is on the desk and if not asks him again? And what then, must she put another calendar alert in, must she check again? If the paperwork is given out by the receptionists, who gives them the correct paperwork? The OP or the useless colleague? If it’s useless college, must the OP put a calendar alert in, check he’s done it..... and so on forevermore?

Sorry if I wasn't clear - I was not suggesting OP do the Plan Do Check Act for him!

What I was suggesting was that (if she wants to try rebuilding a relationship with her manager) she could come to him with the suggestion of putting some standardised processes in place?

So the employee is following Plan, Do, Check, Act because that process has been implemented by management (at the Op's suggestion because she is the one who has been seeing the mistakes).

The OP maybe doesn't have to put a specific action of "put this flyer in the room" in his calendar but since the employee thought he had already done it, this is obviously some sort of process, perhaps informal, that the employee is somewhat aware of.

So instead of it being in OPs head (she verbally asked him to put the flyer in the room just before the meeting)... why not just create a standard customer visit process that the employee follows every time there is a customer visit, that has checks in place if there are serious consequences for process failures?

If a customer visit happens once in a blue moon then it's totally overkill and pointless standardising the process. But then, it's just as pointless getting worked up about that particular mistake because repeats are going to be infrequent (and thus the impact reduced). And yes OP has every right to get personally worked up about it, but in terms of impact on the business? If it is important then standardise the process so the employee can take as much responsibility as possible and human error is less likely to occur.

If the flyer is a non-issue in a business sense then focus on what is important in a business sense and implement PDCA there.

This sounds like one hell of a lot of fussing for the simple process of putting a flyer on a desk!

Absolutely 😂 In my line of work the mantra is assuming every operator is a monkey who cannot use a single bit of initiative. If an operator makes an error it is the fault of the process and not the human. Everything that could have an negative impact on profits, customer satisfaction or safety has to be mistake proofed. Obviously that is an extreme situation, but some of the concepts can be useful in all areas of business, particularly asking - is this mistake actually important? And if yes - how do we stop it happening again?

And if no (which could well be the case for a flyer!) the manager is going to see op using initiative and taking steps to at least attempt positive change. Which I actually think is the OPs biggest issue, how her manager is viewing her!

I'm also coming at this as someone who has ADHD myself and struggles with "could you just...." verbal actions at the last minute, and who makes use of PDCA myself for my own work. But luckily I work in an industry where that kind of thing doesn't happen as much. We have processes for customer visits and standardised working practices.

billy1966 · 28/05/2021 18:19

Your responsibility is to fulfill the job you are being paid to do.

Not do your colleagues job.
Not remind your colleague.
Not put up with your boss bullying you whe you colleague fxxks up.
Not to accept your boss critiquing your personality when colleague fxxks up.

I think you sound like a very patient woman.
I cannot imagine any scenario where most people would put up with this bullshit.

Whatever your colleagues issues they are NOT yours to compensate for.

Flowers
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