To find this a bit odd and slightly intrusive

[bagpuss90]

My sister was adopted - I don’t see much of her as she moved miles away from where I live .We are still in touch though. I’ve never mentioned her being adopted to my partner . Not for any reason -it just never came up. Anyway he went delving into my family history online (I’m quite into it myself) and he queried why he couldn’t find her birth record. She was given a different name when my parents adopted her at a few weeks old.
Is it me or is it slightly odd to look this up? I’d not got stuck with anything on there or said I needed help.
Partner and I have been together three years but we don’t live together. Perhaps I’m being a bit paranoid - thoughts please

That's the sort of thing my ex would have done, he was very nosy and loved to have some juicy piece of information he could use to emotionally abuse me with at some time of his choosing. Because of my experience I would be feeling uncomfortable in your shoes.

Have you spoken to your partner about it?

It does seem intrusive. I would talk to him about it.

I think it could be a bit intrusive to look into someone else’s family tree. Why is he doing it?

My FIL started looking into my family tree - which I found really strange. However we had a surname change one generation back which has stopped him getting any further! It’s intrusive because often families have things they don’t want to discuss/family secrets etc...

Very weird.

If it’s his hobby, and it sounds like it is it probably seemed quite natural to him to look up the basics of your family history. A sort of break from the more difficult delving he’s presumably reached in his. I wouldn’t find it intrusive

I’m sure someone will tell you that he’s only accessed public records which anyone can get hold of blah blah blah, but I’d find what he’s done really very strange and intrusive.

I guess it depends on why he was looking into your family tree. Personally though I do find it a bit off that you hadn't mentioned it to him before (and yes, I have an adopted sibling myself).

Not odd if you’re both into it

I think it's very weird you've been with him for 3 years and never mentioned that your sister is adopted.

If it's never come up in conversation for some reason why would you tell him, she's your sister 🤷🏽‍♀️

@Aquamarine1029

I think it's very weird you've been with him for 3 years and never mentioned that your sister is adopted.

Maybe it's not the defining characteristic about her sister? It's very odd, op. Really creepy.

I'm adopted and it does seem to be something that other people find fascinating. No idea why, I can only assume nosiness!

Dh had to have words with MIL after she found out and I was subjected to a steady stream of inappropriate questions!

It's a weird situation sometimes. If I don't mention it early on there's often an assumption that I'm trying to hide it when actually I just don't think it's a particularly interesting part of me.

God, that's just odd, Alex. I can't imagine most people would react like that at all, it's not that bizarre to be adopted?

If there is a big age gap or you don't look alike perhaps he thought you were only half siblings?

@GreyhoundG1rl

God, that's just odd, Alex. I can't imagine most people would react like that at all, it's not that bizarre to be adopted?

It appears to be a much bigger deal to other people than to me!

Although I've never been asked anything as intrusive as my parents have had over the years. I know adoptive parents who have had the most jaw dropping things said.

Like I said earlier, I mostly put it down to good old fashioned human nosiness

Like I said earlier, I mostly put it down to good old fashioned human nosiness
Well yes, there's certainly no shortage of that about!
Most people stop short of being outright rude, though. Clearly not everyone!

@Aquamarine1029

I think it's very weird you've been with him for 3 years and never mentioned that your sister is adopted.

Why should she? Nothing to do with him. She's her SISTER is all that matters.

It's creepy OP.

I think it's a bit odd that after 3 years together you've never mentioned that your Sister is adopted?

How has it not come up in conversations about your childhood etc?

@MirandaMarple

I think it's a bit odd that after 3 years together you've never mentioned that your Sister is adopted?

How has it not come up in conversations about your childhood etc?

Why would you continually discuss that one sibling was adopted ? Perhaps this is a sensitive delicate subject, and quite frankly nobody's business.

If OP's sister wishes to discuss her being adopted then that's her business.

Odd is sticking your beak in where it's not wanted.

So rude.

You knew he was researching your family history, and you were OK with it, right? In that case I wouldn't find it strange that he was asking about your sister's birth certificate, it's just an oddity he's come across and he was curious why.

On the other hand, if he started researching your family history off his own bat, without your knowledge, I would find that creepy.

It's not odd if it's one of his hobbies. I spend a lot of time on ancestry and have mapped out quite a lot of my partners family tree.

I do find it a little odd that in 3 years it's not come up that your sister is adopted though!

I'm more intrigued by the fact that you've never mentioned that your sister is adopted. Maybe you find his enquiry intrusive for the same reason you've never mentioned it. Are you always very private?

@Hotcuppatea

I'm more intrigued by the fact that you've never mentioned that your sister is adopted. Maybe you find his enquiry intrusive for the same reason you've never mentioned it. Are you always very private?

Why would anyone mention such a thing? In what context?

If he’s interested in genealogy then I don’t think it’s odd. He’s probably exhausted his own family tree and wanted a new challenge. I actually think it’s normal.