To find this a bit odd and slightly intrusive

[bagpuss90]

My sister was adopted - I don’t see much of her as she moved miles away from where I live .We are still in touch though. I’ve never mentioned her being adopted to my partner . Not for any reason -it just never came up. Anyway he went delving into my family history online (I’m quite into it myself) and he queried why he couldn’t find her birth record. She was given a different name when my parents adopted her at a few weeks old.
Is it me or is it slightly odd to look this up? I’d not got stuck with anything on there or said I needed help.
Partner and I have been together three years but we don’t live together. Perhaps I’m being a bit paranoid - thoughts please

It was odd if he started looking into your family history without your knowledge or interest.

However, it's also a bit odd not to have told a partner of 3 years basic family info.

If you are both into it saying “BTW I can’t find x’s birth record” could also be a delicate way of testing if you’re going to say “oh yeah that’s because of X...” or be surprised as well.

There’s nothing worse than finding a huge surprise on someone’s tree and realising they don’t know. I had to pretend to be too busy to do a friend’s because when I briefly looked I quickly found something I’m not prepared to be the one to bring up in case they don’t know.

I'm into family history research. I don't find anything weird about him looking up the family tree - you just start clicking on links to see what you can find. Adding correct details for brothers and sisters helps to ensure you have the right person's records.

I don't find it weird at all 🤷‍♀️ Especially as you're both into it. If I couldn't find my DH's sibling's birth record then I'd be a bit confused, too.

@sbhydrogen

I don't find it weird at all 🤷‍♀️ Especially as you're both into it. If I couldn't find my DH's sibling's birth record then I'd be a bit confused, too.

I think a DH is a bit different. But even there, I'd expect them to say "do you mind if I look up your family history?"

I don't think it's odd to be honest - he knows you!

It would be stranger if he looked up one of his neighbours or someone he didn't know. Sounds like he's just passing the time.

Maybe he's worried he's related to you!

Let me get this straight

Most people would be fine if their boyfriend said "Hey, I can't find your sister's birth information" , apropos nothing?

I’ve never told him my sister was adopted because well -I guess I never think about it. She my sister and that’s it - also thinking about I think it’s her place to tell him - not mine. It is a shared hobby -but I wouldn’t have randomly jumped in and started researching his family tree without asking if he was okay with it. Im seeing him tomorrow evening, I’m going to bring it up and see what he says .

Hope it goes all right OP. It's nice to know some people still have boundaries.

I think it depends how close you are. The fact that it bothers you suggests not close enough. If I were into this sort of thing, I wouldn't think twice about researching my partner's family, but there would have been a stage in our relationship when that would have been weird. If you're close enough, married, have children, then it becomes your family history too.

So you share an interest and he independently started looking into your family?

Nosey.
But not surprising.

I wouldn't be impressed though.

I don't think it's strange that you haven't shared this detail about your sister at all.