AIBU to think nobody can understand the pain of having been alone through COVID

[WoodSageandSeasalt]

I know it's been awful for people in all different ways but the gut wrenching sadness of having been alone without another adult to share such a difficult time is on another level.

I just feel so hurt, all through this everyone else in my life has had someone else who matters to them more than me. I haven't had a bubble because the person I wanted one with didnt love me enough and the bitterness and resentment I feel eats away at me.

I don't feel I'll ever get past it and it doesn't make me a very nice person. AIBU to think loneliness is one of the hardest things you can ever have to deal with?

@Womencanlift

I think it depends on the person. I have been on my own all the way through. Have had a bubble but that only started in July. For the first few months I was completely in my own.

For the most part I have actually really embraced the time on my own. Finding new places to walk while listening to a podcast, reading, trying new recipes, watching box sets.

In fact I have felt quite patronised when people have said, both in real life and on tv/threads on things like MN, you must have hated being in your own as I haven’t

Saying that a friend of mine is in the same situation and she has hated it. As I said it depends on the person, their circumstances and how they feel in themselves

Same. I've seen my [grown up] son once last summer [lives three hours travel away]; otherwise I've spoken to no-one in person except neighbours or shop staff.

It does depend on the type of person you are. I like my own company.

YANBU

One of the most heartwrenching things I saw, just a little window into people's lives in the scheme of it all really, but something I'll not forget- browsing the local FB town group and an elderly man was posting saying he didn't understand what he could and couldn't do, and would he get told off or fined if he went in his garden. It was the evening of one of the pishwafflespaff Boris conferences and it just brought it home to me that there were people out there who literally had to turn to some stupid FB page to find someone to talk to.

Yanbu. I can't imagine how awful it was, it'll take a longtime for some people to recover.
It is also an opportunity to decide out with the old in with the new, I'd bet a few people have felt similar although I wasn't alone I indeed to improve connections once it is over by joining things for me.

YANBU I am a single parent so luckily not completely alone but I’ve never felt lonely in my life ever until covid hit. I think it’s the thought that couple are supporting each other through it and it’s a big event that will always be remembered.

I think there are a lot of people for whom that level of isolation is their normal every day life...

I can fully imagine it op. I'm with someone and I felt alone and vulnerable when I got covid, so imagine it is much much more soul destroying if you are alone. My partner didn't get covid (or certainly didn't show symptoms). I was quite poorly, especially at nights. Nights were really bad. I really felt bad. And of course, my partner was sleeping. I couldn't explain to him or anyone really, how bad it affected me. A lot of attitudes were 'oh, it's just like a cold' etc. No, it wasn't. I just felt quite vulnerable, and scared, not really knowing what was going to happen (I got quite strange symptoms some of which I'd never experienced before).
Wishing you all the best.

I can’t imagine what it’s been like but I don’t think it’s helpful to compare and try to weigh up which experience is harder. I found out recently that an acquaintance spent the last year and a bit in an abusive relationship and I’m heartbroken about what they’ve been through, am sure they’d tell you that was harder than being alone.

I've left my flat about 5 times since last April, mostly to walk down the stairs to prop my door open for medical deliveries and once to get the first jab. That's once I've been outside the building in over a year. Disabled people seem to have been forgotten completely, I've obviously had my regular appointments stopped but my meds have also been stopped as I'm unable to get to Dr for bloodtest. Funnily enough being stuck indoors for a year barely able to walk, unable to cook so relying on mostly convenient rather than healthy food has left me in far worse health than before. I literally can't walk round the building to get to a car to go for a bloodtest, but I'm not eligible for a home bloodtest as I can't prove I'm housebound. My life would be so much easier with another person here!

I am lucky though, once a week my dad very kindly goes to the shops and drops a delivery in bags by my door so I can drag it in. Not everyone alone has this, at least once a week I've seen another person and exchanged a few words so not been completely alone. I answer way too many mumsnet theads so someone somewhere knows I exist even for a moment, and can talk on facebook with my siblings and parents occasionally. Could be worse. I do worry I'll fall or something and no one will know, or when everything is over I'll still be unable to walk and my dad will stop delivering and I don't know what I'll do then. There are far worse issues than loneliness, for me at least, and it all seems to be forgotten.

@skybluee

If I felt like this I'd move into a flatshare...

Hope you're feeling better soon.

In fairness, my single friends either moved in with a friend (not especially a lover), with family, and spent at least weekends with someone.

Lots of local families stuck with WFH and kids out of school went away with family too (some in other countries which is a problem for the companies but that's another issue).

So of course it's must be really hard if you were lonely regardless, but many single people didn't stay completely alone when they didn't want to.

Not everyone is the same and it isn’t a competition. I’m sorry you’ve had it tough but it is a global pandemic. Which means the whole planet has been challenged to varying degrees. If we were to have a ‘I have had it worse o’meter’, people who’ve died, people who are nearing the end of their lives and suddenly couldn’t be with loved ones, health care professionals working in extreme circumstances, people not getting treatment for non-Covid conditions etc would get my vote.

Maybe I come across as being harsh but this competitive ’I have had it worse’ annoys the hell out of me because to put it bluntly OP, there are far too many people on this planet who have had it significantly worse than you.

I can sympathise (to a degree, I am an introvert at heart) and I can acknowledge your distress but the global pandemic, is a moment and it will pass.

YANBU! Banning people from seeing their own family is barbaric. It shouldn't have happened.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

YANBU! Banning people from seeing their own family is barbaric. It shouldn't have happened.

don't be silly, we can see what happened in countries with no restriction. Being related doesn't provide special immunity.

I live alone, no-one has been in my house since March 2020 but I have never felt alone. It very much depends on the person, as others have said.

I would rather be alone a thousand times more than going through lockdown with an abusive/aggressive partner as many have from whom there's no escape.

People in different situations can believe theirs to be the worst which is difficult for others to understand.

GoldilocksAndTheThreePears

I don't know about your area, but in mine there were many groups of volunteers, of local groups to ensure people would NOT be left completely alone.

A lot on FB, but volunteers even dropped leaflets in every house to give contact details and help those with no internet access.

It's bad if there's nothing similar around you.

Oh no I hope I don't come across as having it harder or being competitive! Everyone has their own things to deal with, all different circumstance, I just spoke to my own. I do feel luckier than some, at least I saw a person once a week and I'm a solitary person anyway due to my disability. It's been a shite year for many people.

It's been horrendous. Was already on antidepressants but feel so low and flat, after this year of relentlessly being alone with none of the little emotional "top-ups" of normal life, I used to get from hobbies, and friends. So now things are relaxing around me, I just don't have the enthusiasm I had for life, 18 months ago.

Im not suicidal but I honestly would not give a fart if I died, I feel so invisible and immaterial.

@tattleandbagels unfortunately I live in a flat in a building with weird access, behind a row of shops so we rarely get post not directly sent to the tenants. And dominos, they seem to know where the door is! I think locally there is a group doing cooked meals in bulk to send out which I'm envious of, I've only had one cooked meal since it began (dad dropped off cooked christmas dinner in tupperware for me to heat up!) but it seems to be for the elderly or people in desperate need. I get disability and rarely spend anything beyond bills so I don't want to take a spot.

I was also in a facebook group for those immune issues or other vulnerabilities but it closed after the first lockdown. Otherwise I don't know of anything, I think people see the elderly as needing resources but I'm in my 30s and have a roof over my head so I'm not in any need.

YANBU. There is a reason solitary confinement is used as a punishment in prison.

@Heneage

It's been horrendous. Was already on antidepressants but feel so low and flat, after this year of relentlessly being alone with none of the little emotional "top-ups" of normal life, I used to get from hobbies, and friends. So now things are relaxing around me, I just don't have the enthusiasm I had for life, 18 months ago.

Im not suicidal but I honestly would not give a fart if I died, I feel so invisible and immaterial.

So hard

I hope it will come back, so difficult though

Thanks for all the kind responses and to the slightly less sympathetic ones I'd point out I didnt say my situation was worse, just that nobody who hadn't experienced it could understand how much it hurts.

Affection and human contact are important to me, maybe less so for other people. I do like my own company and I'm very grateful to the friends and family who have kept in touch, met we we could etc. But I've been close to wishing I wasn't here more than once and I feel like it's something I'll struggle to come back from - that's not looking for sympathy or playing the competitive misery card, it's just how I feel.

Also - hugs to those of you who get it and are in the same situation, I'm sorry you're hurting too.

YANBU OP.

I was lucky enough not to be on my own (I have two children, one of whom is adult) and I had my own hardships, but throughout it all I was so, so grateful that I wasn't alone.

There is a reason solitary confinement is used as a punishment in prison Exactly this.

GoldilocksAndTheThreePears

Might be worth asking the council. Our groups were just "neighbourly groups", helping anyone who needed shopping, who needed someone to make phone calls and book something, and also.. giving something to do for some people who needed to feel useful.

Local churches (of any denomination) also have similar groups. It's not right to abandon people completely , even if you just have a chit chat by the windows or on the doorstep.

I really hope you find some group local to you.

YANBU! Banning people from seeing their own family is barbaric. It shouldn't have happened.
What was the alternative? Look at the impact Christmas celebrations had from people mixing within extended families.

@Babygotblueyes

YANBU. It has not been good for anyone, but for those who are alone it has been a special kind of awful.

This, exactly. I have never felt so crushingly lonely as this time last year.