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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think nobody can understand the pain of having been alone through COVID

52 replies

WoodSageandSeasalt · 24/05/2021 17:05

I know it's been awful for people in all different ways but the gut wrenching sadness of having been alone without another adult to share such a difficult time is on another level.

I just feel so hurt, all through this everyone else in my life has had someone else who matters to them more than me. I haven't had a bubble because the person I wanted one with didnt love me enough and the bitterness and resentment I feel eats away at me.

I don't feel I'll ever get past it and it doesn't make me a very nice person. AIBU to think loneliness is one of the hardest things you can ever have to deal with?

OP posts:
MargaretFraggle · 24/05/2021 17:10

I agree OP. My DM is on her own, although I am her bubble, and I get a bit annoyed whenever someone tells me how much they enjoyed lockdown.

I know that she has found being on her own for weeks on end (I live hours away) very hard.

Flowers
atotalshambles · 24/05/2021 17:12

I think you’re right OP. Horrendous time for those living on their own xx

Taliskerskye · 24/05/2021 17:14

Do you feel more let down by the person who wouldn’t bubble with you.

Honeycombskl · 24/05/2021 17:17

I think you're right. My DP works away and I found it really difficult, but I knew I had them there so was still far more fortunate than many. He also got to come back between times away so again I was really lucky on that front. With how lonely I felt though even with that, I can't imagine how much worse it must have felt for people who didn't have that at all. I don't think it's any coincidence that the three people in my life who have developed some form of mental health issue over lockdown were all single people living alone.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/05/2021 17:18

I work with people in housing, some of whom are older or have disabilities. Before the restrictions they were doing things like learning English or going to a day centre or volunteering. Life was enough. And then suddenly it wasn't. There are two people in particular who I have kept in contact with. Those small services were a lifeline that was suddenly jerked away.

It's been really hard for people living alone. Really hard.

skybluee · 24/05/2021 17:18

If I felt like this I'd move into a flatshare...

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Womencanlift · 24/05/2021 17:20

I think it depends on the person. I have been on my own all the way through. Have had a bubble but that only started in July. For the first few months I was completely in my own.

For the most part I have actually really embraced the time on my own. Finding new places to walk while listening to a podcast, reading, trying new recipes, watching box sets.

In fact I have felt quite patronised when people have said, both in real life and on tv/threads on things like MN, you must have hated being in your own as I haven’t

Saying that a friend of mine is in the same situation and she has hated it. As I said it depends on the person, their circumstances and how they feel in themselves

Happycat1212 · 24/05/2021 17:22

I’m a lone parent and I found it hard tbh but then I read married people or people in relationships saying how hard they were finding it and wished they lived alone🤔

MoreCheeseVicar · 24/05/2021 17:22

It's very hurtful when you think you mean something in people's lives and they don't include you. I think your feelings are natural. Did they keep in contact by phone?
It has been a strange time for most people I think . You wanted to see people but were unable to make plans as things changed almost daily at times

Blankspace101 · 24/05/2021 17:23

YANBU Flowers

Dazedandconfused10 · 24/05/2021 17:25

@skybluee moving into a flatshare is not an option for me, I have a mortgage to pay.

Twickerhun · 24/05/2021 17:26

YANBU at all. Covid has been horrific on many many people and being alone must have been incredibly tough. Flowers

MarshaBradyo · 24/05/2021 17:27

Yanbu at all

newnortherner111 · 24/05/2021 17:31

It does depend on the person I think, not that it lessens the pain for those who it has been difficult for.

GiveMeNovocain · 24/05/2021 17:31

It sounds awful. There should have been far more flexibility for people living alone especially as lockdown went on and on. Also for carers who may have not lived alone, but needed a bit of support to keep going and children who need peer contact. Isolating people like this must have caused so much avoidable ill health and cost people many healthy life years off life expectancy as loneliness is terrible for your health. I strongly believe restrictions should be sustainable, proportionate and humane. They should be for the minimum time possible and focus on maximising all rights with clear outcomes and measures for lifting. Lockdown has not met a single requirement for good public policy. I'm sorry that you suffered so much.

GiveMeNovocain · 24/05/2021 17:33

@skybluee

If I felt like this I'd move into a flatshare...

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Really? When you were constantly told it would just be a bit longer? A few weeks? The final lockdown? You'd give up your home and move in with strangers? I don't think I know anyone who would have done this.
SleepingStandingUp · 24/05/2021 17:34

YANBU of course,most people can't really understand the pain of going through something painful unless they have some experience of it. There's lots of Covid and other experiences I don't really understand the pain of. I don't think it should make you bitter and resentful towards everyone though because one person let you down. I hope you've cleared them out of your life and know you deserve better

newnortherner111 · 24/05/2021 17:35

@GiveMeNovocain a valid point given that uncertainty makes any bad situation worse.

Streamingbannersofdawn · 24/05/2021 17:37

My Mum has been alone and found it horrendous. She was in a bubble with my brother (also single) but he has to work and its been really tough on her. I've noticed how much happier she has been now that she is able to go for a coffee with my aunt or meet a friend now.

YANBU at all.

This isn't the same but some friends that I was very close to just seemed to completely drop me. Not available for a Zoom, didn't want to walk with me when we could. When we did talk they would go on and on about how great it was to be home and not have other people around or need to go out...until they wanted to book me for babysitting later in the year of course. I found that so hard and I also struggle with feeling like that makes me a horrible person. I cant see them the same way now.

applesandoranges221 · 24/05/2021 17:38

Absolutely. And the part that makes me unreasonably, furiously angry, was all the smug fuckwits who then lectured me about breaking the rules so I could have the level of social contact they were having EVERY DAY.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 24/05/2021 17:39

Its been terrible.

I found out a workmate of mine (I don't know her well) had moved to my area just before first lockdown. Its a National organisation with a lot of working from home, previously she lived in Norfolk. She had been on her own all the way through. I bubbled with her from the second lockdown and now we are good friends.

I hated the idea of her being alone.. and that was someone I barely knew.

MadeOfStarStuff · 24/05/2021 17:41

YANBU

I love living on my own, I’m very happy in my own company. But not seeing anyone I care about for months on end absolutely broke me. I’m now back in the office and see my best friend regularly but there were times I went months not seeing anyone i knew and it was bone crushingly lonely.

My mum cheerfully tells me she hasn’t missed seeing people and I have to bite my lip not to snap back “well no because you live with someone you love and can have affection any time you want!”

FinallyHere · 24/05/2021 17:41

Absolutely get the pain of there being someone who did not love or care enough for you. I think that is worse than just nit having s as no one who is special for you.

If there were no one for me to love, I am pretty sure that I would prefer to be alone and on my own rather than being with someone who I didn't like very much or even a stranger as in a flat share.

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 24/05/2021 17:47

YANBU.

I have been lucky to have a partner and child during lockdown. But even then I struggled with the isolation. If I'd been on my own this whole time, I'd be utterly broken by now.

Babygotblueyes · 24/05/2021 17:50

YANBU. It has not been good for anyone, but for those who are alone it has been a special kind of awful.