To think co sleeping isn’t the answer to all sleep problems?

[Sheeeeeep]

Light hearted. Sort of.

Every time sleep problems are mentioned here co sleeping is suggested - just that, usually ‘have you considered co sleeping?’ which seems to suggest it will sort out any issues.

After numerous wake ups, in desperation I took dd (nearly 6 months) into bed with me.

She continued windmilling her arms around punching me in the face, making ‘eh, eh, eh’ noises, and then when she DID eventually go to sleep, I was terrified to even move!

What am I missing? Why is it the known answer to any wakeful babies?

Never ever worked for me. He just would never even lie still and I didn't want to go to bed at 7pm!

We have a superking bed and that helps as there’s still plenty of room.

I’ve always co-slept with mine as babies. They didn’t struggle to move to their own beds as toddlers at all so it’s never caused issues and they’re all pretty well rounded kids. It was the answer for me, I don’t think I’d have stuck at BFing for as long as I did without co-sleeping.

I accept it isn’t for everyone though obviously. It is quite intrusive I suppose, they’re always there in the middle of you and it does affect intimacy with your partner.

I co slept with my first until she was about 9 months, then transitioned into a cot in the same room, then her own room and she is a great sleeper.

I'm now co sleeping my my second too. She goes down in a cot in her room for naps during the day but is in with us at night for ease of feeding and so she doesn't wake her sister when she wakes in the night.

There are plenty of benefits to cosleeping, some studies have shown that it's good for babies development and emotional regulation and when done safely reduces some of the risk factors for sids. A huge benefit for us is that everyone gets more sleep

Quite a few friends have also co slept and none of us have had any major issues eventually getting them to sleep in their own beds.

All kids are different and just because you don’t cosleep with them when they are babies does not mean they won’t be interested in sleeping in your bed when you’re older! I coslept with DS for the whole of his first year from birth but since 1 he has been in his own room with no issues. He’s now 3 and in a bed and actively refuses to sleep in our bed (eg if I’ve suggested it when he’s ill). By contrast, some of our NCT group refused to have their babies in bed but now their toddlers/preschoolers are in and out of their beds all night. It’s a combination of your child’s personality and what you as the parent are willing to accept.

I coslept because I was breastfeeding and it meant I didn’t even have to sit up in bed to feed, which meant both baby and I could do the night feeds basically asleep. I’ve had 2 Velcro babies who love the closeness and we’ve all got much more sleep than if I had to sit up, get out of bed, get the baby out of a cot and then stay sitting up awake for the duration of the feed and then try to settle them back in again. Downsides are lack of personal space but in the early months I prioritised sleep.

My second is 6 months now and I’m going to transition her to her cot as I’d like to be able to stretch out a bit more in bed! It’s not an all or nothing thing. If it doesn’t work then try something else.

Ds2 would have loved to cosleep but as his idea of being close to me was to clamp himself to my head it didnt help me get a good night's sleep at all. So yeah, not an option.

Any of DC sleep problems that were solved by co-sleeping were wiped out by the grown-up sleep problems that suddenly appeared. I can't stand it.

It works for many but creates a whole new set of sleeping problems, my DC still wake in the nights for a visit. I wish I'd gone for the cry to sleep method in their own room now.

We co sleep. My 4.5 month old gets much better sleep, as do I. I feel like I'll need to sleep train her to get her in her crib though. Sone kids never magically decide to sleep in their beds.

When advice is asked for people can only advise what worked for them.

Not surprising co-sleeping works for many and so gets suggested often 🤷‍♀️. It worked for us (with a huge superking bed that takes up most of the room and dh ending up in the spare room so we all had enough space without being kicked).

What is the cut off though? I have no issue with little ones co-sleeping, but when an acquaintance slept with her three kids and the eldest is ten I may have raised an eyebrow...

I think really the thing is babies in general don’t sleep well (for long lengths) and we are all just looking for ways to survive the first year/18 months plus. With my first I tried all sorts of things to encourage him to sleep but none of them worked, he just sort of clicked once he was about 14 mo and with DC2 I didn’t bother trying because I’d come to the conclusion it’s a developmental thing, he figured it out around 18mo. We coslept because overall if did result in more sleep! And I went back to work full time with both at 6mo. It’s tough but it will pass, but in the meantime

Well this is the thing. If it works, why would you volunteer for the hassle of changing it up with kids who don't want to be booted out of the family bed?

I actually just remembered I worked with a woman once who was still co sleeping with her 10 year old boy. She was a single mum so it was easy as there was room. I didn't really judge, I presume he eventually stopped of his own accord.

I hope!

It'd drive me crackers though.

Does it work for many though? Or is it an online thing?

For me, co sleeping has been awesome. Mainly because I still BF so if he is crying in his crib, I take him in with me, he has a quick feed and is asleep in minutes.
The alternative is picking up, rocking etc which isn't guaranteed to get him to sleep and can take half an hour. Then when I try to put him back in the crib he wakes up again. No thanks!

I only slept with my children a few times but I hated it. I was terrified and barely slept and they'd be kicking and waving their arms around. When they did fall asleep they would somehow (despite being babies) take up about 70%of the bed!
We've done controlled crying with all our 3, once they hit six months.. Worked for us.

Yanbu
Dd would shriek, grunt, thrash around, roll whenever the sleep deprivation drove me to attempt co sleeping.
I went all ‘mama bear protect the nest’ too and couldn’t sleep a wink even when she was quiet, usually just before an enormous teething poo explosion.
She hated the sling too which was the other thing I was almost bullied into trying. She absolutely loathed it as she got far too hot, and would spite shite a poocano which I remember once dripping out everywhere from the bastard sling when I was a mile from home on a warm sunny day 🤢
When she got angry, her bottom would get angry too

Oh and as some PPs have said, we have a Super King bed. Don't think it would work with anything smaller.

Co-sleeping only works for us because my 7 month old sleeps like a plank and doesn't move in the night. I can put her in our bed and slip downstairs for an hour or two before her first wake up.

I co-slept with my youngest in a double in her room for a few years. I’d take her upstairs, get into bed, feed her to sleep, get up go downstairs for the rest of my evening, go to bed with DP, get in to bed with her when she first woke. Gradually she stopped feeding to sleep and just having a cuddle in bed was enough. And gradually she’s stopped waking in the night and now sleeps through most nights. It’s been completely painless for us, my only regret is that I spent so much time trying to get my oldest to sleep in a cot.

Btw, the best advice I ever received on mumsnet was - don’t worry about doing something because it might cause problems down the line, if it’s working for you now: great! IF it becomes a problem later (and it might never become a problem) then deal with it then.

It’s very personal & you just have to find what works for you. If something doesn’t work for you, there’s no shame in doing something else. The only people that matter are you and your kid.

@Crispyturtle I have just said something similar to Btw, the best advice I ever received on mumsnet was - don’t worry about doing something because it might cause problems down the line, if it’s working for you now: great! IF it becomes a problem later (and it might never become a problem) then deal with it then. to my DH.

You try and “break” one habit and they only develop a new one in a diff area, there’s just new phases after new phases. Nothing stays the same for long.

Co-sleeping solved all my sleep problems with my kids... In fact, after i discovered it we didn't have any sleep problems at all. I swear by it!

I have never co-slept with any of my three DC. I was extremely fortunate that slept through the night at 8 weeks and for 12 hours a night at 12 weeks. They were all such different babies and I did a mixture of bottle snd breast feeding but they all had the same sleep pattern. I didn’t get any sleep regression luckily.

YANBU

different strokes for different folks.