To think co sleeping isn’t the answer to all sleep problems?

[Sheeeeeep]

Light hearted. Sort of.

Every time sleep problems are mentioned here co sleeping is suggested - just that, usually ‘have you considered co sleeping?’ which seems to suggest it will sort out any issues.

After numerous wake ups, in desperation I took dd (nearly 6 months) into bed with me.

She continued windmilling her arms around punching me in the face, making ‘eh, eh, eh’ noises, and then when she DID eventually go to sleep, I was terrified to even move!

What am I missing? Why is it the known answer to any wakeful babies?

I never planned on co-sleeping but it's what my dd needed. Night 3, back in the hospital, she spent the night screaming unless I held her. I was told she needed milk but she didn't, she just needed me. I ended up sitting up with her from half five.

The next night she was slightly better but I'd got very little sleep, so when I was told she was cold and needed skin-to-skin I knew what would happen. We spent 2 hours co-sleeping on the ward. I tried a cot when at home but she was having none of it.

When young she'd fall asleep on one of us til I was ready for bed. At some point we'd put her, asleep, into bed when she fell asleep and she'd be fine til I went through.

Can imagine not all babies would want this but mine definitely does.

Because they're my friends/relations and obviously we've had extensive conversations about this stuff with them?

I think cosleeping gets suggested because, although it's not the societal norm, it is both the biological norm (look at all the other mammals) and the historical norm (the idea of putting a baby it it's own crib to sleep in is not very common until quite recently, and then only in specific parts of the world).

Well, now you have tried co-sleeping

Surely until you try something you’re not going to know if it works? It worked for me, so if you asked me for advice, yes I’d probably suggest it?

Time but see that’s totally normal (though exhausting!) but I don’t know how co sleeping solves it because you still put your baby down?

So in the very early days with dd it made no difference if she went down in the bed next to me or the crib next to me, she was still being put down, and she did not like it

There have also been threads where those who are co sleeping end up in.a situation where they have tried and failed to get their kid into a bed/cot and now have a deadline of trying to do so befire the next baby is born and working out the ways to do this which won't leave the toddler linking being kicked out out bed with the new baby's arrival.

Something else to consider

@ElspethFlashman

Because they're my friends/relations and obviously we've had extensive conversations about this stuff with them?

Then those men should have stepped up rather than whinging now that they have to go and sleep in a ‘princess’ bed.

I think it helps to have a really big bed. We co-slept with a super king with a cot bed strapped on the side, it was a vast space and I could move away from the babies a bit if I couldn't forklift them into the cot.

I think it's not the most comfortable but sometimes the best you can do. It meant when I was breastfeeding I could just whack a nipple out at the first snuffle and then no one woke fully and DH didn't wake at all. Once DC got to a size where I couldn't curl round them comfortably and they would kick, it was less comfortable and we started thinking about sleep training.

For a while when they were feeding through the night, it was definitely better. I can't think of anything worse than co-sleeping with a toddler though!

Wow you're nice.

awesome but did you hold your ds as you co slept? This is where I think I am missing something - how did the arrangement work?

It took a bit of adjusting, but I would sleep on my side, DS’s head at my breast level. My arm underneath me would be straight out over his head, my legs bent at my hips so my thighs were below his feet and my other arm lightly placed on his leg or waist. So you are mostly letting them sleep independently without touching them, but you kind of make a loose barrier all around them with you body. Does that make sense?

I don’t think cosleeping is the be all, but it really did save my sanity and once we got into the habit, it was actually really lovely waking in the night and just seeing his little face.

@ElspethFlashman

Wow you're nice.

For expecting men to parent their children? Ok.

I guess being a Twat isn't just a Bing thing.

It makes sense but was it comfortable? It sounds horrific!

With my first co-sleeping worked a great for him he’d sleep through no issues from fairly early on. I barely slept however as he would squeeze right into me and I’d end up with 2 inches of bed to sleep on. However it made the days easier as he was better rested, napped better etc.

Second DC have tried it with (hes 9 weeks) and it didn’t make a blind bit of difference. I ended up putting the side back on the cozee crib, and moved it away from the bed which has improved his sleep no end.

So it may work and it’s a good suggestion - lots of mums don’t realise you can co sleep safely, so I will continue to suggest it when a mum is struggling.

Mind you I toss and turn a fair bit before settling.

@ElspethFlashman

I guess being a Twat isn't just a Bing thing.

Clearly not. Those men have it covered too.

I agree with the fact that u don't get to maintain about it if you are doing nothing to resolve it and laying it all at the foot of the mother.

But adults being chucked out theor own bed or taking it in turns to go to bed at 7 with the baby , that's a real obstacle fir relationships and even friendships I mean not being able to go out together with friends or being tied to watching netflix on your phone with headphones at 800 so the baby can sleep. We'll that's a sacrifice jot all are prepared to make and again something something consider

Moan about it

My toddler never co-slept. Like your little girl he just didn’t settle and thought the company was great and it was party time.

He’s now 2 years 2 months and as he’s in a toddler bed he has just started getting up early and coming into our bed and going back to sleep. So actually it works better for us than before when we would go through and settle him and end up falling asleep on his floor.

I know lots of people who get more sleep co-sleeping, but as you say it isn’t one size fits all.

There’s a balance. I mean, it isn’t forever and I don’t mind sleeping with DD next to me in a crib or cot, but I’m not really sure how that’s notably different to safe co sleeping except that we both have our own space.

I will add that toddler DS went into his own bed no problem age 2, and has slept through solidly since. Nothing wakes that kid up!

@Sheeeeeep

It makes sense but was it comfortable? It sounds horrific!

Haha. It wasn’t too bad actually. I usually end up pulling my legs into my body when sleeping so it wasn’t that different. The arm felt a bit strange but a couple of weeks in I was used to it and most importantly, sleeping!

No idea if I’d do it again if I were to have another DC but it really was a lifesaver. DS is pretty independent now too (almost 4) and prefers his own bed for sleeping.

@ElspethFlashman

Incidentally anycrispsleft DS has ADHD and sensory issues. To this day he's a perpetual fidgeter and grabber and very dyspraxic. No wonder we couldn't sleep with him!

DD2 was exactly the same. It's still like a wrestling match if you sit next to her. She never stops moving! The last time she came into my bed was on the first morning before school started last year and she just wriggled and talked for two solid hours.

I hated bed sharing with a baby, but actually really enjoy it now he’s a toddler. I keep thinking it’s not forever and just enjoy the cuddles.

I hate co-sleeping in our bed, it feels like a bad holiday where nobody gets any sleep and everyone is resentful. Other people swear by it - maybe their kids are less thrashy in the night.

I did my fair share of sleeping in toddler beds and on the floor. The game changer for us was a trundle bed that pulled out so we could be in the room asleep but not in the bed. We could then phase this out...