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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep dd off school because of her periods

88 replies

WildWestWanda · 23/05/2021 18:29

Dd11 started her periods a month ago and her first was very light.

She is now on her period for the second time and although she isn’t losing a huge amount of blood this one is heavier than the first.

She is upset and anxious about not being able to manage it at school, she is very worried that her pad will leak. I know she will ultimately have to get use to having periods and being in school but aibu to keep her off tomorrow to give her time to get use to it and for her to see that her pad isn’t going to leak?

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 23/05/2021 19:38

My daughter started her periods at 9, I’ve never kept her off school for her periods.
The school were very supportive, lots of primary school girls have periods … she had pads in her bag, and a change of clothing in school (just in case). Periods aren’t going anywhere, so they just need to learn to manage them.

Hankunamatata · 23/05/2021 19:39

Period pants and she could take ibuprofen to lighten the flow. I wouldnt keep her off school. Better to bite bullet and get on with it.

BetterThanKleenex · 23/05/2021 19:44

At most, keep her off for one day but take her out somewhere- a walk, a park, food shopping. It'll make her consider how to prepare, plan ahead and work out what works best for her. Stay local and near loos if possible. It's completely sensible to be sensitive to her- she's allowed to be worried, periods for most people are rubbish!

Maybe take her shopping to look at different products- Primark do period pants apparently- they might work to try. Also work out what painkillers help her. You don't have to just send her off to deal with it as PPs have suggested. She's allowed to feel a bit sorry for herself!

Also encourage her to sort out a period pack for school- spare underwear, SanPro, meds, even a little bar of chocolate if it helps.

IEat · 23/05/2021 19:46

Period pants are just a life saver , my DD has heavy periods. No odour , no staining through on clothes . £18 a pair so not cheap but come highly recommended

sparemonitor · 23/05/2021 19:46

Get her some period pants from modi bodi, they are great. No reason for any teenage girl to use horrible uncomfortable pads these days.

toocold54 · 23/05/2021 19:46

She’s not going to be able to concentrate at school anyway so I’d just keep her off. Many teachers don’t allow students going to the toilet during lesson so it’s just not worth the risk when she’s getting used to her period. Just phone the school and say she’s ill and keep her off for a day or 2.

Barton10 · 23/05/2021 19:48

I would keep her off I was lucky I started mine during the school holidays and I found it quite scary to start off.

itsgettingwierd · 23/05/2021 19:54

Yeah let her stay home. She won't learn much anyway if she's focusing on her period.

Have you considered getting her period pants? They really are life changing and also cover a larger area so are much more reassuring. You also don't worry about a pad falling out or slipping too far back or forward.

She can always take some and change at lunchtime if needed or if she feel more comfy.

freeez · 23/05/2021 19:55

I'd keep her off, she's still at primary school, she's only a child. Hope she gets on with the period pants.

Tiffanny · 23/05/2021 19:59

Awwwh. She's only 11. I think given her age you could keep her home. I bet none of her friends have periods yet

Wearywithteens · 23/05/2021 20:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 23/05/2021 20:33

For her second one ever, I'd say call her in sick with tummy pains. The first few can be brutal for them.

Shopliftersoftheworldunite · 23/05/2021 20:42

I think this is totally unreasonable. I have hideous periods and always have done (like medical intervention level of awful) but I’ve literally never missed a day of work because of them. Teach your daughter that they’re a fact of life and you just need to crack on.

toocold54 · 23/05/2021 20:43

I think this is totally unreasonable. I have hideous periods and always have done (like medical intervention level of awful) but I’ve literally never missed a day of work because of them. Teach your daughter that they’re a fact of life and you just need to crack on.

An adult at work vs a child at school is slightly different Confused

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 23/05/2021 20:44

@Shopliftersoftheworldunite

I think this is totally unreasonable. I have hideous periods and always have done (like medical intervention level of awful) but I’ve literally never missed a day of work because of them. Teach your daughter that they’re a fact of life and you just need to crack on.
They are - but just because you still managed to go to work with them (as have I), that doesn't mean a junior school child needs to be told to suck it up on their first 'proper' period.
ittakes2 · 23/05/2021 20:49

Honestly, ignore the people saying she will need to get used to it anyway - of course she is but as you say she can take a day to realise she will not leak. I bought my daughter period pants and she goes to school with these on plus a pad and then takes the pad out during the day.

RainyDay2020 · 23/05/2021 20:50

Realistically, how much is she going to learn if she is stressed and panicking all day about bleeding through the pad etc.
I remember the worry of that myself, took a few months to get used to it and I was much older than your DD.
I still stress about it now and I’m in my 40’s so completely understand how an 11 year old would find it tough bless her.
I’ve heard good things about period pants for younger girls - maybe do some research on those?

AlwaysLatte · 23/05/2021 20:53

Boys here but if they had been girls and very anxious I would have kept them home just that first few days to make sure they felt confident before going into school.

onemorenumber · 23/05/2021 20:56

If she's really that anxious, there might be a genuine reason for it - she might not have got the hang of where to best position the pads and knows there is a strong risk of blood leaking. I'd be happy to keep her off for a day or two for her first heavy period as long as it was made clear this was a one-off and wouldn't be happening every month. She has to learn how to deal with them, but she's allowed to take a moment to figure out how.

Have you bought her more than one brand/style to try? (When I was her age, pads without wings were a disaster, and they had to be the extra long night ones too.)

What's the plan for taking pads into the toilets at school without everyone noticing? (It became easier when I started using tampons as I'd keep a spare one shoved down my bra, but it was harder to smuggle pads into the toilets.)

What does she do if she needs to go to the toilet urgently? Does the school have a policy on kids leaving classes part-way through to go to the toilet? (I went during break times, of course I did, but sometimes there would be a sudden gush - periods were much more unpredictable when they were new.)

Have you discussed tampons? (My mother was really against these, but I found tampons + pads made my heaviest days more bearable. If I didn't get to the tampon in time and it started to leak, it was leaking into a pad, so I was still good. Some women are strangely against tampons, but if you're old enough to bleed, you're old enough to use one. I could never get the hang of applicator ones though - I only used the non-applicator ones.)

Keep her off, but go out and buy her some different sanpro to experiment with, so she uses the time usefully.

Wanttocryatthecost · 23/05/2021 21:16

@AlmostSummer21

These are moments your DD will remember forever, the moments you showed her you had her back & did what was right for her, or not.

Keep her home, let her work this out when she's not scared of blood on her skirt at school or whatever.

Couldn’t have worded this better.
Whosaidcake · 23/05/2021 21:24

I started my periods at 9.

The days I was in school were awful.. i remember one month my period came when was unprepared and in school. We didn't have uniform back them and I remember leaking through and my orange skirt had a massive stain and telling everyone I had accidently sat on a felt tipped pen.

I really wished I could have stayed home during those days.

Do what you feel is best..she is still young and starting periods is quite a daunting thing.

Whosaidcake · 23/05/2021 21:25

(Ignore typos!)

thecatwithnoeyes · 23/05/2021 21:36

@Shopliftersoftheworldunite

I think this is totally unreasonable. I have hideous periods and always have done (like medical intervention level of awful) but I’ve literally never missed a day of work because of them. Teach your daughter that they’re a fact of life and you just need to crack on.

What a hero Hmm

ChicChaos · 23/05/2021 21:48

My DD also started in Yr6, luckily on an INSET day at home - I rang the school to find out where the sanitary bins were (in the girls Yr6 toilets) and then I took her to our local supermarket and got her to change her pad in the toilets there and use the sanitary bin.

DD's school also told me that they kept spare pads at their Reception desk so she could always go and ask for some if she needed any. Also, she could keep some spares in her gym kit at school if that stays there all the time.

Even though we are a few years down the line now, I will get her some of those period pants as they will be really handy on heavy days or when she is about to start. I had no idea that Primark and Sainsburys did them too.

If she's worried OP, keep her off.

JumpLeadsForTwo · 23/05/2021 21:50

I did this - DD had her 1st period in the half term, managed though it was really heavy, and several accidents. She started her 2nd and was due to have PE half way through the day. She was so upset about it, I agreed she could have that day off to get used to it. Many periods later, she hasn't needed a day off since - period pants have really helped. I'm also a "into school unless you need admitting to hospital" kind of mum, but she really benefited from me backing her up in this.