To keep dd off school because of her periods

[WildWestWanda]

Dd11 started her periods a month ago and her first was very light.

She is now on her period for the second time and although she isn’t losing a huge amount of blood this one is heavier than the first.

She is upset and anxious about not being able to manage it at school, she is very worried that her pad will leak. I know she will ultimately have to get use to having periods and being in school but aibu to keep her off tomorrow to give her time to get use to it and for her to see that her pad isn’t going to leak?

Buy some period pants so she feels extra secure for next time, keep her home if you genuinely feels she needs it this time, but don't let it become a habit as she'll unfortunately have a long time to deal with the Joy's of womanhood

I was humming and ha-ing till I read she was still only in year 6. I would keep her off and help her see that it will be ok.

She's only young still.

The Sainsburys ones are brilliant dd doesn't even need a pad with those and they have never leaked and they are half the price of modibodi and Thinx

I think she should be in school. Its a period, shes not ill and she needs to learn its normal and will happen every month. By keeping her off you are playing into her fears that it is something she should be embarrassed and worried about. Definitely invest in period pants primark now do some and get her a discreet little wash bag with spare pads and pants in she can keep in her school bag.

@nameychange

Going to second period pants. They’re fab both my Dds use them and swear by them. Modibodi do a teen range too. Mine two have the maxi 24h ones and then don’t worry at all

Could you possibly post a link?

Thank you!

My Dd is year 7 and yet to start but think it won't be long.

@WildWestWanda

Thank you for all your replies. I will definitely be keeping her off. I’ve never heard of period pants but will look for some

Primark sells them for £6 a pair or three pairs for about £16. No idea how good they are though.

@AlmostSummer21

These are moments your DD will remember forever, the moments you showed her you had her back & did what was right for her, or not.

Keep her home, let her work this out when she's not scared of blood on her skirt at school or whatever.

100% this.

YES keep her off! A silver lining of lockdown was that DD had her 1st, 2nd and 3rd period at home. She bled through her jeans a couple of times and now knows how to deal with it and can confidently go to school to do that.

It’s archaic and mean to say that they should go in regardless. Poor young girls bleeding for the first time is a massive shock and can be really destabilising.

Period pants, wipes, spare pants, ibuprofen for school but the first time... yes, home.

Hi

My 15 year old dd has these ones - www.modibodi.co.uk/collections/maxi-24hrs-absorbency/products/classic-bikini-maxi-24hrs

My 18 year old dd has these - www.modibodi.co.uk/collections/maxi-24hrs-absorbency/products/sensual-hi-waist-bikini-maxi-24hrs

They seem true to size and both girls say they’re great

The teen range didn’t have the maxi absorbency when we got them but they now do the 24h maxi too - www.modibodi.co.uk/collections/red-maxi-24hrs-absorbency

They went for the maxi absorbency just to avoid having to change them at school and for reassurance

Keep her home and get her some period pants .

@WildWestWanda

She is year 6 and we have spoken lots about how to manage it at school. She’s just in a bit of a panic at the moment. I think once she’s had a day or two to see that she isn’t going to leak if she changes her pad regularly then she will feel calmer

Bless her she’s so young. She will absolutely remember your compassion and empathy if you let her have a day off. She’ll probably grow in confidence as the months go on.

OP you have made flipping excellent calls here. Keeping her off but also to start the thread and hence learn of period pants. A brilliant mother award for you and medals to all posters for support and advice. Mumsnet at its finest!

Thank you for all the recommendations and links. I’m going to sit down with her now and have a look

I hope you are able to follow up on the suggestions made so it is the only time your DD misses school because of her period.

I’d keep her off too. Be a bit wary of the period pants, I’ve never used them myself but there was a thread the other day where some had leaked through to clothing.

@SummerHouse thank you for such a lovely message

I would keep her off, it would be so much less stressful for her just to be at home to see how it goes and get used to how often she needs to change her pad. Also if she has any cramps, you can see what she needs in the way of painkillers. I hope she's OK.

Nope, you need to calmly emphasise periods are just another routine. Send her with plenty of pads and spare pants in a discreet bag, and suggest she change a pad at morning break, lunch time, end of school. Remind her where/how to dispose of used pad.

For next month, offer her some period pants for added security. and find a pretty pencil case which she can use for discreetly storing pads.

OP: I can understand you wanting to let her stay home to get accustomed to this new experience, but will that really help her? Having periods is normal, all us women go through it. It doesn't make us special or in need of special care - we all know that staying at home, feeling comfortable, probably in jammies, having a hot water bottle, Mummy spoiling her and making her feel she needs special care will not help her. Isn't it better to say "ow wow, super, you know what needs to be done because we have talked about this and discussed this with so it is not a surprise"
Make sure she has enough hygiene stuff that she needs with her and let her get on with it - she will have support from her school friends.
I'm not sayng abandon her totally, but please don't make this about her ever being the only girl in the world ever to a period.

thread on period pants

I agree OP that it's a good idea to keep her off to give her a day to get used to managing it in safe surroundings. I disagree with PP who say that she just has to get on with it- she's very young and understandably scared of bleeding through, once she feels confident that she can manage it I'm sure she'll feel comfortable at school. It's well worth a day off school so that she can start off with confidence.

Yes to period pants! I just started using them this year at 33 and they are a total game changer.

Best of luck to your DD, she's really lucky to have such an understanding and supportive mum.

Definitely buy some period pants, my daughter was in y6 starting too.

Yabu, your DD will need to learn how to deal with them as she has a long stretch ahead of her.

Really don't understand people saying oh just send her in it's normal. She's still a young child having to deal with a massive change in her body.

She needs time at home in a safe place to build her confidence. It's absolutely something she will remember for life if it goes wrong and she's caught out at school.

OP I'm so glad you're doing the right thing by your daughter. You're a wonderful mum x