Dsis should continue with house sale?

[supersop60]

Background. My BIL had a protracted affair about 7 years ago, and treated my dsis appallingly, including refusing to leave when she asked him. They are still in the same house, affair over but basically living separate lives. They have decided, finally to sell the house, done it up, estate agents chosen, photos done, ready to 'launch' June 5th.
10 days ago BIL had a stroke.
Dsis is tying herself in knots trying to decide what to do - what she is 'supposed' to do, where he's going to live etc.
Her DC, (33, 30 and 23)while wanting to support, are actually not helping.
I may have to drip feed if you have questions, sorry. I can't order my thoughts properly.
AIBU to tell dsis that she should continue with the house sale? They were on the point of properly separating and downsizing. I don't think she should be forced to stay with him and care for him in an expensive house.
He's 64, she's 58

Why is there such a rush to get him discharged? What’s his dd hoping to achieve by spending all this money?

If she starts caring it won’t ever end. I wouldn’t be there when he got home and I’d try to make sure children know before he leaves hospital… but I’d still not be there regardless. Dc have made this a nightmare, please ensure it’s their nightmare

Dsis needs to physically leave. DD1 seems to be assuming Dsis will be doing the caring for a man who treated her terribly and is no longer her partner - screw that.

DD1 wanted him to be discharged early, it's up to DD1 to sort out what comes next.

Absolutely baffled by the responses here. Yes, YABU, obviously. It's none of your business and you have absolutely no right whatsoever "to tell dsis that she should continue with the house sale". It's HER decision, not yours.

@ThatChristinaAguileraSong

Absolutely baffled by the responses here. Yes, YABU, obviously. It's none of your business and you have absolutely no right whatsoever "to tell dsis that she should continue with the house sale". It's HER decision, not yours.

Er, OP has never said she has the right to to tell her sister what to do.

What on earth are you on about?!

Could your DSis come to you for a few weeks?

I've offered her our spare room and we can cope with her dog. I don't think she'll come.
I haven't had today's update yet. Bil has been home for 24 hours, and was much calmer and happier yesterday.
DD1 has loads of money - she's worked her way up fast in her business, and can easily afford to pay for her DFs care. I'm very cross with her for overriding her mother's wishes. I wish they'd split up years ago - she wasn't strong enough, and kept hoping to reconcile.

@supersop60

Update: bil is self discharging today, enabled by dd1 who is paying for private ambulance, private physio and therapist, plus equipment. So he'll be at home while waiting for a place at a local rehab centre. I asked dsis if she was checking into a Travelodge. No reply yet.

WTAF???

This must be so frustrating for you to watch - I want to go round and scream at them all and I'd never heard of them before this evening, goodness knows how you must feel.

@mainsfed I directly quoted exactly what OP said word for word. How can you come back and say "OP never said that". She said EXACTLY that.

[quote Babbly]@mainsfed I directly quoted exactly what OP said word for word. How can you come back and say "OP never said that". She said EXACTLY that.[/quote]
Yes, I did use those words. But that doesn't mean I'm telling her what to do.

@supersop60 But you would be telling her what to do if you told her what to do. And you asked whether it would be unreasonable for you to tell her what to do...

Name change fail @Babbly @ThatChristinaAguileraSong ?

No, you implied OP is saying she has ‘the right’ to tell her sister what to do, whereas it’s clear to the rest of us that OP just wants to know how to advise her sister.

@mainsfed

Name change fail *@Babbly* *@ThatChristinaAguileraSong* ?

No, you implied OP is saying she has ‘the right’ to tell her sister what to do, whereas it’s clear to the rest of us that OP just wants to know how to advise her sister.

If she doesn't think she has the right to do it then why is she planning to do it?!

She should carry on with the plan.

He was a cheating shit and he’s still A cheating shit, him having a stroke doesn’t change that

Update. BiL is making good progress. Thank God. He's having physio 3 times a week, and working hard in between visits. Not walking yet, but can manage the loo by himself and feed himself. The three DC are helping out a lot. I asked what the plan was re the house, and dsis says they've postponed things for 2 weeks, and will reassess then. She wants Bil to be well enough to be out of the house when viewers come round.
I am sceptical, but I'll bite my lip.

Further update. Bil is walking (with help) and regaining left side movement every day. House is going on the market only a week later than planned, and dsis is looking for her new home.

Excellent news!

Great news OP! Keep the up da tea coming 😀

Good news. It sounds as if he at least understands it is still happening

I’m glad she’s going ahead

Time to live her life.

We met for coffee today. A friend came to visit bil, and she felt she could happily leave them to it. Bil is making further progress - had a bath and dressed himself, walking better with a stick, and in short bursts, without a stick. The physios are constantly surprised. All good. Thank you for your interest.

UPDATE - if anyone's interested.
After many twists, turns and delays, my Dsis is in her new house and her (officially separated) H is in his.
She did it. Remarkable fortitude and energy - she had to do everything, since her H, although much better, is not capable of dealing with solicitors, paperwork, money etc.
She moved in yesterday, and I'm waiting for the reaction/breakdown/whatever.
I'm so proud of her.

Great news op! All the best to your sister

Great news