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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He just gets up and walks away as soon as he has finished eating at the table?

58 replies

CanIBeACurlyGirl · 21/05/2021 20:39

AIBU believing the above is really rude?

DH has always finished what he is eating and then started tidying and clearing up even if the rest if us are still eating.

This evening we ordered a take away with our DC, eldest was visiting, we were chatting and generally sitting at the table and DH disappeared.

I don't understand, why do that? it's so rude.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 21/05/2021 20:42

It's incredibly rude. Does he have a bee up his arse at other times as well, or is it just when he's forced to sit at the table?

Original poster
CanIBeACurlyGirl · 21/05/2021 20:46

Love “does he have a bee up his arse”

I've referred to him as having the patience of a pirana fish over the years and it's tolerable but the abandonment during table meals really pisses me off.

OP posts:
catlovingdoctor · 21/05/2021 20:50

Sorry to play devil's advocate, but does anyone do anything a bit gross once they finishing eating? I have to get away from the table pretty quickly once I finish dinner because other people incessantly pick their teeth, hiccup, smack their lips and I find it really off putting.

Original poster
CanIBeACurlyGirl · 21/05/2021 20:51

We haven't even really spoken since.
DC left and I'm up early for work, might as well just go to bed at this rate.

OP posts:
Daydrambeliever · 21/05/2021 20:53

I do this. But if I was to sit at the table until my two children finished eating I would be there for the rest of eternity. I don't do it when we have actual company but if it's just us and the kids, I'll get up when I'm finished and start tidying up. I want my relaxing evening to start sooner.

BeaLesshasty · 21/05/2021 20:57

Maybe you could try eating with a tray in front of the TV sometimes.

Often I just want to relax and enjoy my food without making conversation or listening to others.

LostInTheLingerieSection · 21/05/2021 20:59

I start clearing up once I'm finished because the kids and DH eat much more slowly than me and I always have a to do list, it's the clearing up from dinner then the laundry, tidying the toys, sorting the lunches, washing the bottles etc. I don't really have the time or inclination to sit about at the end of a meal waiting for others to finish. If it was a special family meal I'd presume we were clearing up so we could have some tea/coffee or whatever and maybe move to comfier seats to relax?

I thought from your title he just got up and went away to another room to do his own thing but if he's still there and just clearing up I don't see a massive issue with that.

Plus if he's a fast eater like me, waiting for slow eaters is painful in the extreme. Grin

Wolfiefan · 21/05/2021 21:01

DH often does this but it’s because he wants to get on with the washing up!

Original poster
CanIBeACurlyGirl · 21/05/2021 21:02

Normally he starts to tidy. This evening he went and sat in the lounge to watch TV.

I can take on board what is written here. I suppose I want family time at the table once a week to spend time away from the TV with DC now they aren't here very often.

OP posts:
Laiste · 21/05/2021 21:02

How many years have you been together?

I agree it is rude but what has made you fret about it particularly now?

Original poster
CanIBeACurlyGirl · 21/05/2021 21:08

@Laiste

How many years have you been together?

I agree it is rude but what has made you fret about it particularly now?

DD is 19 and we were married before she was born.

I think I find it particular rude as DD is hardly here now so asking for an hour ish at the dining table isn't much to ask. He didn't get up to tidy, he literally vanished into the lounge and left us to it.

We were talking about work, catching up, we listening to him all the time and he could have joined in.

OP posts:
bakingdemon · 21/05/2021 21:09

I think it's very rude.

floppybit · 21/05/2021 21:10

My ex used to do this. Wolf his food down then go and sit on the sofa leaving me with the kids, so I can sympathise

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2021 21:14

@LostInTheLingerieSection

I start clearing up once I'm finished because the kids and DH eat much more slowly than me and I always have a to do list, it's the clearing up from dinner then the laundry, tidying the toys, sorting the lunches, washing the bottles etc. I don't really have the time or inclination to sit about at the end of a meal waiting for others to finish. If it was a special family meal I'd presume we were clearing up so we could have some tea/coffee or whatever and maybe move to comfier seats to relax?

I thought from your title he just got up and went away to another room to do his own thing but if he's still there and just clearing up I don't see a massive issue with that.

Plus if he's a fast eater like me, waiting for slow eaters is painful in the extreme. Grin

And there's nothing worse than being civvied along when you're enjoying your meal and you haven't finished
Flowerclock · 21/05/2021 21:14

It's rude if you have guests or company.

Our downstairs is open plan, so technically if one of us gets up from the dining table and sits on the sofa, they're in the same room and they can join in the conversation.

Original poster
CanIBeACurlyGirl · 21/05/2021 21:14

@floppybit

My ex used to do this. Wolf his food down then go and sit on the sofa leaving me with the kids, so I can sympathise
He used to tidy up in the kitchen so I probably felt he was still listening and some times participating in the conversation.

This evening he did just as you said. So rude and feels like a slap in the face.

DD is a grown up with conversation and nice to talk to, it just feels like he can't be bothered.

OP posts:
SwanShaped · 21/05/2021 21:17

Yeah it’s rude, especially with a guest. I thought your post was going to be about a child as I’m currently trying to get my kids not to do this.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/05/2021 21:19

Have you actually told him how much this upsets you?

Original poster
CanIBeACurlyGirl · 21/05/2021 21:21

@SwanShaped

Yeah it’s rude, especially with a guest. I thought your post was going to be about a child as I’m currently trying to get my kids not to do this.
Nope, a grown arsed 50 plus year old. So pleased you are teaching manners. Even if you scoff your food surely it's polite to continue a conversation, join in whilst others finish.

I will admit DD and I do pick whilst chatting, it's 10 minutes tops though

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 21/05/2021 21:22

Does he know how you feel?
Even if it's his thing, could he not be a bit more civilised when its more of an occasion, such as your eldest visiting?

Lessthanaballpark · 21/05/2021 21:23

How does your DD feel about it?

Original poster
CanIBeACurlyGirl · 21/05/2021 21:23

@Aquamarine1029

Have you actually told him how much this upsets you?
No. I know that's my issue. I suppose I just expect him to want to spend time with us at the table. I'd never want to force him or make him feel he needs to for our benefit.

It would be lively if he just wanted to spend time with us once a week.

OP posts:
Strikethrough · 21/05/2021 21:24

@CanIBeACurlyGirl

Normally he starts to tidy. This evening he went and sat in the lounge to watch TV.

I can take on board what is written here. I suppose I want family time at the table once a week to spend time away from the TV with DC now they aren't here very often.

Without wishing to sound snarky, have you tried explaining that to him?
SwanShaped · 21/05/2021 21:26

I get annoyed when I’ve spent a while cooking and they scoff it down and leave. It’s also distracting for the other one who also then wants to get down. Plus, it’s one of the few times where we’re actually able to talk without distractions. Does your daughter mind him not wanting to spend time with her?

Laiste · 21/05/2021 21:27

A calm conversation about it is needed. Pick a time when you're both pretty relaxed.

Try not to confront or accuse. Keep your language positive. Use DD coming round to keep it relevant to now, rather than turning it into a ''this has been pissing me off for years!!'' thing:

''I like it when we all sit and have a chat after a meal. It was a shame when you left DD and i today. She was enjoying your company and had lots to say''. See what he says.