To have stopped organising girls meet ups because of children

[AwayWithYou]

I am the only one out of 4 siblings who does not have children.
In the last, we would go out as a group and really enjoy each other’s company. In the last years, as they have had children, it seems they have become completely incapable of being seen anywhere without their children, ever. This is not due to childcare issues.

Am I being unreasonable to want at least 10% of our meet-ups to be sans children?

I love them dearly but would like time to be able to chat or finish a meal at some point, without the screeching and mischief of children having us all scrambling to feed them, entertain them, take them to the loo, clear messes and scrapes.

I’m happy to do this most of the time, just not 100% of the time, especially when there is childcare available.

Tbh, they don’t disrupt our fun at all! The younger kids don’t get what we’re talking about anyway and just sit and play with toys/colour/nap in the buggy (depending on age) and the older ones go off and play, and we don’t hear a peep from them!
I have to ask, if that's really how it goes down (hard to credit, tbh!) why would it be so dreadful not to have them there at all?

YANBU

YANBU. I do think it’s a bit sad that some adults cannot have a life away from their children, even if it’s once in a blue moon. Childcare issues aside of course

Fortunately everyone I know with kids is quite happy to have an adult only outing every so often, especially as it reminds them that they are a person in their own right and not just mum or dad

Have you asked them why OP?

You've got 3 siblings and they ALL tend to like to see you along with their kids.

Maybe they keep their child free credit for meeting up with friends rather than family?

Friends = 'fun child-free let your hair down' time.
Nowadays siblings and parents = auntie/uncle family get together time.

There's probably an element of taking it as a change to bring the young cousins together as well.

3 our of 4 sibling are parents

'3 our of 4 sibling are parents'

ignore that bit !

Friends = 'fun child-free let your hair down' time.
Nowadays siblings and parents = auntie/uncle family get together time.
Not for everyone, no.

What i was going to say is 3 of DHs 4 siblings are parents and they only see each other in a 'family meet up' setting. With PIL as well. It's only once in a blue moon these days as everyone is so busy and it's nice for the cousins to see each other.

I don't know how the sibling without kids feels about that tbh. They never try to initiate adult only time though.

Going against the grain but I can totally see why for your siblings, their child free time would be spent with their friends and family time with the kids would be spent with family. My children really enjoy seeing their cousins. So much so that I’d feel a bit sad if they missed out on that if I met my siblings for adult only time. Adult only time is precious when you have young children and sorry to say my siblings aren’t top priority, it’s my friends.

Do all your siblings have children @Summerfun54321?

I love my neices and nephews but I love chatting to adults too. A nice mix of the both is perfect. Yanbu.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Friends = 'fun child-free let your hair down' time. Nowadays siblings and parents = auntie/uncle family get together time. Not for everyone, no.

Well no, obviously. But OPs siblings seem to think so? OP has asked for discussion. What other reason could there for always bringing the kids along to see OP?

ynbu-me and my sister get together every now and again with her kids as much as i love them im sure she appreciates the break aswell

Tricky one.
I don't want to leave my children with anyone other than there dad for many reasons and he works away so 99.9% of the time they are with me I'm not bothered whether it's family or friends if they had an issue with that I would always choose my children over anyone

@GreyhoundG1rl

Tbh, they don’t disrupt our fun at all! The younger kids don’t get what we’re talking about anyway and just sit and play with toys/colour/nap in the buggy (depending on age) and the older ones go off and play, and we don’t hear a peep from them! I have to ask, if that's really how it goes down (hard to credit, tbh!) why would it be so dreadful not to have them there at all?

Well it probably wouldn’t work if the kids were between say crawling and 2.5, but ours are 5 plus, and the others are just newborns. So it really is fine, currently. Tbh last weekend we sat and chatted for hours and the most that was asked was for a packet of crisps! Other than that, they were squirreled away upstairs! It wouldn’t be dreadful if they weren’t there. It just doesn’t make a difference to anyone that they are, I suppose. (Other than their parents). If they are all occupied and content, then I suppose I would wonder why the OP particularly cares..? Anyway, I’m assuming the children in this particular family are quite full on, hence the complaint!

YANBU.
I’d bite your hand off for a ££ night out drinking 🍸in a dangerous candle lit bar. Call me if your crew let you down. 😉

@PurpleDaisies

Tbh, they don’t disrupt our fun at all! The younger kids don’t get what we’re talking about anyway and just sit and play with toys/colour/nap in the buggy (depending on age) and the older ones go off and play, and we don’t hear a peep from them! You’re taking about friends’ children which is different to children who want to play with auntie purple because she’s come to visit. To be honest, my experiences meeting up with friends with children doesn’t bear much resemblance to the idyllic picture you’re painting here.

Hmm yes, I see that. My friends children aren’t massively interested in their parents friends, so I would say we definitely have minimal interaction! Probably a different story if it were a niece or nephew that I had a proper bond with.

As a single mum with 2 kids who has to take them with me everywhere 12 days out of 14, YANBU. If I have to have my kids with me I simply wouldn't go. I don't know why some people just don't value adult time

@GreyEyedWitch

If it were friends then I would agree, but they're your family so YABU.

By that logic you are saying that it is unreasonable to ever want to have an adult conversation with your siblings, or alternatively that you think any and all conversation is suitable for children to hear. Insane.

Could there be a reason they don’t want to? For example, anxiety about being away from their children or partners, tiredness? Im just too exhausted to have big nights out these days, I can’t be bothered getting all dressed up, I’m just too tired.

I agree. But maybe you need to make it clear OP. Suggest early morning maybe if the kids go to school or an evening time for a couple of hours. As it’s family they may assume you don’t mind.

I mean, I love my sisters but they’re not people I do child free things with.
Nights out and grown up time is spent with my friends, as is the same for them, we all have different friendship groups.