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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance question

75 replies

pommep · 20/05/2021 17:57

I was raised by my wealthy grandparents who have throughout my life supported me, financially and otherwise. ( paying for my first car and helping with costs at uni etc) We have a great relationship. They even helped pay for my wedding.

Since I've been married our relationship has changed. Where they initially would help with things like deposit for house etc, they've suddenly refused because they do not want the money to go to husband in the case of a divorce.

I'm fine with them refusing to help generally. But find it a bit hurtful that the reason is the money potentially ending up with husband in case of divorce.

We don't need the money anyway. But the concept of not wanting it to be with husband is strange to me.

I think they'll also not give me inheritance one day, for the same reason and will probably leave it to my children instead. Which is fine. They like my husband. I don't get it.

OP posts:

Original poster

pommep · 20/05/2021 18:00

I should clarify that we haven't asked for anything recently, but during the course of a random conversion they told me they'd refuse to help for the divorce reason.

OP posts:

Mintjulia · 20/05/2021 18:03

The fact is that nearly half of marriages end in divorce and if they leave you money, and then your marriage fails, your DH will be entitled to half.

They want to keep the money in their direct family which is fair enough, because they like your DH but they don't love him like one of their own.

I suspect they may leave any future money to the next generation - your children, which is more tax efficient anyway.

My DM was even more prescriptive. She left money specifically for the education of DGCs. It's a generational thing I think. They want to see their hard earned money goes to good use.

TeaAlwaysTea · 20/05/2021 18:04

You can buy a property as tenants in common so you own a particular percentage rather than jointly with your husband.

Divorce rates are around 33% so a 1 in 3. I have been married 20 years and am very happy.

I can understand their reluctance but there are ways to ring fence money. They and you should seek legal advice if you want to.

BramStoker · 20/05/2021 18:05

I'm guessing they don't like your husband as much as you think they do

Original poster

pommep · 20/05/2021 18:07

Yeah I do understand it, when you guys put it like that. I'm not sure my husband will do. I think he'll be hurt that they think like that. Not sure how to make him understand it.

OP posts:

Original poster

pommep · 20/05/2021 18:07

@BramStoker

I'm guessing they don't like your husband as much as you think they do

They're very vocal people. Trust me. I would know. It would be with anyone I think.

OP posts:

mahguy · 20/05/2021 18:10

Tbh they are likely being sensible.

My inlaws are wealthy & when my sil divorced a lot of money went to the husband.

Another friend is divorcing & currently the lawyers are arguing whether 200k from one set of parents was a gift or not & whether it should be split.

mahguy · 20/05/2021 18:11

You can have legal arrangements drawn up though as a pp said.

TeaAlwaysTea · 20/05/2021 18:11

I think sometimes there is a strong sense of "family" you are a blood relation, he is not. Sometimes it is that simple. Not that I agree with that in any sense of the word. I know Dh was treated like a son by my parents but I certainly never felt like a daughter to PIL.

Original poster

pommep · 20/05/2021 18:11

@mahguy Interesting. So it that 200 k is a gift, does it need to be split ? I thought anything you acquire, whether by gift or otherwise, needs to be split ?

OP posts:

mahguy · 20/05/2021 18:15

I think if it's a gift then yes it's split. The husband & his parents are now saying it's was a loan, he's a wanker!

MissConductUS · 20/05/2021 18:19

Not sure about the UK, but in the US an inheritance is considered separate property unless the funds are comingled. So if they go into a joint account or to pay a joint debt like a mortgage, the spouse has a legal interest. If you put the money in an account in your name only it's not on the table during a divorce.

RandomLondoner · 20/05/2021 18:27

You can have legal arrangements drawn up though as a pp said

My marital home is in my name only. So it's even more mine than if we had a tenants in common split. Do you think that means my wife won't benefit equally from the value in a divorce?

I don't think what the pp said would have any relevance in a divorce scenario.

sbhydrogen · 20/05/2021 18:28

They could always give you the money and ask you to sign a Deed of Trust, so in case if divorce the money they gave you goes back to them(/you) on sale of a house. I'm pretty surr that's how it works!

RandomLondoner · 20/05/2021 18:30

You can buy a property as tenants in common so you own a particular percentage rather than jointly with your husband.

To reply directly to this: I don't think this would give any protection at all in a divorce scenario.

mahguy · 20/05/2021 18:31

@RandomLondoner

The poster said

there are ways to ring fence money. They and you should seek legal advice if you want to.

Which is I what agreed with.

RandomLondoner · 20/05/2021 18:32

Sorry, I misunderstood what you were referring to.

mahguy · 20/05/2021 18:33

The best thing to do if you are very wealthy is to not get married. Not practical for most though.

Aprilx · 20/05/2021 18:44

I don’t understand some comments on this thread. There are no tax benefits to leaving inheritance to grandchildren rather than children. The logic of leaving to blood relatives only makes no sense unless the grandchildren are destined to never marry. And married people generally cannot ring fence their assets and deprive their spouse of a share should they divorce.

Couldhavebeenme2 · 20/05/2021 18:52

@RandomLondoner

You can have legal arrangements drawn up though as a pp said

My marital home is in my name only. So it's even more mine than if we had a tenants in common split. Do you think that means my wife won't benefit equally from the value in a divorce?

I don't think what the pp said would have any relevance in a divorce scenario.

Matrimonial assets all go in the pot upon divorce. If the house was your marital home, yes your wife will benefit from its value - unless you had a very short marriage in which case you take out what you brought in.

mahguy · 20/05/2021 18:59

The logic of leaving to blood relatives only makes no sense unless the grandchildren are destined to never marry.

That's true but if the money went to the OP & she died (sorry) before the dc were "established" they then could disinherit. The money going straight to the dc means they could be set up eg education, house & who knows maybe they won't want to marry.

And married people generally cannot ring fence their assets and deprive their spouse of a share should they divorce.

If the gc did get married they could get a prenup. Not rock solid but can be upheld if due process is followed. Or have a hidden offshore/undocumented account that's incredibly complex to unpick & that the spouse has no idea of its existence when entering the marriage.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 20/05/2021 19:05

My parents adore my DH but they are also realists and they know many marriages fail. They indicated from the beginning there would be no significant cash gifts and explained that whilst they had no issue with my DH, he has children from a previous marriage that they have no connection to, so they wouldn’t be gifting us money just in case it ended up elsewhere.

I will presumably inherit my share of whatever there may be when they pass, but I’ll not be benefitting before then. I’m fine with that and understand their logic. DH understands it too and in no way takes it personally.

alexdgr8 · 20/05/2021 19:06

i'm surprised that you are surprised about this OP.
maybe when you have grown-up married DC, you will understand.

Darbs76 · 20/05/2021 19:10

I think that’s fair enough and sounds like they’ve helped you enough already. I do find it odd though if they don’t give you an inheritance and give it direct to any children, wouldn’t the inheritance go to your own parents anyway for them to then do as they wish with it?

Blankspace101 · 20/05/2021 19:17

Why do you care so much what they do with their money? You sound grabby.

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