Holiday.... at my house?

[blacktable]

I am late 30's, live by myself and single. I have known this guy for about 13 years. He loves two hours away. We slept with each other back then but I got in a relationship with another guy and we stopped seeing each other. That relationship ended and a couple of years ago (December 2019) we hooked up and went on holiday to Majorca for five days together. (Holidays! ). It was sun, sex and swigging cocktails. It was fine. Good fun.

Now, we have been messaging during lockdown and now we have both been vaccinated, he wants to come and visit me for a long weekend (or four days or so) in my house (he lives with a parent as his other parent passed away last year)

I've said I'm not massively comfortable with him being here and basically having a holiday here whilst I host him. I've been here by myself for several years now, it's very much my home and although I've had the odd guy stay over, that's just been one night. They've not come for longer. I'm trying to be cool and chill about it but thinking about a man who I don't really know that well being here is making me feel a bit weird. He's totally safe, I just think it's a lot for me to take in baring in mind how by myself I have been over the past year and how having a man here for a long time is just... I don't know. Hopefully you know what I mean!

He doesn't seem to get it, saying we have been on holiday together and that I know him, what's the problem etc. He's very sex orientated and has said what he's planning to do to me sex wise whilst he is here. I'm all for mad sex, but feel weird about us doing it here. Would much rather do it in a hotel!

I said, why don't we meet in London (which is in between for both of us, probably an hour for us both to travel in to) and have a day out, maybe get a room. He's now getting funny about it, saying he doesn't want to go into London because of COVID and that he lives with older parent etc.

Facts:

He is same age as me.

He lives two hours away so since the holiday, I've not seen him in the flesh once.

We have FaceTimed twice.

He has sent flowers at Christmas/birthday/valentines. He also sends 'sex' gifts (you know the sort, scratchy babydolls and massive black dildos) every now and again.

So, aibu to not let him stay here for a few days?

[quote ConfusedAdultFemale]@FuckyouCovid21 sorry can’t wrap my head around that. Why would you be more comfortable having a guy shagging you - where you’re in a very vulnerable position if he chose to take things in a direction you didn’t want - than having him in your home? Domestic drudgery or not [/quote]
I don't think OP meant she was uncomfortable with him being in her home because she's worried he's going to attack her or something, she's known him a long time and I'm sure she trusts him. She just doesn't want to host him for a week, cook for him, clean up after him - where's the fun and excitement in that?

I think you’re probably feeling uncomfortable because you’re (rightly) getting the feeling that he wants to treat this as his holiday and your house as an inn where he shags the innkeeper. Of course there’s no chance of a relationship; if you were really interested in each other seriously, you would have seen each other in person since Dec 2019 (you said you haven’t) or, if COVID was the issue, FaceTimed more than twice (as you mentioned). One huge black dildo through the post does not a relationship make. So it seems you have nothing to lose by saying no. You have presumably fond memories of the sunny holiday in 2019, and if he’s not willing to compromise for another holiday like it (i.e. no one is put out and no one has to sacrifice their living space), then I’d just leave it, and him, in the past now.

If you're not comfortable with him having a holiday in your home, don't do it. You don't need any more reason than that. You offered a perfectly good alternative that you are comfortable with.

It's not quite the same but my last ex spent every weekend at mine. He'd sit with his feet up watching my TV while I caught up on my cleaning and garden chores (I worked full time in a hectic job), I bought in all the food, cooked all the meals, made a ridiculous number of cups of coffee and cake, did all the washing up and tidied up after the untidy, ungrateful p.o.s. At bed time it was time to wash the cooking smells out of my hair, run a razor over the needful and fall into bed. Exhausted. Only to get pawed and pounced on by him when I just needed to sleep. There was nothing fun or sexy about that arrangement.

Don't get pressured into hosting when you don't want to. It's really not worth it.

He also sends 'sex' gifts (you know the sort, scratchy babydolls and massive black dildos) every now and again.

it's a NO chance.. Never .. Nope .. from me..

keep your home your safe haven. 🌸

This sounded almost plausible until the bit about him sending sex toys in the post. 10/10 for imagination though!

@LoudestCat14

This sounded almost plausible until the bit about him sending sex toys in the post. 10/10 for imagination though!

Yep and the extraneous detail that it was a black dildo.

Thanks all. Yes, it was fine when we were on the holiday as like you say, it was away from home and fun and carefree. I do get the feeling he is trying to get a cheap break away from home with some no strings shagging and a host for the few days. I'm not doing it. Happy to meet elsewhere, but as a few of you said - my home is my sanctuary.

Re dildos and baby dolls, hopefully the attached picture won't get me blocked! But this is it. There were other bits as well. I was up for that sort of thing on the holiday, so I do get it - but there is something more gross about doing it in my house.

Yes, I would stay at his - if I was invited. I haven't been though and I haven't invited him here, it's just very convenient for him to jump in the car and visit me. I guess he is bored like the rest of us but I'm not up to looking after a man child.

My long term relationship ended in 2018 and myself and this guy went on the holiday in December 2019.

I am going to follow my gut and say no to him visiting me in my house. This is just a fwb situation and I think it's crossing the line a little.

Thanks all

Meant to say, I added that note with the gifts so you don't think I swiped a picture off the internet. I'm not making the story up, just came here for some advice as I wasn't sure if I was being a bit over the top with it all.

@blacktable

Meant to say, I added that note with the gifts so you don't think I swiped a picture off the internet. I'm not making the story up, just came here for some advice as I wasn't sure if I was being a bit over the top with it all.

Ooooh that's grim. Send it back wrapped tightly so his postie knows exactly what it is

@LagneyandCasey

Ooooh that's grim. Send it back wrapped tightly so his postie knows exactly what it is

And his mum lol

@LagneyandCasey

Ooooh that's grim. Send it back wrapped tightly so his postie knows exactly what it is

oh please do this..

sorry Im too invested 😂🤣

It's a bit weird not wanting to have him at your house imo. A few meet ups then it tends to move to going to houses. I'm guessing you aren't sure about him, trying to keep life separate

Glad you've got it sorted out in your mind.
He was trying his luck but you don't have to go along with it.

Haha, well this is the other thing - it was his birthday the other week and I said 'oh I'll send you a card' and he wouldn't give his address over. Another red flag.

Yes, been on holiday with him and met up in London for dinner a couple of times before the holiday but honestly if there was going to be a relationship, I think we would have realised on holiday. It was never going to be more than fwb. Maybe sending a bday card would have sent the wrong signals anyway.

oh I'll send you a card' and he wouldn't give his address over. Another red flag.

I wouldn't have considered the rest of it a massive deal. However this. Hes not single.

Shame, you could have gift-wrapped that dildo within a package of glitter.

Haha, well this is the other thing - it was his birthday the other week and I said 'oh I'll send you a card' and he wouldn't give his address over.

Are you sure he's living with a parent?

Yes, definitely certain it's just him and the one parent. The other parent died last year. I'm friends with him on Facebook and he shares quite a lot, so I know he's definitely not married and who he lives with. There's lots of comments from other people, which back up what he has told me about his living arrangements.

Why didn't he give you his address?
That is unfair he as has yours.

@TinkerPony

Why didn't he give you his address? That is unfair he as has yours.

Doesn't want OP inviting herself to his like he has invited himself to hers.

Is that what you define as massive?