Holiday.... at my house?

[blacktable]

I am late 30's, live by myself and single. I have known this guy for about 13 years. He loves two hours away. We slept with each other back then but I got in a relationship with another guy and we stopped seeing each other. That relationship ended and a couple of years ago (December 2019) we hooked up and went on holiday to Majorca for five days together. (Holidays! ). It was sun, sex and swigging cocktails. It was fine. Good fun.

Now, we have been messaging during lockdown and now we have both been vaccinated, he wants to come and visit me for a long weekend (or four days or so) in my house (he lives with a parent as his other parent passed away last year)

I've said I'm not massively comfortable with him being here and basically having a holiday here whilst I host him. I've been here by myself for several years now, it's very much my home and although I've had the odd guy stay over, that's just been one night. They've not come for longer. I'm trying to be cool and chill about it but thinking about a man who I don't really know that well being here is making me feel a bit weird. He's totally safe, I just think it's a lot for me to take in baring in mind how by myself I have been over the past year and how having a man here for a long time is just... I don't know. Hopefully you know what I mean!

He doesn't seem to get it, saying we have been on holiday together and that I know him, what's the problem etc. He's very sex orientated and has said what he's planning to do to me sex wise whilst he is here. I'm all for mad sex, but feel weird about us doing it here. Would much rather do it in a hotel!

I said, why don't we meet in London (which is in between for both of us, probably an hour for us both to travel in to) and have a day out, maybe get a room. He's now getting funny about it, saying he doesn't want to go into London because of COVID and that he lives with older parent etc.

Facts:

He is same age as me.

He lives two hours away so since the holiday, I've not seen him in the flesh once.

We have FaceTimed twice.

He has sent flowers at Christmas/birthday/valentines. He also sends 'sex' gifts (you know the sort, scratchy babydolls and massive black dildos) every now and again.

So, aibu to not let him stay here for a few days?

Gross. Just gross.

You’ve asserted your boundaries and he’s pushing them. I’d be very uncomfortable letting such a sleazebag through my front door (no pun intended...).

You are worth more than this sordid little arrangement OP.

Your holiday It was fine. Good fun
Hardly something that I would want to repeat ? What do you see in him ?

@Chickenlickeninthepot

I wouldn't be shagging anyone who sends me random dildos through the post.

Seconded. Whatever happened to a box of chocs ?

That's a holiday for him, not you having to host him. I wouldn't be doing it.

I'D blocked

Nope. It a sex holiday without hidden costs.
Selfish potential cocklodger.

You’re home is your safe space. You might not feel this way with someone else but that is how you feel right now. You don’t want to. This isn’t a relationship, where compromises are reached. You’re not in a relationship. You don’t want to. That’s enough of a reason.

What part of no is he not understanding?

He sounds like a total creep

He wants a 5 day shag-a-thon on a budget, well actually at your expense.

Yuck. He has made my skin crawl and I don't even know him.

I'm all for a fun weekend of losing yourself in cocktails, sex and fun - but this isn't what you are getting. It's the intimacy with somebody who is just about sex and the invasion of privacy that I don't like.

If you wanted to be cooking, cleaning and picking up dirty grundies then you'd be in a relationship. It's a sexy minibreak escape or nothing.

TBH I'm surprised you are asking us. You seem to be an independent, freethinking woman so you must know that you can say no to any unwanted guest. You don't even have to give a reason if you prefer not to.

Be firm. Tell him you've said no, you've told him what you would prefer and you aren't going to change your mind and if he mentions it again you will be blocking him. Or just block him.

"it was fine"

Says it all to me!

You've said you don't want to. He's trying to persuade you. That's a hard no right there from me.

Vile. He wouldn't be getting through my front door either.
He wants to show up for four days of shagging and wining and dining all at your expense and effort.
No.

Say. "No it doesn't work for me".
That's the end of it - if he continues to push the issue block him on everything.

He is a selfish sod.
He just wants a warm body for sex instead of the plastic doll he has at his mums.
Tell him no way, we are not in the kind of relationship where you stay at my house.
It's a hotel or nothing.
But to be honest he just wants to use you, and while at a hotel you eat out, at your home he would create mess and cost you loads.

Op, definitely don't have this guy at your house if you feel uncomfortable about it.

Read your op back as if it was another poster on here. What would you advise?

Eugh. Your home is your home, not a shagpad. He's off-putting just by the description and honestly he's only looking for the leg-over. I'd block. He doesn't understand boundaries at all.

You are uncomfortable with him staying, that is enough to say no.

This sounds a very odd "relationship". I'd say he's in between sex partners and has pencilled you in for a bit of back-up sex. Accordingly best to say no.

@Notaroadrunner

Does he see the relationship going somewhere? Obviously you can't meet at his parents house so your house is the only option apart from a hotel. If you want a relationship with him I don't see the issue in him staying for a few nights. It's not like he's asking to stay for a fortnight. A long weekend is hardly a holiday.

You've known him for 13 years, have been on holiday together and slept together in the past - yet you then say he's not someone you know very well. That's a bit confusing.

If you do not want to engage in a relationship with him then tell him and tell him to stop sending you inappropriate items in the post. He wasn't being unreasonable to ask to come and stay. You are not unreasonable to say no.

Does he see the relationship going somewhere? Obviously you can't meet at his parents house so your house is the only option apart from a hotel. If you want a relationship with him I don't see the issue in him staying for a few nights. It's not like he's asking to stay for a fortnight. A long weekend is hardly a holiday

You've known him for 13 years, have been on holiday together and slept together in the past - yet you then say he's not someone you know very well. That's a bit confusing

If you do not want to engage in a relationship with him then tell him and tell him to stop sending you inappropriate items in the post. He wasn't being unreasonable to ask to come and stay. You are not unreasonable to say no

I think you’re missing the middle ground here! It’s perfectly possible that OP enjoys some no strings fun with this man, but doesn’t want a relationship with him. If that’s the case, I can completely understand not wanting to host (at her own expense) for a week. That’s not what she signed up for, she wanted a FWB, not to share her home, cook and clean up after a man for a week because he’s ‘on holiday’.

So your relationship ended in dec 2019, I assume you went on holiday with the new guy before March 2020 for 5 days, had a lot of sex and you still feel uncomfortable with him being in your home? Sorry but why on earth were you having sex with him then?? Doesn’t make sense to sleep with someone you’re uncomfortable with, especially not multiple times

@ConfusedAdultFemale

So your relationship ended in dec 2019, I assume you went on holiday with the new guy before March 2020 for 5 days, had a lot of sex and you still feel uncomfortable with him being in your home? Sorry but why on earth were you having sex with him then?? Doesn’t make sense to sleep with someone you’re uncomfortable with, especially not multiple times

She said she's uncomfortable having him in her home and hosting him for a week, she's happy to have sex with him elsewhere. I wouldn't want to meet a FWB in my home either, it's too familiar and OP would end up playing the girlfriend...not what she wants at all

@FuckyouCovid21 sorry can’t wrap my head around that. Why would you be more comfortable having a guy shagging you - where you’re in a very vulnerable position if he chose to take things in a direction you didn’t want - than having him in your home? Domestic drudgery or not

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone least of all this bloke. With respect, 90% of your OP is irrelevant, because the details simply don't matter. You're uncomfortable with him staying so he is not going to. End of.

If he doesn't accept that no means no, what does that tell you?!